sannoji
dreaming of flying
- May 4, 2023
- 69
i like to think that one day i'll be able to be at peace finally. when all my parts will agree with me. i'd rather die sooner rather than later, honestly, but i wouldn't ever try to without agreeing with my parts. in a way, DID could be like an even stronger sort of SI - i'd never be able to go through with it without someone else switching in and stopping me. so we have to agree.
i feel too small for my body all of the time. my feelings feel stupid and juvenile. i'm a part which is stuck as someone much younger than i am bodily, but the years of experience make a strange situation where i have such strong awful feelings but a part of myself almost looks down on me for it.
it all sucks. every time i think i can live ok i lose so much energy that i can't even get out of bed any more. or i'm plagued with flashbacks. or both. i have such adult responsibilities and it's hellish when i feel like a child. sure, there's the other parts who are ACTUALLY adults, but they can't always do it. so it falls to me. i wish i didn't have to live like this. i wish my parents liked me.
and in the end, i don't have much to look forward to in life. nothing but all these same things that make just existing unbearable. so one day my parts will all agree. one day i'll be able to be at peace and not think any more instead of being in this hell of being an eternal kid who has to remember, remember ALL of it.
[to clarify: still 18+ bodily, so can be on here. i'm a DID alter who is a younger age than the body though.]
i feel too small for my body all of the time. my feelings feel stupid and juvenile. i'm a part which is stuck as someone much younger than i am bodily, but the years of experience make a strange situation where i have such strong awful feelings but a part of myself almost looks down on me for it.
it all sucks. every time i think i can live ok i lose so much energy that i can't even get out of bed any more. or i'm plagued with flashbacks. or both. i have such adult responsibilities and it's hellish when i feel like a child. sure, there's the other parts who are ACTUALLY adults, but they can't always do it. so it falls to me. i wish i didn't have to live like this. i wish my parents liked me.
and in the end, i don't have much to look forward to in life. nothing but all these same things that make just existing unbearable. so one day my parts will all agree. one day i'll be able to be at peace and not think any more instead of being in this hell of being an eternal kid who has to remember, remember ALL of it.
[to clarify: still 18+ bodily, so can be on here. i'm a DID alter who is a younger age than the body though.]
