• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

T

Trav1989

Experienced
Jun 2, 2024
250
My wife of 8 years left me to "find herself" a few months ago and despite me accomplishing everything she asked it was "too late" even though we agreed we'd work things out. I'm 34 and I'm not starting over again. I've been spending the past week just drinking heavily to the point of passing out every day and quit eating and know it's a painful way to go but at this point I just don't care. I've been through enough in this existence to realize it isn't for me and I'm just done with it all. If things get worse (as they likely will) I will probably speed things up with other methods and have a few options (none painless).

This world is just too hard and relationships come and go and your left with yourself and rebuilding everything just to have it fall apart again is exhausting.

I know for a fact I am done though, I knew it a few months even before my wife left and once she mentally checked out (before she physically did) I realized that it was over and I can't imagine living my life without the person I had been with for over a decade and been married to for 8 years.

I already have written a will of sorts where she can have all of my things when I do CTB filled with apologies for everything I failed on in the past.,

Just felt the need to mention my situation so people on here know my situation. Pretty much mentally/emotionally checked out and realized I'm not strong enough for this existence. I had a good run though while it lasted. Just can't deal with things anymore to put it lightly. 34 years of ups and downs has been too much and I've just had enough. My grandpa would have told me to toughen up but his entire life was miserable with three failed marriages and he ended up taking his own life at 62 so I guess I don't want to deal with another 30 years of this when it's hopeless.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: escape_from_hell, thebelljarrr, kunikuzushi and 4 others
Alexei_Kirillov

Alexei_Kirillov

i must rest here a moment
Mar 9, 2024
1,326
I read this post a few years ago and saved it because it resonated with me so much due to this exact feeling of "I've just had enough," maybe you will relate to it too:

I know depression can be treated, I know there are new jobs, new friends, countries I haven't seen, books I haven't read, conversations to be had. Heck, maybe I'll even find love, who knows.

But the thing is, I don't give a crap. I have this feeling inside me that I'm done. I've had good times, I've had bad times. I don't need any more new experiences, happy or sad.

Some people live everyday like it's their last day on earth. I live everyday like my last day on earth was yesterday. I'm just an empty shell, a ghost. My future is just something to be calculated, a technical formality I have to endure. It's a fucked up experience to have at this age.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: LostinTime24, escape_from_hell, thebelljarrr and 6 others
feelinggloomy

feelinggloomy

Experienced
May 29, 2024
252
I read this post a few years ago and saved it because it resonated with me so much due to this exact feeling of "I've just had enough," maybe you will relate to it too:

I know depression can be treated, I know there are new jobs, new friends, countries I haven't seen, books I haven't read, conversations to be had. Heck, maybe I'll even find love, who knows.

But the thing is, I don't give a crap. I have this feeling inside me that I'm done. I've had good times, I've had bad times. I don't need any more new experiences, happy or sad.

Some people live everyday like it's their last day on earth. I live everyday like my last day on earth was yesterday. I'm just an empty shell, a ghost. My future is just something to be calculated, a technical formality I have to endure. It's a fucked up experience to have at this age.
It's as though you read the thoughts from my mind. I'm a shell and ghost of a person like I'm living behind a glass window. I can see what is happening in the world but I'm disconnected from everyone and everything. I'm sorry you feel this way too. It is a hard way to live.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: xxyinyangxx, 2messdup and Alexei_Kirillov
breezyjelly

breezyjelly

Member
Jun 7, 2024
12
So true. I wake up every morning disappointed to still be alive. I'm so tired, can't wait to CTB.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Alexei_Kirillov
2

22yrsandnowshesgone

Member
Jun 6, 2024
16
hi i am too going thru a divorce of 22 years . u in north america ? and do you want some company on the drinking / no food to the bitter end ? im 43 and if i cannot right this, i am heading down that path myself
It's as though you read the thoughts from my mind. I'm a shell and ghost of a person like I'm living behind a glass window. I can see what is happening in the world but I'm disconnected from everyone and everything. I'm sorry you feel this way too. It is a hard way to live.
disconnected , loosing my wife of 22 years , i feel like something just let go in me and now im floating , walking here and there, just watching myself move, faces change , buildings , but i stay the same , just floating , reality isnt real anymore .nothing truly matters
I read this post a few years ago and saved it because it resonated with me so much due to this exact feeling of "I've just had enough," maybe you will relate to it too:

I know depression can be treated, I know there are new jobs, new friends, countries I haven't seen, books I haven't read, conversations to be had. Heck, maybe I'll even find love, who knows.

But the thing is, I don't give a crap. I have this feeling inside me that I'm done. I've had good times, I've had bad times. I don't need any more new experiences, happy or sad.

Some people live everyday like it's their last day on earth. I live everyday like my last day on earth was yesterday. I'm just an empty shell, a ghost. My future is just something to be calculated, a technical formality I have to endure. It's a fucked up experience to have at this age.
exactly the way i feel. once it sets in nothing matters , everything is just grey , no joy , no happiness just throbbing pain , and endless wandering thru your day , every minute thinking it just needs to end .
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Alexei_Kirillov
feelinggloomy

feelinggloomy

Experienced
May 29, 2024
252
So true. I wake up every morning disappointed to still be alive. I'm so tired, can't wait to CTB.
I wake up every morning p…. Off I'm alive
hi i am too going thru a divorce of 22 years . u in north america ? and do you want some company on the drinking / no food to the bitter end ? im 43 and if i cannot right this, i am heading down that path myself

disconnected , loosing my wife of 22 years , i feel like something just let go in me and now im floating , walking here and there, just watching myself move, faces change , buildings , but i stay the same , just floating , reality isnt real anymore .nothing truly matters

exactly the way i feel. once it sets in nothing matters , everything is just grey , no joy , no happiness just throbbing pain , and endless wandering thru your day , every minute thinking it just needs to end .
Yes every minute is excruciating and painful. Limping through the day like a zombie and the expectations of others that you will engage. Can't do it much longer
 
  • Like
Reactions: Alexei_Kirillov and breezyjelly
Raven2

Raven2

Arcanist
Dec 1, 2022
459
I went through a similar situation after being in a very long relationship, it's really tough. I still struggle even now.
 
Raindancer

Raindancer

Specialist
Nov 4, 2023
341
My heart goes out to you. Mine was 23 years before he wanted to go live a more fun life. It does get a bit better with time but the loss is always there.
 
Dark Window

Dark Window

Forest Wanderer
Mar 12, 2024
548
I read this post a few years ago and saved it because it resonated with me so much due to this exact feeling of "I've just had enough," maybe you will relate to it too:

I know depression can be treated, I know there are new jobs, new friends, countries I haven't seen, books I haven't read, conversations to be had. Heck, maybe I'll even find love, who knows.

But the thing is, I don't give a crap. I have this feeling inside me that I'm done. I've had good times, I've had bad times. I don't need any more new experiences, happy or sad.

Some people live everyday like it's their last day on earth. I live everyday like my last day on earth was yesterday. I'm just an empty shell, a ghost. My future is just something to be calculated, a technical formality I have to endure. It's a fucked up experience to have at this age.
I understand that feeling. Like I could just press a button and die. I don't even care anymore.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Alexei_Kirillov

Similar threads

P
Replies
6
Views
392
Suicide Discussion
pleasexbexover
P
xomoon
Replies
7
Views
272
Offtopic
FoxSauce
FoxSauce
BlueLock
Replies
5
Views
361
Recovery
secretghost
secretghost