Venting I have no other choice. I’ve ruined my whole life.

[corpsebridesmaid]

I'm a student right now. Although, i'm not the best one and my family is insanely strict about good grades and getting far career wise. I have exams coming up and am insanely behind. It would genuinely be impossible to pass even if i did my 100% best now.
I've always had the thought that if things go bad i can always CTB. I've struggled with mental health my whole life but this has pushed me over the edge. I truly have no other choices. Rather i CTB, leaving everyone i love to blame themselves. Or i stay and ultimately disappoint them to the point of them hating me and completely cutting me off. I truly don't know what to do.
The second problem is i don't currently have any methods that would work for me that i know of. I wouldn't want it to be a painful sight for the person who finds me. The best thing i could think of right now would be jumping, but i also don't have anywhere close to me that would be high enough for finish the job. I genuinely don't know what to do.

 

[bigmanharsh]

Hey man, It's alright. Rushing a CTB can be a very dangerous thing. I've also had insanely strict parents which have harshly disciplined me when I didn't live up to their expectations. It is quite scary but you can't rush a CTB. Try to explore your options and find what is most accessible to you. It is a very troubling predicament, but I don't think you have "ruined your whole life". If your parents do completely cut you off after you get some shitty marks, I think they are horrible assholes in of themselves. You can bounce back, Try to keep up hope and try to stay out of your head. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[tryingtoquietdown]

I understand how devastating and awful that feeling of disappointing your family is, especially when their expectations are so high. Like @bigmanharsh said, this is not something I would encourage you to rush to CTB over.

1. Even if your parents make you believe that you are worthless, useless, or anything less than completely worthy over bad grades, the rest of the world does not think that way. There are millions upon millions of people who fail their classes and go on to find other things that make their life feel meaningful. Their words hurt, but they are not the ultimate truth.
2. Try coming up with an extended plan. Pick a date months to a year or even two years in advance. Give yourself good time to think about it and consider your options. Then, in the mean time, do what you can to get yourself to a happier and healthier place. Ideally, by the time the date of your plan arrives, you won't feel the need to CTB. If not, at least you've given yourself options and have allowed yourself some time to grow and feel happy. That's better than living in misery.

 

[h.s.p.]

You have not ruined your whole life, but I think I can understand what you feel. You said you've been struggling with mental health all your life, and regardless of that, you're still here.
This is the opposite of failure, you have fought and you always got back up, until now. Now, something has pushed you over the edge. I don't know exactly what your mental issues are but I'm sure they're serious. The fact is, does your family know about your issues? They seem they don't since they're contributing in pushing you over the edge.
Maybe they don't understand you, maybe they don't take you seriously, but right now, it's them who are failing, not you. They are failing to help you.
Or maybe they're not as cold and heartless as you think, maybe they just don't know how to show affection. My father is a bit like this but he's nothing like a heartless man.
Failing an exam won't ruin your life and you don't deserve to die because your parents failed you. This being said, I don't know if your mental issues are fixable - if they're not, and you want out, I guess you're not to blame. But you shouldn't die because your family doesn't support you because they're the ones at fault, not you.
Of course, I don't know anything about you so I'm just guessing here. And no, I don't think that you're obliged to live just because 'it's life'. Hope my words make sense to you.
Sending some love your way