Story I have no idea what do make of myself.

[Require_love]

When I was graduating school, I had a singular goal- med school. Now IN medical school, it's.... It got harder, obviously. I came here voluntarily, but I really don't know what to make of myself anymore. I quit caring so suddenly.
The suicidal ideations that were my constant companions a few years ago have started coming back again. I just..... Don't know anymore.
That said, medical school is funny as hell. We dissected some cadavers today, again. Learnt about immunity and stuff that probably is pretty important. Made a blood smear. Et cetera. Then I saw a girl cheat on her classroom bf with another guy (we travel together for a while on our commutes) and I lost faith in humanity (you know, that little bit you didn't think you had anymore??).

I was just thinking how futile everything is. Then I began to wonder, is suicide bad at all when no one cares/ left alive to care?
That's how my day went, how were yours?

 

[wkmrn]

You have to find the meaning of why your in med school , not just do fun stuff , fun stuff are just stuff that happen just like bad stuff , but if you find a meaning that will make you want to leave the bed's comfort at 9 am to work , then it would be way easier , understand that there is a real meaning to med school beyond getting money and a good social status , understand that this envolves people in really hard moments and you doing your best to help and find a solution with the knowledge you've acquired through years of studies.