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pinkblur

Member
Oct 3, 2023
8
I can't talk to people about this in my life. It fucking sucks that this topic out in the world doesn't have any answers. I've called numerous hotlines and had this conversation with my therapist countless times over the years. Maybe this forum does since topics like this are openly accepted here, maybe this is my last bastion. This is my first independent post here so I don't know what to expect.

I have a great job. I take good care of myself. I exercise and eat healthy. I have a lot of friends and a supportive family. I am a talented musician with great bandmates with so much to look forward to in music. The people in my life genuinely love and support my musical endeavors. I am attractive and personable. I have the awesome car and material possessions. Despite all these great aspects on my life, I am lonely and long for companionship. I work extremely hard on my music as it brings me happiness though fleeting.

It sounds of insecurity; life's experiences have shown statistically my height plays a factor in me being alone. For context, I'm a 5'2 male in his 30's. As I grow older, it gets more and more difficult for me to date. I'm good looking enough for people to want to be friends with, for people to even want to have an affair with, yet not good enough to be loved as a whole person outwardly aka people would rather keep me a secret. People will give me a chance and see my flaws and toss me aside for someone new (because hey, might as well deal with someone else's flaws since they're taller/is better in bed). I used to get upset about not being favorable about being shorter, but it's human nature for most women to gravitate towards taller people for sense of security.

I am around the age where many of the people in my circle are settling down with families. I wish I could even just be in a relationship with someone who cares about me as more than a friend. I've experienced time and time again these let downs and I don't have the energy to keep reliving this cycle. As mentioned above I write music to help me cope with my loneliness. It gives me purpose, but these days I am losing touch with what it once brought me. I would love to write about being genuinely loved and not about being lonely or suicidal for once.

I don't want to exist anymore. Am I doomed to living the rest of my life as a single person who just does music for fun? Unable to have the simple basic human needs of touch and companionship? I don't have the energy for this anymore. How long do I have to "keep working on myself" to be good enough? How much journaling, meditating, and hours in the gym do I need to spend? How much time do I need to dedicate to my passions 'to eventually attract my person' from all the hard work I do? Why is it that I need to work so damn hard on myself yet there are people who get loved for who they are when they don't have jobs, don't exercise, don't have any passions or ambitions, but they're taller than their partner? Because they can fuck them well enough to where those things don't matter? I feel disgusted just typing that out but I've become so jaded by life's experiences to be brought to this line of thinking.

Therapy does not help, the hotlines do not help. The topic scares the shit out of people. If my parents weren't around still, I would gladly leave this plane of existence. I would be upset for a bit if I got cancer, but at the same time it would be a relief to know I have a legitimate out that wouldn't hurt others as bad as knowing I offed myself.
 
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Guy Smiley

Guy Smiley

Just another lost soul
Jan 4, 2024
459
This musician was also 5'2"

Prince
 
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DeIetedUser4739

Specialist
Apr 21, 2024
384
It sounds like you got a lot going for you despite the relationship thing. Maybe getting into Antinatalism will make you not care about all your friends settling down starting families and bringing more people into this world to suffer.
 
PetrichorBirth

PetrichorBirth

Student
Mar 5, 2024
118
How much journaling, meditating, and hours in the gym do I need to spend? How much time do I need to dedicate to my passions 'to eventually attract my person' from all the hard work I do?

These things you mentioned should in my opinion never be done with the sole purpose of attracting someone else. All of these are things you do for yourself only.
 
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Ash

Ash

Enlightened
Oct 4, 2021
1,221
Some people are shallow. But most people fall in love with the person they fall in love with. Character counts far more than looks. Have you considered that maybe you should try to find a way to let go of your worries about your appearance and just focus on being yourself without those superficial hangups?
 
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pinkblur

Member
Oct 3, 2023
8
These things you mentioned should in my opinion never be done with the sole purpose of attracting someone else. All of these are things you do for yourself only.
i do these things for myself. the issue i have is when i've tried to talk to others about my loneliness and they give me this advice like i'm not taking any of the right steps already.
Some people are shallow. But most people fall in love with the person they fall in love with. Character counts far more than looks. Have you considered that maybe you should try to find a way to let go of your worries about your appearance and just focus on being yourself without those superficial hangups?
i'm not worried about my physical appearance, but the height piece is one thing i can only let go of for so long. look around at all the couples in the world the majority is the guy is taller than the girl. i focus on being myself all the time, i'm just tired of focusing on just myself. i have so much love to give but no one to give it to and it hurts.
 
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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
1,821
Have you tried giving love in non romantic ways? Platonic love towards friends, doing special things for them. Volunteering to give love to others, like hospitals, homeless shelters, animal shelters, etc. Give love to the planet by looking into gardening or sustainability. Maybe explore any further passions you may have outside of music to give love to other things.

I'm sorry life has put you in this position. I know having a good life doesn't exempt you from depression and suicidality.
i'm not worried about my physical appearance, but the height piece is one thing i can only let go of for so long. look around at all the couples in the world the majority is the guy is taller than the girl. i focus on being myself all the time, i'm just tired of focusing on just myself. i have so much love to give but no one to give it to and it hurts.
 
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Ash

Ash

Enlightened
Oct 4, 2021
1,221
i do these things for myself. the issue i have is when i've tried to talk to others about my loneliness and they give me this advice like i'm not taking any of the right steps already.

i'm not worried about my physical appearance, but the height piece is one thing i can only let go of for so long. look around at all the couples in the world the majority is the guy is taller than the girl. i focus on being myself all the time, i'm just tired of focusing on just myself. i have so much love to give but no one to give it to and it hurts.
Your height is part of your physical appearance!
 
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AllMyDreams

AllMyDreams

Experienced
Dec 12, 2021
279
Aren't there many women around your height or shorter? Don't count yourself out. But it might be helpful mindset-wise to move away from thinking of a partner as a "need" and instead more of a "nice to have". I think if you adopt that mindset you'll also come across as more attractive to women.

Regardless e.g. my relative has been a bachelor his whole life and he has a happy, fulfilling life, he works in a field that he is passionate about. Your situation is a reason to be frustrated, but in my opinion on it's own it's not a reason to CTB.
 
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pinkblur

Member
Oct 3, 2023
8
Aren't there many women around your height or shorter? Don't count yourself out. But it might be helpful mindset-wise to move away from thinking of a partner as a "need" and instead more of a "nice to have". I think if you adopt that mindset you'll also come across as more attractive to women.

Regardless e.g. my relative has been a bachelor his whole life and he has a happy, fulfilling life, he works in a field that he is passionate about. Your situation is a reason to be frustrated, but in my opinion on it's own it's not a reason to CTB.
women my height or shorter don't want a guy that is the same or barely taller than them. it's preferable to have a guy that is taller that they can wear heels around. i've told myself the same, that having a partner is a nice-to-have. but that doesn't change the fact that life is any less difficult alone. it fucking sucks and you are correct i'm frustrated. why should i live my life alone when there are others who treat their partners like garbage but still get to go to sleep next to someone at night? to have a connection despite flaws? i'm not perfect, but i've worked so hard internally and externally and i'm still alone. i don't have energy for it anymore

is your relative's life situation the same or similar to mine?
Have you tried giving love in non romantic ways? Platonic love towards friends, doing special things for them. Volunteering to give love to others, like hospitals, homeless shelters, animal shelters, etc. Give love to the planet by looking into gardening or sustainability. Maybe explore any further passions you may have outside of music to give love to other things.

I'm sorry life has put you in this position. I know having a good life doesn't exempt you from depression and suicidality.
Have you tried giving love in non romantic ways? Platonic love towards friends, doing special things for them. Volunteering to give love to others, like hospitals, homeless shelters, animal shelters, etc. Give love to the planet by looking into gardening or sustainability. Maybe explore any further passions you may have outside of music to give love to other things.

I'm sorry life has put you in this position. I know having a good life doesn't exempt you from depression and suicidality.
i give so much love in non romantic ways. i have so many people in life who love me and support me platonically. it's not the same. it's not a replacement for romantic love. anything beyond platonic love has been foreign to me for so long. someone once told me that sometimes people are meant to be alone, maybe i'm one of those people and i don't want to be.
Your height is part of your physical appearance!
yes it is. i've worked on everything else that i can work on and control in terms of my physical appearance which i don't have worries about. i can't change my height. if i can't change my height, am i stuck to this scenario for the rest of my life? i don't want to be if i can help it.
 
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Ash

Ash

Enlightened
Oct 4, 2021
1,221
What we're saying is stop trying to change your appearance. If you're hung up on something (or too proud of it), people notice and it's off putting. If you can find a way to be comfortable with how you look, including your height, you make room for your character. If you're looking for a long term relationship, then personality is what matters. But you won't find that as long as you're walking round saying that women aren't attracted to short men.
 
P

pinkblur

Member
Oct 3, 2023
8
What we're saying is stop trying to change your appearance. If you're hung up on something (or too proud of it), people notice and it's off putting. If you can find a way to be comfortable with how you look, including your height, you make room for your character. If you're looking for a long term relationship, then personality is what matters. But you won't find that as long as you're walking round saying that women aren't attracted to short men.
the majority of women aren't, this is statistically true. any look outside in a public space proves this. not saying that women aren't attracted to shorter men at all either, i've dated women who are taller than me and i know it's possible. as i get older and older it has gotten increasingly more difficult to date. everyone is with someone already and i've lost hope. do i need to be an absolute angel to make up for my height? i know i have a great personality because of all the people in my life who love me platonically. my cup is full and overflowed to the point where it makes me want to give up.
 
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AllMyDreams

AllMyDreams

Experienced
Dec 12, 2021
279
women my height or shorter don't want a guy that is the same or barely taller than them. it's preferable to have a guy that is taller that they can wear heels around. i've told myself the same, that having a partner is a nice-to-have. but that doesn't change the fact that life is any less difficult alone. it fucking sucks and you are correct i'm frustrated. why should i live my life alone when there are others who treat their partners like garbage but still get to go to sleep next to someone at night? to have a connection despite flaws? i'm not perfect, but i've worked so hard internally and externally and i'm still alone. i don't have energy for it anymore

is your relative's life situation the same or similar to mine?


i give so much love in non romantic ways. i have so many people in life who love me and support me platonically. it's not the same. it's not a replacement for romantic love. anything beyond platonic love has been foreign to me for so long. someone once told me that sometimes people are meant to be alone, maybe i'm one of those people and i don't want to be.

yes it is. i've worked on everything else that i can work on and control in terms of my physical appearance which i don't have worries about. i can't change my height. if i can't change my height, am i stuck to this scenario for the rest of my life? i don't want to be if i can help it.
I honestly don't know why my relative is single. He's dated many times it just hasn't worked out for him. But he is generally happy. And I think you can be too while acknowledging there are things you lack.
 
LaVieEnRose

LaVieEnRose

Illuminated
Jul 23, 2022
3,842
I'm sorry, I'm a short male and it sucks. Gay though. My twin brother who obviously is the same height did manage to find a wonderful woman who was taller.

Why did the relationships with the taller woman not last?
 
P

pinkblur

Member
Oct 3, 2023
8
I'm sorry, I'm a short male and it sucks. Gay though. My twin brother who obviously is the same height did manage to find a wonderful woman who was taller.

Why did the relationships with the taller woman not last?
two were long distance (one relationship 2 1/2 hours away, the other in a different country) the one in the other country they stayed with me for a while but eventually wanted to move on to someone closer. the other was a polyamorous relationship. that in itself wasn't an issue at all, but i got too needy from the distance. 3rd was my last monagamous serious relationship that lasted over 2 years, she was asexual and i wasn't, and we ended up growing apart over time. my longest relationship was 5 years that started in high school, she cheated on me with someone she met when she went away to college
 

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