Story I have depressive thoughts all the time and I don't even know why.

[montanatype]

I don't even classify it as "venting", I don't know what's wrong with me, simply if I'm not researching, informing myself, or consuming works on topics related to suicide or depression, I don't feel comfortable, these days I wanted to leave them aside, and I'm very nervous, I feel the need to get high, I'm really in a death spiral and I don't even know how it ended like this, was it really the only way? What leads a person to end up like this? I don't understand, I don't understand anything.
And if I didn't really kill myself, how could I be a person after all this? of everything you've experienced? of everything experienced? I can't just press a button and delete everything.

 

[imjustamtfgirl]

(Schitzo post ahead) If I'm catching your drift, I can relate similarly to the difficulty wrapping ones head around ceasing existence and with that, "experience". How does a human consciousness just cease to exist? We cant experience truly nothing, like a true nothing...no experience at all. Is it because its seemingly the only foolproof "way out" of this life and onto whatever lies ahead?