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I have waited too long to kill myself and now i probably don't want to

deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
I am seeing a mental health nurse every week, and a psychiatrist 2 times / month, it made me have goals and believe more about myself. I just needed confidence (maturity), I needed to look for treatment for my issues with my disability.

I guess the meds are working because I am not really that depressed. I still have many years to fix my life and find a job, I am reading useful books in the meanwhile. I am going to "leave" the mentality of this community. Dying may be easier, but it's throwing away all my chances of decent success. College (University) is free if you have disabilities, so I may enroll in the future. Also, I never attempted suicide so I am very healthy. I didn't want to bore you with my life so that's basically it.

TL;DR: I think I want to fix my life instead of killing myself, it's never too late (not for me anyways).
 
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Mikulal1995

Mikulal1995

A bipolar, depressive mess.
Jul 15, 2018
38
Everyone's path is different, and if treatment is working for you: that's great! I find this community to be helpful both in theory and practice. The theory allows people to let everything out while laying out their plans. The practice is what will ultimately help us decide if we really, truly want to do it.

As for me, well, I'm prepared to do it.
 
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Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
deflagrat said:
I am seeing a mental health nurse every week, and a psychiatrist 2 times / month, it made me have goals and believe more about myself. I just needed confidence (maturity), I needed to look for treatment for my issues with my disability.

I guess the meds are working because I am not really that depressed. I still have many years to fix my life and find a job, I am reading useful books in the meanwhile. I am going to "leave" the mentality of this community. Dying may be easier, but it's throwing away all my chances of decent success. College (University) is free if you have disabilities, so I may enroll in the future. Also, I never attempted suicide so I am very healthy. I didn't want to bore you with my life so that's basically it.

TL;DR: I think I want to fix my life instead of killing myself, it's never too late (not for me anyways).
Click to expand...

That's great news! I hope you stay this way and find a meaningful life or even happiness :)

Good luck and thanks for sharing.
 
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Samuel

Samuel

Wise
Apr 25, 2018
243
Interesting deflagrat. I hope it works out for you. I however, believe my ctb is inevitable. For now I will live, but when I get low, I know I will very likely take my life in the future.
 
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L

licebap

Member
Jul 7, 2018
79
I would say one thing:

If I was young and healthy I would never ever think of kill myself. And never thought of that in fact, at the time.

It's only for my shitty decisions and quite a lot of unluck that I am where I am now.
 
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L

Lisa

Specialist
May 9, 2018
304
licebap said:
I would say one thing:

If I was young and healthy I would never ever think of kill myself. And never thought of that in fact, at the time.

It's only for my shitty decisions and quite a lot of unluck that I am where I am now.
Click to expand...
How old are you?
 
L

Life sucks

Visionary
Apr 18, 2018
2,136
Good luck and remember not to pressure yourself. Enjoy your life
 
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L

licebap

Member
Jul 7, 2018
79
Lisa said:
How old are you?
Click to expand...

I'm almost 40. Now I'm done. Because I materially have no mean to recover. As I said in another post, I had injury by doing sports and that put an end to every remaining hope. It's ironic, because I've always known my life was shitty, because I don't have social skills, problematics with self esteem and so on, but I always moved on and conserved hope that something good could come...

I'm also convinced that different decisions when I was younger would have led to a different and maybe a little happier/more "normal" life...

Maybe my reasoning is wrong, and things wouldn't have come better than they are now, who can ever know? All in all I could well have avoided me the last fifteen years of suffering by ctb way sooner but as I said I was (irrationally) optimistic... now I finally get realistic...
 
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L

Lisa

Specialist
May 9, 2018
304
licebap said:
I'm almost 40. Now I'm done. Because I materially have no mean to recover. As I said in another post, I had injury by doing sports and that put an end to every remaining hope. It's ironic, because I've always known my life was shitty, because I don't have social skills, problematics with self esteem and so on, but I always moved on and conserved hope that something good could come...

I'm also convinced that different decisions when I was younger would have led to a different and maybe a little happier/more "normal" life...

Maybe my reasoning is wrong, and things wouldn't have come better than they are now, who can ever know? All in all I could well have avoided me the last fifteen years of suffering by ctb way sooner but as I said I was (irrationally) optimistic... now I finally get realistic...
Click to expand...
Sorry
 
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