I have no reason to want to die

[kelimackie]

Right now I have a comfortable life. I'm married, I have loving parents, food on the table, roof over head.

Yeah some trauma here and there, but I healed from it I guess.

Yet I have absolutely no motivation to live. My hobby was fun at the beginning, but now it feels like an obligation.

I have no reason to want to die, but also no reason to want to live either. Life just feels pointless and boring.

I just want to rest.

 

[Epikur]

There is no need for a concrete reason to die. You just draw a balance. I know this all too well. We long for causality in order to explain why we commit suicide. If it wasn´t because of a depression, a major life event (e.g. death of a spouse) must fit as an explanation. But I think there is no need for a cause. Because: There is no obligation to live. If one conludes that everything has been seen or done, so why not end it all when you feel that you have passed the summit? Why waiting for physical or mental deterioration? So why not simply lay down and rest for eternity?

 

[cosifantutti]

I suppose I'd ask, 'are you suffering?' My life is great and I'm not bored. But I'm suffering a great deal with mental illness.

Btw what was your hobby that was fun?

 

[kelimackie]

There is no need for a concrete reason to die. You just draw a balance. I know this all too well. We long for causality in order to explain why we commit suicide. If it wasn´t because of a depression, a major life event (e.g. death of a spouse) must fit as an explanation. But I think there is no need for a cause. Because: There is no obligation to live. If one conludes that everything has been seen or done, so why not end it all when you feel that you have passed the summit? Why waiting for physical or mental deterioration? So why not simply lay down and rest for eternity?

You're right. I can't think of anything else to do with my life that will be exciting enough to diminish the boring bits.

I think I'll start arranging my CTB items after December, since I have a family trip scheduled and I'd like to see my grandma for the last time.

I suppose I'd ask, 'are you suffering?' My life is great and I'm not bored. But I'm suffering a great deal with mental illness.

Btw what was your hobby that was fun?

I suffer with major depression and bipolar/borderline disorder. I have absolutely no energy for anything, not even brushing my teeth.

I dance ballet, I always loved it and I just started dancing again, but it's not as rewarding as I expected.

 

[cosifantutti]

You're right. I can't think of anything else to do with my life that will be exciting enough to diminish the boring bits.

I think I'll start arranging my CTB items after December, since I have a family trip scheduled and I'd like to see my grandma for the last time.

I suffer with major depression and bipolar/borderline disorder. I have absolutely no energy for anything, not even brushing my teeth.

I dance ballet, I always loved it and I just started dancing again, but it's not as rewarding as I expected.

Having these mental health problems sounds really tough. I'm fortunate in that my energy's not bad.
I'm sorry your ballet isn't motivating. I hope you can work out the best way forward.

 

[ChampagneSupernova]

Some people have reasons, other with less or none. I know some people who; I have no idea haven't CTB after what they've been through or going through, still kicking it. Everyone is different. I have a pretty good life too, all things considered. Accomplished a lot. But I still think about CTB multiple times daily.

My hobbies feel like a chore anymore, I hear you. I used to love working on them, but now I just do so I don't fall out of practice, not for fun.

I think the reasons behind it are incredibly complex and not one size fits all. I hope you find peace & happiness in whichever direction you take. Take care!

 

[FuneralCry]

I see existence itself as enough of a reason to want to die, I know that in my case I could never wish to exist under any circumstances. And it's really understandable just wanting to rest eternally, I will always see that as preferable, to me existence is very meaningless and burdensome, I could never see a point and value to enduring this futile process of decaying from age just to die anyway.

 

[kelimackie]

I see existence itself as enough of a reason to want to die, I know that in my case I could never wish to exist under any circumstances. And it's really understandable just wanting to rest eternally, I will always see that as preferable, to me existence is very meaningless and burdensome, I could never see a point and value to enduring this futile process of decaying from age just to die anyway.

that's my thoughts exactly, if I'm going to die either way by old age, might as well do it now where I'm young, so I don't have to suffer for too long.

 

[february in alaska]

I completely understand this feeling. And then I feel guilty, because I know so many people have it so much worse than I do.... and that constant guilt just makes me want to CTB more. I don't know if I will ever see a way that any of this becomes worth it. With the world the way it is, life is just exhausting.

 

[Zaphkiel]

I completely understand this feeling. And then I feel guilty, because I know so many people have it so much worse than I do.... and that constant guilt just makes me want to CTB more. I don't know if I will ever see a way that any of this becomes worth it. With the world the way it is, life is just exhausting.

I do, too, and i couldn't have said it with better words so...i shamelessly quote. Although ATM my comfortable life is in a limbo.