I

iwantdeath6969

Member
Oct 17, 2022
83
i just came back from the trip that i had been not ctb in order to go on. i promised my partner i would wait until after. as soon as i come back i find out that the insurance through my workplace didn't allow me onto the health insurance plan because i'm taking medication. they did approve me for life insurance though, so i can ctb at least knowing that is taken care of. i had been waiting for 6 months to see if i would be approved, this whole time waiting to do any sort of meaningful mental health treatment because nothing is covered where i am.

i cannot wait any longer to hope that things might get better. i am extremely sick and my brain is deteriorating, i need to do this while i still have control of my body and mind. both feel like they are slipping rapidly from me as time goes on and i am scared of what will happen when i lose it. i already have such little impulse control and have built my whole life around self harm. i dont feel like i have any SI left, and i am scared that if i keep letting myself deteriorate without help i will get past the point where i will be able to still have any control over this and will ctb in a much more horrific way than i would be able to now, either by accident or on purpose. i have tried everything, i have even gone to the hospital waiting room twice for them to deny me because i "wasn't bad enough" (there is a massive doctor shortage in my area as well, so any medical care is extremely scarce as it is), so there really is nowhere for me to go to get help.

i can't live like this anymore. there is nothing left in me to continue on. what can i do tonight, i haven't been able to plan this properly yet. i thought i would get back from my trip and be able to start planning this out more, but i can't keep doing this for another day. how bad is it to jump from a building or off of a tall bridge into the water? i don't know how to drive but could anyone walk me through enough so i could crash a car? i was 99 pounds when i last weighed myself, would i be able to get enough weights to drown myself in the ocean? or any other ideas that i could do. i am begging for help and i need something to help me for once, i need this to end right now
it feels like the timing of everything is a sign. this is all so perfect and it's clear to me that i am ready now
 
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Sulyya

Sulyya

Synergist
Mar 6, 2023
542
Does life insurance cover for suicide? I thought it didn't. If you go forward with it then consider that... even having this site in your web history or browser cache could affect it maybe?

Hospitals can be unhelpful for these things, it's discouraging.
 
O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,591
Does life insurance cover for suicide? I thought it didn't. If you go forward with it then consider that... even having this site in your web history or browser cache could affect it maybe?

Hospitals can be unhelpful for these things, it's discouraging.
Life Insurance covers suicide after 2 years here in the States
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,945
That sounds so horrible what you have to go through, life really is so incredibly cruel. I hope that you find the freedom from your torment that you are searching for.
 
locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
7,256
I agree that you better check that life insurance policy because most have a clause whereby they won't cover suicide until after a specified period of time elapses, usually a couple years.
 

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