I have to do school practicum and I can't

[Eeyore]

This is not really topic of this site but I don't have nobody to talk to. I really can't do this man, I get slight heart attacks just thinking about it and I can't sleep. I'm on my last year of college and I did the first one but I was absolutely terrified and the week leading up to it was literally hell. I would wake up have diarrhea, be unable to do anything the whole day but think about that. I am a person who sometimes wont go to the store because of anxiety and will spend whole day eating nothing. Imagine that person then thrown into class to teach. That lasted 5 days up until the day of the practicum. Just pure fucking fear and I can't do it anymore man and if I could take a bullet to my leg or something I would rather have that than go to school and teach. Even now while I am writing this I am fucking shaking. I want to ask the professor if I can do something instead, I would rather write 50 essays than this but I really doubt she will allow it. And I don't plan on being a teacher at all, I am going to college for this mostly because I will be able to do some other jobs that don't involve teaching. I don't want to do this but if I don't do it I might never graduate.

 

[DeadlyLiving]

That hit really close home since I was in a similar situation twice and I felt the same way you did. We had to do two practicums in high school here, but it wasn't about teaching as yours is. My social anxiety really fucked the whole thing up for me and I would stay awake the whole night just so it takes longer for the next day to begin. I sadly think I can't offer you any tips since your practicum seems to be really important and correct me if I am wrong, you would probably have to catch up and do it on other days if you miss some of it through "being sick".
I didn't though so i could wind my way out of one week from two of the first one through faking the death of a family member and the other one I basically only went one day and acted like I had a abdominal influenza and went to the doctor. My mom wanted to pressure me into going the last two days though and that was when things got really bad - I mean I didn't went the whole time and then I just pop up for the last days? I would have done ANYTHING to not go there. And so I faked a concussion, went to my doctor and he immediately sent me into a hospital.

I wish you all the best and hope you can find a way to go through it if you can't get a way out of it. It's so sad that people that suffer from anxiety have to go through such crap and then there are these people that say "you just have to get out of your comfort zone" .. If it only would be that easy.

 

[Bloodtearsdust]

Definitely go talk to your prof! Mention you are struggling with severe anxiety.. I know profs who take beta blockers simply to overcome nerves talking in class. Just see what the prof says, you may be able to modify your practicum

 

[Eeyore]

Definitely go talk to your prof! Mention you are struggling with severe anxiety.. I know profs who take beta blockers simply to overcome nerves talking in class. Just see what the prof says, you may be able to modify your practicum

Modify? how? I mean I doubt she will let me not do it but I would love to do 50 essays or whatever instead that's for sure

 

[Bloodtearsdust]

Modify? how? I mean I doubt she will let me not do it but I would love to do 50 essays or whatever instead that's for sure

It's likely up to your prof. It would be helpful if you had a note from a counsellor, our university had onsite counsellors you could see for a reduced charge. You can also see if your college has a disability resource Center as well. They would be worth talking to. If your prof has some idea that you are getting help for the issue, she's likely to be more sympathetic. Maybe she can reduce your practicum to 1 day of teaching and supplement with other work. Who knows. Maybe think about what you are going to say to her (present your case, offer 2 solutions..ie: more essays or a research project)

 

[Eeyore]

The thing is the practicum is actually only 1 hour of teaching but I can't do even that lmao

 

[Bloodtearsdust]

The thing is the practicum is actually only 1 hour of teaching but I can't do even that lmao

I get it.. 1 hour can feel like 10 years. What about beta blockers? Temporarily? I feel like there has to be some sort of medication out there that will allow you to get through it. Especially because it's your last year and your last practicum.. its a hurdle but you've already come so far to get thrown off the horse at the end. I would still talk to your prof and let her know what's going on. Vyvanse or biphentin might be another option.. nothing huge maybe just 30mg? They increase your dopamine levels and you temporarily feel as though you have confidence. Warning: you will feel like crap when it wears off, and probably depressed the next day. I have ADD. I temporarily tried these meds.. but they caused me to lose weight (I'm pretty small already) so I stopped. I will take one the odd time though if I need to speak in public. Anxiety is an issue for me too(it can make me throw up or just nauseous at the minimum).

 

[Eeyore]

I know man I already did the first one and I want to just get this over with. I have never been to psychiatrist so I don't have any meds and I presume you need prescription for beta blockers. I really should go and ask for some but I have trouble doing that too. But honestly man I am running out of options so I think I should really do that first. Yes I too get nauseous so I can't eat.

 

[vulgareconomics]

Hey, I'm a former and hopefully future teacher. Is there anything specifically you're nervous about? Is it the talking in front of people? The fear of screwing up (you will but no one will notice)?

 

[Eeyore]

Hey, I'm a former and hopefully future teacher. Is there anything specifically you're nervous about? Is it the talking in front of people? The fear of screwing up (you will but no one will notice)?

Its everything, like talking to people, standing in front of everybody, thinking what they are thinking about me. I have shakes when I get anxious so I am afraid they might notice that. And just the thought of going in there is giving me diarrhea and its just terrible for me. What sometimes happens to me is I start to talk about something like for example I am telling a joke to my friend. And as I am telling him the joke I forget the joke halfway and I begin to panic in my head and I can't remember and I just think about how I fucked up. I forget things halfway and my anxiousness makes sure that it becomes embarrassing. So far it didn't happen on my first practicum but I am afraid it might happen now. Like I said I would rather someone shoots me in the leg.

 

[vulgareconomics]

I mean the advantage is you can have notes so you don't have to rely entirely on your memory. Also, no one would think less of you if you sat. I had a professor who did that. I know this probably won't abate your feelings of anxiety, but maybe you can tell yourselves these things to calm yourself down.