Venting I just can’t take it anymore.

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

I am trying so hard to stay on the planet. I am so close to cutting it drinking tonight. I just don't have energy to fight. I fantasize about being gone. I don't have much fight left. It's been 26 years of fighting. Literally since I was 2 maybe earlier. I was already self harming suicide thoughts are all I know. I've had 5 attempts. I started writing about wanting to die in elementary school. I feel like suicide is the way I'm leaving this earth. Be it now or 20 years down the road. I don't see me leaving naturally. I told myself to 30. I just turned 28. Two more years. And then I gave myself permission to go. 30 years is enough of a fight right?

 

[pointblank]

29 here. Yeah, 30 years is a long time. You've soldiered well enough.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I won't say my age but the thoughts never go away! I've had several unsussful attempts and I'm over it. I always wished my 1st attempt was successful and years but years later I'm still here and I just sleep my days away.

What I don't understand is why when we have a failed attempt there's this reprimand, you get in trouble. You can clearly say everything you said and more and the powers that be put more diagnosis on you and more medication, when you simply want to exit this life.


I only discuss those feelings on here because society has said it's not normal.

Yes, you have suffered long enough. Hopefully you can find some peace in this life or a way to exit. Either way, I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, I understand feeling so tired of it all, I've always wished for death as well, wanting to die certainly is all I personally know. But anyway I wish you the best.