Venting i have everything i need

[wastingtime]

I have my SN, metoclopramide and ibuprofen, hell i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.
I feel so ready to end it all. i just need to deep clean my apartment which is the hardest part of it all. but i can't wait to finally die. i will am thinking about doing it next week but it might be sooner depending on how i feel.

i'm done with school. im done with life. there's nothing left for me to enjoy here. there were a few good moments like vacations with my friends and good food but in the end none of it matters. i feel unheard and unlistened to and uncared for in this universe. everybody is going to feel so much better once a loser like me is finally fucking gone. i know they love me but i also know deep down nobody can fucking stand me at my worst. im just a hindrance to everybody's fun.
i cant wait to be gone and stop feeling like a burden. i'm so happy. i really hope SN works out and i can leave in peace.

 

[Enlighten]

I have my SN, metoclopramide and ibuprofen, hell i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.
I feel so ready to end it all. i just need to deep clean my apartment which is the hardest part of it all. but i can't wait to finally die. i will am thinking about doing it next week but it might be sooner depending on how i feel.

i'm done with school. im done with life. there's nothing left for me to enjoy here. there were a few good moments like vacations with my friends and good food but in the end none of it matters. i feel unheard and unlistened to and uncared for in this universe. everybody is going to feel so much better once a loser like me is finally fucking gone. i know they love me but i also know deep down nobody can fucking stand me at my worst. im just a hindrance to everybody's fun.
i cant wait to be gone and stop feeling like a burden. i'm so happy. i really hope SN works out and i can leave in peace.

I'm sorry you have these feelings. You're not a loser and i'd love to listen to you. I'm sure that there are people in your life who would share this sentiment.
It is your decision at the end of the day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[livinginsorrow]

I'm sorry you have these feelings. You're not a loser and i'd love to listen to you. I'm sure that there are people in your life who would share this sentiment.
It is your decision at the end of the day.

I have my SN, metoclopramide and ibuprofen, hell i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.
I feel so ready to end it all. i just need to deep clean my apartment which is the hardest part of it all. but i can't wait to finally die. i will am thinking about doing it next week but it might be sooner depending on how i feel.

i'm done with school. im done with life. there's nothing left for me to enjoy here. there were a few good moments like vacations with my friends and good food but in the end none of it matters. i feel unheard and unlistened to and uncared for in this universe. everybody is going to feel so much better once a loser like me is finally fucking gone. i know they love me but i also know deep down nobody can fucking stand me at my worst. im just a hindrance to everybody's fun.
i cant wait to be gone and stop feeling like a burden. i'm so happy. i really hope SN works out and i can leave in peace.

im so sorry you feel this way. i would love to listen to you and be there for you if that's what you need. you sound lovely and in need of support, which i am more than happy to be there for you. i hope whatever you do at the end of the day brings you peace, but just know i am here if you need me <3

 

[skaro]

Can you elaborate on your reasoning please? Remember, you need to think things through with your brain, not your emotions, because emotions change, logic is constant. Do you have actual X Y Z reasons why you can't keep going, or is it all just a feeling? Did you talk to anyone about it?

 

[wastingtime]

Can you elaborate on your reasoning please? Remember, you need to think things through with your brain, not your emotions, because emotions change, logic is constant. Do you have actual X Y Z reasons why you can't keep going, or is it all just a feeling? Did you talk to anyone about it?

I've had depression and suicidal thoughts since i was 14. ive been barely surviving these past 5-6 years only because my last suicide attempt failed. i dont see any point in life and i just don't have the strength in me to fight anymore for a bare minimum life. the thought of disappearing and resting forever gives me more comfort than any success i could have here. i have no emotional support from my family and i cant depend on them any longer at this age.

if i focus on my mental health i would end up being a jobless NEET and the mental pressure from family society etc would just make me depressed again. there's simply no hope for me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Good luck with everything going forward.

 

[cursedcure]

i feel you. i'm glad you have everything you need, it must be a relief. i wish you the best in your plans whatever you end up deciding, and above all i hope you find peace.

 

[ThisIsLife]

i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.

"Stomach acid is important for faster pass out time. This is why an acid reducer is no longer recommended":

The Biochemistry of Methemoglobinemia and SN ingestion

I've written a small essay of what that happens in our body when we ingest sodium nitrite. I will do my best to describe the pathology and biochemistry of methemoglobinemia and nitrite poisoning. This is from my own research and I will post the sources from scientific articles and journals...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best! Good luck!

 

[Solo]

I have my SN, metoclopramide and ibuprofen, hell i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.
I feel so ready to end it all. i just need to deep clean my apartment which is the hardest part of it all. but i can't wait to finally die. i will am thinking about doing it next week but it might be sooner depending on how i feel.

i'm done with school. im done with life. there's nothing left for me to enjoy here. there were a few good moments like vacations with my friends and good food but in the end none of it matters. i feel unheard and unlistened to and uncared for in this universe. everybody is going to feel so much better once a loser like me is finally fucking gone. i know they love me but i also know deep down nobody can fucking stand me at my worst. im just a hindrance to everybody's fun.
i cant wait to be gone and stop feeling like a burden. i'm so happy. i really hope SN works out and i can leave in peace.

U forgot the antacid. Anyway u want a partner I'm with u

 

[wastingtime]

i feel you. i'm glad you have everything you need, it must be a relief. i wish you the best in your plans whatever you end up deciding, and above all i hope you find peace.

thank you drain gaanngg

"Stomach acid is important for faster pass out time. This is why an acid reducer is no longer recommended":

The Biochemistry of Methemoglobinemia and SN ingestion

I've written a small essay of what that happens in our body when we ingest sodium nitrite. I will do my best to describe the pathology and biochemistry of methemoglobinemia and nitrite poisoning. This is from my own research and I will post the sources from scientific articles and journals...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thanks for letting me know. i won't use the gaviscon then. i hope the metoclopramide and ibuprofen will be enough to keep things down

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Thanks for letting me know. i won't use the gaviscon then. i hope the metoclopramide and ibuprofen will be enough to keep things down

in case they aren't then I suggest taking Meto a bit earlier, maybe closer to an hour than 45 mins before sn, may give it more time to work. Anyway, I wish you the best, I've got all everything ready too including benzos, just a matter of waiting for now.

 

[steppenwolf]

I've had depression and suicidal thoughts since i was 14. ive been barely surviving these past 5-6 years only because my last suicide attempt failed. i dont see any point in life and i just don't have the strength in me to fight anymore for a bare minimum life. the thought of disappearing and resting forever gives me more comfort than any success i could have here. i have no emotional support from my family and i cant depend on them any longer at this age.

if i focus on my mental health i would end up being a jobless NEET and the mental pressure from family society etc would just make me depressed again. there's simply no hope for me.

Hey! I've been a jobless NEET for 20 years and I'm determined to keep buggering on with it until I'm a very ancient very horrible old man who never shared their life with anyone. How dare you. Don't belittle me for living my dream. Don't knock it until you've tried it little sister.

 

[skaro]

I've had depression and suicidal thoughts since i was 14. ive been barely surviving these past 5-6 years only because my last suicide attempt failed. i dont see any point in life and i just don't have the strength in me to fight anymore for a bare minimum life. the thought of disappearing and resting forever gives me more comfort than any success i could have here. i have no emotional support from my family and i cant depend on them any longer at this age.

if i focus on my mental health i would end up being a jobless NEET and the mental pressure from family society etc would just make me depressed again. there's simply no hope for me.

Please just try everything you can before doing it, even if you keep CTB in the back of your mind for your "personal comfort", just go hunting in the wild or something, go to malaysia or indonesia and try island hopping (it's super cheap there, I've been to southeast asia twice), please just try everything that could possibly alter your brain chemistry, CTB is permanent

 

[raltsrover]

Hey! I've been a jobless NEET for 20 years and I'm determined to keep buggering on with it until I'm a very ancient very horrible old man who never shared their life with anyone. How dare you. Don't belittle me for living my dream. Don't knock it until you've tried it little sister.

I know right? This person really deserves some high quality help. From the way they're writing it's clear that they're acting impulsively . Part of being suicidal is thinking that there's no other option, but the truth is that in most cases there is a solution (of course there are cases in which there's nothing else to do, but it's clear that it's a decision that you have to meditate a lot).

I have my SN, metoclopramide and ibuprofen, hell i even got Gaviscon just to be sure.
I feel so ready to end it all. i just need to deep clean my apartment which is the hardest part of it all. but i can't wait to finally die. i will am thinking about doing it next week but it might be sooner depending on how i feel.

i'm done with school. im done with life. there's nothing left for me to enjoy here. there were a few good moments like vacations with my friends and good food but in the end none of it matters. i feel unheard and unlistened to and uncared for in this universe. everybody is going to feel so much better once a loser like me is finally fucking gone. i know they love me but i also know deep down nobody can fucking stand me at my worst. im just a hindrance to everybody's fun.
i cant wait to be gone and stop feeling like a burden. i'm so happy. i really hope SN works out and i can leave in peace.

I know it may seem as if there's no other escape, but at least try to recover, believe me, it's worth it. As someone before me said, ctb is permanent. It's not something you should do when affected by emotions. If you need ANYTHING you can talk with me if it makes you feel better :). We do really care about you, wastingtime .

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and I hope when the time comes that you will be at peace to make whatever decision you choose.

 

[steppenwolf]

I know right? This person really deserves some high quality help. From the way they're writing it's clear that they're acting impulsively . Part of being suicidal is thinking that there's no other option, but the truth is that in most cases there is a solution (of course there are cases in which there's nothing else to do, but it's clear that it's a decision that you have to meditate a lot).

I don't know what the op's problem really is or if it's soluble, but I do know it's not my problem yet. My problem is that the op hurt my feelings by directly implying she would rather die than live among people on low incomes like myself. I feel devalued by that implication, and really the op owes me some consideration for that. Does she have anything she'd like to say to me please?

 

[wastingtime]

I know right? This person really deserves some high quality help. From the way they're writing it's clear that they're acting impulsively . Part of being suicidal is thinking that there's no other option, but the truth is that in most cases there is a solution (of course there are cases in which there's nothing else to do, but it's clear that it's a decision that you have to meditate a lot).

i understand where you're coming from and i know your heart is in the right place, but please understand that undermining my struggles and calling my lifelong clinical depression an impulsive phase isn't how you help somebody

I don't know what the op's problem really is or if it's soluble, but I do know it's not my problem yet. My problem is that the op hurt my feelings by directly implying she would rather die than live among people on low incomes like myself. I feel devalued by that implication, and really the op owes me some consideration for that. Does she have anything she'd like to say to me please?

i'm talking about killing myself because i cant keep up with society's expectations anymore. this isn't a thread for you to troll around. make your own post if you want to be a jokester

 

[skaro]

i'm talking about killing myself because i cant keep up with society's expectations anymore.

have you thought about disappearing to a 3rd world country?

 

[steppenwolf]

i'm talking about killing myself because i cant keep up with society's expectations anymore. this isn't a thread for you to troll around. make your own post if you want to be a jokester

Unbelievable. Now I have to spell it out for you.

Being a jobless NEET for 20 years is not a joke. It's an agony that I have learned to survive in spite of it. I could have taught music composition at Royal Holloway. I could have done a work placement at NASA. I'm qualified. And yet I've been homeless, and could write a book about the exquisite soul-searching pain of it. All you've ever done is go to school, go on vacations with friends, enjoy good food, and idly contemplate suicide in your own apartment. You're neither qualified to say you've tested life and found no reason in it to live, nor to denigrate the unemployed by claiming you'd rather die than join them, nor to condemn me and write off the pain of my own ruined life as a joke. To say nothing of the millions worse off than me.

Society's expectations don't just affect you, they affect everybody else in society too in exactly the same way as you're experiencing. And at this stage, all that society expects from you is for you to apologize to me. Something like: 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I don't really think that all jobless NEETs should kill themselves, I was just so wrapped up in my own adolescent problems I didn't think about what I was saying, and what it meant to other people trying to cope with more adult problems than my own.'

If you can't keep up with that, perhaps you should take your fashionable first world poisons. That's a joke btw.