I have no one left

[nihilism44]

I will spare everyone the boring details, but my SO of 5 years cheated. We grew up together.. he was my best friend. I found out last night. I feel empty. He was the only person left in my life keeping me from ctb. Plans of a future together kept me going. I am trying so hard not to do something irrational tonight.. I need to be talked down. I am completely broken and I feel like there is no other option.

 

[Celerity]

I know it's easier said than done, but don't do something impulsive. This is very much a permanent solution whether your problems are temporary or not. You need to think it through and be sure with the calmest mind you can muster. Regardless of when you first contemplated catching the bus, I strongly encourage you to wait a while after such a huge loss - months maybe.

 

[Flippy]

I'm sorry they cheated :-( I've had this happen to me too and it's devastating, particularly if you've never been in a relationship with anyone else. I won't trivialise what you are experiencing, I basically lost my mind after I discovered what my first love did behind my back. All I can say is, please believe me, it does get better over time. I know, time is not something you can exactly take a detour round and that can make it feel all the more daunting.

What is the situation? Do you live together and/or are still together?

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this :-( I can remember how it felt for me and the thing I wish I could go back and tell myself back then? "You will make it through this and there are equally if not far more wonderful people in your future you will love just as much"

I might not have believed it but it did turn out to be true!

EDIT: Huh, it's doing that append to the last post thing, not sure what I'm getting wrong?

Are you still there Nihilism44? Here to talk if you want to, don't keep things bottled up! :-)

 

[abandonedSheep]

five years is such a long time. can i try to imagine what the cheating feels like too you? i am thinking about how powerful love is and how having a future with someone makes life feel like it's worth living. life makes sense. but their betrayal feels like they're cutting you out of your life, and that the trust that you had in them is now broken: thoughts like, "what else are they not telling me? i thought they loved me, but i guess they don't".

it feels like all the foundation that you built your life on in the future is crumbling, and there doesn't feel like there's a life you can build now.

-- did i get any of that right? what parts did i get wrong? you can feel free to correct me or tell me more. i'll read whatever you write, and i'm interested in what you have to say. broken relationships hurt so much; it's part of what drives my own suidiality.

 

[nihilism44]

I'm sorry they cheated :-( I've had this happen to me too and it's devastating, particularly if you've never been in a relationship with anyone else. I won't trivialise what you are experiencing, I basically lost my mind after I discovered what my first love did behind my back. All I can say is, please believe me, it does get better over time. I know, time is not something you can exactly take a detour round and that can make it feel all the more daunting.

What is the situation? Do you live together and/or are still together?

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this :-( I can remember how it felt for me and the thing I wish I could go back and tell myself back then? "You will make it through this and there are equally if not far more wonderful people in your future you will love just as much"

I might not have believed it but it did turn out to be true!

EDIT: Huh, it's doing that append to the last post thing, not sure what I'm getting wrong?

Are you still there Nihilism44? Here to talk if you want to, don't keep things bottled up! :-)

Thankyou so much for your response. I did read it last night and it did make me feel a lot better. I've had no energy to respond, but I went to work today and tried to function like a normal person. Hopefully, the bad thoughts don't come back as strongly tonight.
We did live together last year, but we both moved back in with our parents to save some money for a better place. We had a tour scheduled for this week actually. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, this has happened before, and this time it is much worse. I have to leave him. I feel empty but I hope I can turn this around into something positive once this pain subsides. I just don't know how to be by myself.
I just can't believe he did this.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't do something impulsive. This is very much a permanent solution whether your problems are temporary or not. You need to think it through and be sure with the calmest mind you can muster. Regardless of when you first contemplated catching the bus, I strongly encourage you to wait a while after such a huge loss - months maybe.

Thankyou for your kind words. I realized I was letting my emotion get the best of me last night, so I took some sleep meds (the correct amount, sry dark humor) and actually got some fairly good sleep. <3

five years is such a long time. can i try to imagine what the cheating feels like too you? i am thinking about how powerful love is and how having a future with someone makes life feel like it's worth living. life makes sense. but their betrayal feels like they're cutting you out of your life, and that the trust that you had in them is now broken: thoughts like, "what else are they not telling me? i thought they loved me, but i guess they don't".

it feels like all the foundation that you built your life on in the future is crumbling, and there doesn't feel like there's a life you can build now.

-- did i get any of that right? what parts did i get wrong? you can feel free to correct me or tell me more. i'll read whatever you write, and i'm interested in what you have to say. broken relationships hurt so much; it's part of what drives my own suidiality.

Thankyou so much. I appreciate you willing to listen and write such a nice response to me, a stranger about my personal problems. That's why I love this community so much.
Anyways, you pretty much captured my feelings perfectly. I feel like everything that I was living for has crumbled. When I would think about ctb due to my horrible mental health and bad life circumstance, the future that we had planned kept me going. He's my world (or was, I guess). I was already going through a horrible depressive episode, so this is really testing my strength. I'm going to try my best to hold on and see if things get better. Maybe I'll find myself and come out of this better than before since I haven't really had a life separate from him since I was 15. I'm trying to be a bit optimistic today to keep myself from falling apart.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I'm so so sorry you've had to go through this. I went through something kind of similar, but as always, experiences are different for each person.

I was with someone for two years. I had known them before this point for like a decade. I realize now there were problems, but I had the blinders on full and couldn't see anything. He asked me what my favorite gemstone was, said he figured he better know.. we talked about the future and the strong possibility of adopting children if I can't have bio children. I thought I was going to get the family I always wanted.

Then he broke up with me at the start of his year and my world fell apart. It's ironic, I remmeber him asking what my 5 year plan was if he wasn't in it and it was just.. an empty blank void. There was nothing. I felt like when I lost him, I lost my final chance at ever being a mother (I'm almost 38). And even adoption, I don't htink I can deal with letting another person romantically into my life so it would have to just be me. and i can afford to raise a child, adpoted or otherwise, on my salary.

I went through a deep deep period of probably the worst depression and suicidal ideation i ever had. It lasted for weeks. What broke me out of it was finding childless resources online and seeping them up like a sponge.

I know that's not the issue you're dealing with (AFAIK).. but I hate to sound cliche, but it does get better with time. It feels like there's nothing under your feet right now. I know that. I've been there. You'll find your footing again. I promise.

 

[Flippy]

Thankyou so much for your response. I did read it last night and it did make me feel a lot better. I've had no energy to respond, but I went to work today and tried to function like a normal person. Hopefully, the bad thoughts don't come back as strongly tonight.
We did live together last year, but we both moved back in with our parents to save some money for a better place. We had a tour scheduled for this week actually. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, this has happened before, and this time it is much worse. I have to leave him. I feel empty but I hope I can turn this around into something positive once this pain subsides. I just don't know how to be by myself.
I just can't believe he did this.

Thankyou for your kind words. I realized I was letting my emotion get the best of me last night, so I took some sleep meds (the correct amount, sry dark humor) and actually got some fairly good sleep. <3

Thankyou so much. I appreciate you willing to listen and write such a nice response to me, a stranger about my personal problems. That's why I love this community so much.
Anyways, you pretty much captured my feelings perfectly. I feel like everything that I was living for has crumbled. When I would think about ctb due to my horrible mental health and bad life circumstance, the future that we had planned kept me going. He's my world (or was, I guess). I was already going through a horrible depressive episode, so this is really testing my strength. I'm going to try my best to hold on and see if things get better. Maybe I'll find myself and come out of this better than before since I haven't really had a life separate from him since I was 15. I'm trying to be a bit optimistic today to keep myself from falling apart.

Hey nihilism44!

First let me say very well done for going to work today! You have greater strength than I ever did when dealing with this sort of situation! It can be a good strategy, as the more you keep to your routine the more you will see that you still have a good deal of it intact.

When we get a nasty shock like this it can feel all that grounds us has vanished. So try to do all the things that make you feel comforted that you used to and keep putting one foot in front of the other :-) If you need to get things off your chest and purge some emotions I'm sure we will all be here to chat! It's all part of the process of adjustment and I think you've already shown great resolve so I'm sure you will get through this!

Time is a good healer, but going through the process of getting through that time can feel daunting. I know this was the biggest problem for me and I wished I could just skip to the resolution :-/ The best advice is to indulge in the things that you enjoy as much as you can. Occupy your mind with hobbies or ideas for projects that you maybe put off. Maybe you like music or drawing or even just watching cool shows on Netflix or something? Make this time about you and the things you like to do but haven't had much chance to dedicate time to!

After a while doing this my experience was best summed up as "Wow, I'm getting so fulfilled by making music, making things and learning tons about electronics and computer programming! I don't think I would have much space for a relationship!" Of course there did end up being that space in reality, but the way I would describe it is that I was happy enough single so I didn't miss being in a relationship I guess.

Of course we are individuals and what works for me might not be exactly what works for you. So take some time to figure out what suits you best. In the end you will remember your relationship fondly and maybe even occasionally with some melancholy, but it will become just a memory and an experience that helped you grow :-)

best of luck to you! :-)

 

[whywere]

I have been there, where a girlfriend, a long time ago, cheated on me money wise and stole over $25,000 U.S. dollars from me. I have gotten over it, but it still stings. I truly feel and know where you are @nihilism44 and I am here for you. We are brothers and sisters in arms here on SS and I send you lots and lots of huge hugs, love and bright blue sunny skies. We can get through this together, you are strong!!!!!! Walter