I hope I find the balls to kill my self soon

[anyoneshorizon]

I don't know what to do with my life I've been so convinced I am going to kill my self that I haven't really made plans. Everything everyone says about life is so miserable unless. I don't know what I'll do if I don't kill myself. I just want to get it over with I know it's what I want and I'm already prepared. I'm not sure what exactly is stopping me. I think I'm scared but not sure of what, maybe failure? maybe fear of the unknown? Or maybe the reality of what it really means to be dead no more life, no parents, no thoughts. I everyday I wish something will happen to me that would end my life like a car crash or being in the middle of a shoot out. I know I want to die but I don't have the strength to do it myself yet. I wish I was diagnosed with some sort of illness that only gave me a few months to live something that wouldn't make life too much more unbearable. I know there are many on this site that have some sort of chronic pain or illness and I might come off as ignorant im sorry. But sometimes I fantasize about it. No one would think why I killed myself. I wouldn't have to do it myself. I could die next to the people I love instead of alone in my room. No one would feel betrayed. And I could just feel alive knowing I wouldn't have to worry about so much.

 

[Euthanza]

I also think I'm just wasting my life all around. There's too little joy I can find at this age in my circumstances. My time is ticking slowly it feels like forever. Or may be I shouldn't think at all, I mean like normal people, just breathe.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing for a terminal illness are understandable, as after all leaving this world ourselves can be difficult for many reasons. Dying from another cause would mean that the person would not have to think about methods potentially failing which would just cause more suffering.

But it seems as though only those who wish to live end up with terminal illnesses, not those who are suicidal and wish to be gone. But dying from some kind of illness sounds so horrifying to me and I only envy the dead as they cannot suffer anymore in any way. But it does sound tiring being in that situation, I understand that it can be so dreadful when you wish to be gone yet you feel as though you are unable to go through with it.

 

[makethepainstop]

I don't know what to do with my life I've been so convinced I am going to kill my self that I haven't really made plans. Everything everyone says about life is so miserable unless. I don't know what I'll do if I don't kill myself. I just want to get it over with I know it's what I want and I'm already prepared. I'm not sure what exactly is stopping me. I think I'm scared but not sure of what, maybe failure? maybe fear of the unknown? Or maybe the reality of what it really means to be dead no more life, no parents, no thoughts. I everyday I wish something will happen to me that would end my life like a car crash or being in the middle of a shoot out. I know I want to die but I don't have the strength to do it myself yet. I wish I was diagnosed with some sort of illness that only gave me a few months to live something that wouldn't make life too much more unbearable. I know there are many on this site that have some sort of chronic pain or illness and I might come off as ignorant im sorry. But sometimes I fantasize about it. No one would think why I killed myself. I wouldn't have to do it myself. I could die next to the people I love instead of alone in my room. No one would feel betrayed. And I could just feel alive knowing I wouldn't have to worry about so much.

I know where your at. I'm about at the point of forgetting the two pounds of sn I bought, and reaching for my 45 cal deringer. Trust me when the pain reaches the right level, you Wii have the balls as you so elegantly called it. Much love to you and all here.