i have picked my date.

[90starve]

i have chosen to CTB on/by my 22nd birthday - not including today, that is 562 days away.

right now, that date just it seems way too far away - but for as long as i am able to remember, i have been in a constant battle between wanting to end my life, and wanting to hang on just in case i find some sort of reason to live - so to combat this, i have set a date.

if i do not find a substantial reason to continue my existence on this hellish earth, i will take my life. a lot can change in 562 days, but i am also willing to bring forward my plans if necessary.

for my method, i have always preferred partial hanging, but after failing an attempt, i just don't think it's for me - instead, i will choose CO poisoning by charcoal in a tent.

when i have collated all my research, i plan to make a method thread.

i feel that i've never enjoyed life - but i am missing massive chunks of memory, so even if i have enjoyed life before, i do not remember. existence has become so bleak, for many reasons, and i just cannot see a point to continue much longer.

any input on this is very welcome, and i hope you all have a beautiful day <3

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you cannot enjoy life the way you wish for. I can relate to this a bit but only for the last few years, not my entire life. Setting a date in the distant future isn't a bad idea and as you have chosen a method already which your are confident with you have enough time to make the plan perfect should you really want to ctb on the set date. And within the next 562 days so many things can happen that could change your life and your decision but anyway in my opinion CTB is always and was always a legal option under certain circumstances.

I wish you all the best!

 

[90starve]

I'm sorry you cannot enjoy life the way you wish for. I can relate to this a bit but only for the last few years, not my entire life. Setting a date in the distant future isn't a bad idea and as you have chosen a method already which your are confident with you have enough time to make the plan perfect should you really want to ctb on the set date. And within the next 562 days so many things can happen that could change your life and your decision but anyway in my opinion CTB is always and was always a legal option under certain circumstances.

I wish you all the best!

thankyou your your kind words, and im sorry that you can relate - when you can't enjoy life, it can feel like you're just pointlessly floating around </3

i think that setting a date this far in the future will give me an opportunity to really look at life, and to evaluate the options i still have left. as you said, a lot can happen - so i believe CTB should always be a very well thought out decision, since it cannot be taken back.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

thankyou your your kind words, and im sorry that you can relate - when you can't enjoy life, it can feel like you're just pointlessly floating around </3

i think that setting a date this far in the future will give me an opportunity to really look at life, and to evaluate the options i still have left. as you said, a lot can happen - so i believe CTB should always be a very well thought out decision, since it cannot be taken back.

Yes indeed, and you're still young you can have so many options. I'm more than double your age .... this will definitely limit my options slowly.

 

[MrDarkness]

562 I say is a good time, it's a good time to see if life gets better or not. I hope it does for you bro. I hope you find peace in life or death

 

[smpkie]

Good luck with your days. I wish you well, I hope you'll be able to experience life at it's fullest.

 

[90starve]

Yes indeed, and you're still young you can have so many options. I'm more than double your age .... this will definitely limit my options slowly.

the thought of slowly growing older terrifies me sometimes!

562 I say is a good time, it's a good time to see if life gets better or not. I hope it does for you bro. I hope you find peace in life or death

Good luck with your days. I wish you well, I hope you'll be able to experience life at it's fullest.

thankyou both your your support <3

 

[Praestat_Mori]

the thought of slowly growing older terrifies me sometimes!

That never terrified me! Actually as long as my life is "good" and that's sth very individual what one considers as "good life" for themselves" I have no problem reaching the age of 100+ (many of my ancestors became very old, 90-100 with hardly any physical issues). But actually in my current personal situation, I'm not interested in this goal at all as I consider it useless to go on living a life I don't want to live, so that's perfectly fine, just need to CTB if it was that easy, but hope, SI, family and so on make me hesitate.

 

[90starve]

That never terrified me! Actually as long as my life is "good" and that's sth very individual what one considers as "good life" for themselves" I have no problem reaching the age of 100+ (many of my ancestors became very old, 90-100 with hardly any physical issues). But actually in my current personal situation, I'm not interested in this goal at all as I consider it useless to go on living a life I don't want to live, so that's perfectly fine, just need to CTB if it was that easy, but hope, SI, family and so on make me hesitate.

yes, i can understand that - i suppose if my life were "good", i'd have no desire to end it at all. im actually not sure what it is that's keeping me here. perhaps it's just SI - but i can't imagine having to live in misery until i'm 90-100!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

- but i can't imagine having to live in misery until i'm 90-100!

me neither, that's y I would like to end it so much atm better yesterday than today ... but ... the usual things keeping us back.

 

[angel31]

i have chosen to CTB on/by my 22nd birthday - not including today, that is 562 days away.

right now, that date just it seems way too far away - but for as long as i am able to remember, i have been in a constant battle between wanting to end my life, and wanting to hang on just in case i find some sort of reason to live - so to combat this, i have set a date.

if i do not find a substantial reason to continue my existence on this hellish earth, i will take my life. a lot can change in 562 days, but i am also willing to bring forward my plans if necessary.

for my method, i have always preferred partial hanging, but after failing an attempt, i just don't think it's for me - instead, i will choose CO poisoning by charcoal in a tent.

when i have collated all my research, i plan to make a method thread.

i feel that i've never enjoyed life - but i am missing massive chunks of memory, so even if i have enjoyed life before, i do not remember. existence has become so bleak, for many reasons, and i just cannot see a point to continue much longer.

any input on this is very welcome, and i hope you all have a beautiful day <3

I hope you will get better in these 562 days, and that if not, you will have a safe, painless and peaceful passing.
Sending you some digital hugs
And I wish you a nice day too :)

 

[90starve]

I hope you will get better in these 562 days, and that if not, you will have a safe, painless and peaceful passing.
Sending you some digital hugs
And I wish you a nice day too :)

thankyou! downloading digital hugs now…… download complete! <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, but to me there could never be a beautiful day, having the ability to exist in this hellish reality really is so dreadful, the only relief for me lies in permanently being free from everything.

 

[3SVEAN]

I hope it goes well, yes you are correct a lot can change in those days and I'm happy that you've chosen 562 days until you do it, I think it's a wise choice because you make sure you don't miss out on anything and if you do it in the current time you might regret it, I believe in you and it feels like hell when someone tells you "Things will get better" just focus on living and moving on, focus on making life worth even if it's killing you.

 

[90starve]

I hope it goes well, yes you are correct a lot can change in those days and I'm happy that you've chosen 562 days until you do it, I think it's a wise choice because you make sure you don't miss out on anything and if you do it in the current time you might regret it, I believe in you and it feels like hell when someone tells you "Things will get better" just focus on living and moving on, focus on making life worth even if it's killing you.

thankyou <3

im not sure if i'm even going to focus on making life worth it though - life has just exhausted me of everything i have. i don't feel as if i have the energy to try to focus on anything anymore.