I will address the "needy" issue. It's not fun to be needy, it's not fun to feel anxious. That is the fastest way to turn a woman off, to loose a girlfriend, to have a woman loose interest in you. But number one, it's for you. Thats what you have to remember. Here's a few techniques:
#1. Deprioritize woman in your life. So first comes health, then comes wealth, then comes lifestyle and then comes woman. Health needs to come first because without it you're dead. Wealth needs to come second because without it you're homeless. Lifestyle needs to come third because your lifestyle needs to be in order for you to have health and wealth. Good sleep, getting up early, getting organized. And then comes woman. And that's just not in the sense of priorities, priorities extend to your time. 8 hours a day sleep for your health plus eating well, grooming and all these other things we do to take care of our body properly. 8-10 hours a day of working to make sure your finances are taken care of. Thats the bulk of your day, health and wealth. Lifestyle is whats going to be able to create that, doing all those tasks. And then its time for your relationships. You have to have those things handled. With no health and no wealth, there's gonna be no woman. Period. And as a man you have to take care of yourself first. If you have a partner and kids but your health and wealth are fucked up and your lifestyle is a mess, its a lot harder to help. So those things have to be priority 1, 2, 3. Woman want a man on a mission. And woman want a man who has money and is in good shape and that comes by making those things priority. Obviously if your girlfriend is in the hospital you drop everything. The same thing if you have kids. But I'm saying in general.
#2. Ge state from as many sources as possible. Your make friendships, yoga, exercise, family, playing chess, playing with cats, golf, tennis, video games, music, reading, movies, swimming, biking, ect. Everybody likes different things. But you want to have like 10-15-20 different things you can go after that will give you state. If your woman is the last thing you have before depression, you're probably gonna loose them. If thats the only things you have going on. You wanna get state from as many different things as possible. By state I mean what makes you feel physically, mentally and emotionally good. The more things you can get state from the more options you have to feel good and less dependent you are on any one particular thing.
#3. Unless you're committed to one woman, have other woman available that you're talking to. It doesn't make sense to not keep your options open if you're not committed. Don't just go all in at the start, feel it out a bit before you commit. You want to be able to go into the relationship where you know the person and not commit too quickly. Even if you like her so that you can make sure that it's the right person.
When you're in a committed relationship you shouldn't be takking to other woman. But you should still be taking care of yourself physically. So if things don't work you know you're able to go out and get other woman. Its the most bizarre thing to me when I've worked with married men and they'd put on weight and they'd say well it doesn't matter, I'm married, I've got her locked down. Thats not how it works. Half those marriages end in divorce. You still have to be attractive for the person you're with as well as for your self as well if things don't work out you can still have options
#4. Act like the man you want to be. So this is like identity level change. Does the man that you want to be act needy? The answer is no. You don't want to be the needy guy. So start with that. Put your character before your actions. Make your character a priority. Character is a daily battle to make sure that your actions are in line with that but at least start with that core level identity change of being the man you want to be. It starts with the target, these are the characteristics that he has so I'm going to embed those deep within my core. Start with the target and then move from there. And then I'm going to take those actions that are in line with the character of the man I want to be. Not who you are. Who you want to be. It could just bw the future version of yourself. Why wait 10 years to be acting like that when I could start now? Start today.
#5. Know on a deep level that you can find other high quality woman if it happens. I'm not one of those guys who says all are the same. There are some very high quality woman out there and there are some woman you definitely shouldn't be in a relationship with. And high quality women do not come along all the time. Might take you 6 months, a year, two years until you feel like it's someone you can commit to. I'm not dogmatic, I think its about putting yourself in the right position, the right type of relationships for where you are in your life. But the truth is a lot of guys have that phrase, "not all woman are like that," in these dating forums to sort of put a guy down but the reality is there is a massive, massive difference between a high quality woman and a woman you shouldn't date. That applies to men, too. I'm not throwing woman under the bus. All humans. You might feel like you want to hang on to someone because they are special and they might be special but by being needy, that hurts your chances of holding onto that person. So you can recognize that this is a special person. At the end of the day if everyone lived to 2,000 there may be one out of 6 billion relationships that lasted that long. Nothing lasts forever. You might be with that person until you die. You might not. But we don't know with 100% certainty. And that could be a high quality person but you need to know that you'll be able to attract another high quality person. It may just take 6 months to a year. That will help stop you from clinging onto that person like its your last hope. Any time you do that, you're gonna loose them. I'm not saying don't invest. I'm not saying don't double down on someone who is special. Take really god care and put a lot of effort in. What I'm saying is, know that, if you can attract one high quality woman, you can attract another one. And that should help you not be needy with that particular person.
#6. Lay off those mood altering drugs. Chances are when someone sends a needy text it's after they're drunk, high, on phenibut. The chances of you doing something dumb in an altered state increase. Maybe consider cutting down at least until you're done going through whatever it is you're going through. Those substances tend to amplify emotions.
#7. Own your own narrative. "Does this text look needy?" My response is, just say it anyways because at the and of the day this is a girl who hasn't even met up with a guy. So why are we so worried about what she is gonna think? By owning your own narrative know that you're not needy. And know that within yourself. There's sort of a fine line between sincere and then still having to use game. I wish the world was different. I wish we could be a lot more sincere. I feel like I'm a lot more sincere and open than a lot of people. But sometimes you do have to hold that back a little bit and there's kind of a fine line - once you start to see a girl and when to be sincere. I encourage sincerity in relationships with the right woman. But when you're messaging girls before you've seen them. At the end of the day, if some girl thinks your needy that has nothing to do with your narrative. You have to own your own narrative. Especially if that girl hasn't met up with you. Who cares? Same thing with a client. You're making 100 cold calls a day and some secretary thinks you call too much, who cares? You're trying to do whats best for your family. Just like you're trying to meet up with a girl, there's nothing with that. You own your own narrative, you know inherent at your core that you're not needy. Nobody can make you feel anything. Some girl sends you something, just block her, delete her information. You're not worried about it because you're secure in yourself. So you're able to be sincere, you're able to message exactly when you get a text from her without waiting the obligatory 2 hours because she waiting 2 hours to respond to you and all that bullshit. You can speak from the heart. And if she's giving you shit for it, then she's not the one for a higher level relationship. So when you own you're own narrative you're able to be much more sincere because you know at your core that you're not needy.
- Hope that helps!
Two days ago we had our third date. And I think it was pretty good. It was the best date thus far. We spent 8 hours together. We came close to each other but have not touched each other. I even have the feeling I might start to develop feelings for her. She does not fit the description of the dream girl I ever imagined but I still appreciate it to spend time together with her a lot. I often mourn about how she is treating her in front of others when I am frustrated. I have the feeling the dates became better and better. And potentially could become even better.
HOWEVER, I have a big issue she hates texting. And I love texing. I feel so lonely if she does not text me. And her communication to me is really mediocre. But is this really a good argument to end it? Or to look for someone else? I tried to convince her to text me more often. But it seems like she does not want that. I wish we could find anything. And I think we need to find something if we want that this connection lasts a long time. Maybe we could phone each other?
The thing is I often become paranoid when I meet women and have an interest in her. Texting her was thus far for me rather a side not and a quick task. I did it daily but searched for someone else while doing it. But now I want to become serious with her. In real life she is different. In real life we fit to each other. Online we don't fit at all. But I am so discontent with our communication. I think she likes me. I think she fears that I would dislike going on long walks with her. It is something she really enjoys. I am totally fine with that. I really enjoyed the last time. But if she likes me she has sacrifice something for me.
But let's be real I think I would not leave her over that. (Maybe?) First, I really start to like her I think. Second, I am needy and desperate as fuck. And I am so fucking touch depraved. I don't know how amazing these dates will feel it we become intimate.
There is something really really bad. She is now for 6 weeks on vacation. I wonder whether I can convince her to phone call me at least once. I wonder how often she wants to meet if we get into a relationship. I hope for once a week. A strong bond is very important for me.
We won't have much time before college starts to be together. I am scared to become manic if we get intimate together. This could be really bad if it hits the same time period. I think she noticed I am quite shy. And guys should usually do the first step. Though I think I have the female part in this dating experience. She was the ones who asked for the first two dates. Sometimes I feel like a woman who dates a fuckboy who who is emotional distant towards her.
I should not waste time imagining how we could become intimate. I have to try to survive the next 6 weeks somehow.
I need to reread your post but depending on how far into a relationship you are, just talk to her about expectations. Everyone has different expectations for what a relationship entails. Open communication is fundamental to a healthy relationship.
