I have run out of options, I have nowhere to turn

[Roadkill]

I've finally realized that I can never ctb, I'm just too much of a coward.. all of the methods I was going to use are flawed. I was going to use a shotgun to blow my head off, but then I saw many, many people survive this method, while ending up totally disfigured.. and I just know I'd fuck up any other method, I've failed at everything in my life, why would this be any different?

I'm so pathetic, it sickens me, that's why I chose my username as Roadkill. I am a rotting, stinking, decaying carcass, not even the shit eating flies want anything to do with me..

My only hope is decapitation by guillotine. If I had one, I would use it this second. It would be so awesome to have that blade quickly lop of my head in one swift action. and I'd have 20 seconds of bliss before I'd lose consciousness. I'd like to do it in front of a crowd. it'd be funny to wink or maybe smile at the crowd, and have them shriek even louder at my severed, winking head

 

[I want to end it]

Is SN not an option for you?

 

[Roadkill]

Is SN not an option for you?

I'm sure I'd mess that up somehow.. and end up with blue hands and feet for the rest of my life

 

[I want to end it]

I'm sure I'd mess that up somehow.. and end up with blue hands and feet for the rest of my life

as long as you are not found too early, i don't see how you could mess it up

 

[Efilismislife]

Just to share my experience im also annoyed by how difficult to find the right method to ctb. Especially for me& in my situation. Currently still struggling to search for a way

I find it very ironic tho, why do they have to make it so hard only to exit? when we dont even choose to be exist in all of these mess/life misery. And the people who againts the right to 'exit' also dont even help resolve the cause/situation and leave them hopeless.

People CTB for a reason but they dont care n just go "BAN! BAN!" n leave them suffer
well thats not helping!

Why would they ban N, why alter those antidepressant drugs, Why dont they give "right to die" etc etc.

 

[the_final_countdown]

You know even if you had N readily accessible I don't think suicide rates would change that much.

It's extraordinarily difficult to suppress the instinct to live.

You could have jars of the stuff and you still probably wouldn't drink it.

It's not just about accessibility. It's just absurdly difficult. Even if you're suffering. That part of your brain never seems to turn off.

 

[Efilismislife]

You know even if you had N readily accessible I don't think suicide rates would change that much.

It's extraordinarily difficult to suppress the instinct to live.

You could have jars of the stuff and you still probably wouldn't drink it.

It's not just about accessibility. It's just absurdly difficult. Even if you're suffering. That part of your brain never seems to turn off.

Yup that survival instinct, defensive mechanism, fear to protect you, etc

But at least with N it would be more reassuring as thats what the doctor use too as the most 'peaceful' way.

It also depends on the desperation too. How cornered you are.

Like a person jumping off the building because of fire.

 

[death137]

You know even if you had N readily accessible I don't think suicide rates would change that much.

It's extraordinarily difficult to suppress the instinct to live.

You could have jars of the stuff and you still probably wouldn't drink it.

It's not just about accessibility. It's just absurdly difficult. Even if you're suffering. That part of your brain never seems to turn off.

I agree that suicide is still difficult even when there is a peaceful method available but our fear would be greatly decreased. I believe suicide rate will greatly increase.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I don't have the guts nor the method to ctb either, it seems.

However, if I get SN or N somehow, I might ctb some day. We'll see...

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

It isn't cowardly. It is really hard to die as us humans are programmed to live. We are forced to resort to these methods as we are denied a peaceful way out. A right to die should be a basic human right. I am honestly scared of failure as it is easy to mess up. I wish you well.