I have a life, how do i kill myself

[elohim-144]

I have friend, a gf, etc. The problem is that i dont want them to miss me when i ctb, any ideas?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There's no way to solve this problem. Someone is always the one who is gonna suffer. Either it's you bc you want to leave for your personal reasons but you cannot leave or they are your family/friends who have to grief your death. They will miss you bc we all a humans and wie are social creatures.

 

[elohim-144]

There's no way to solve this problem. Someone is always the one who is gonna suffer. Either it's you bc you want to leave for your personal reasons but you cannot leave or they are your family/friends who have to grief your death. They will miss you bc we all a humans and wie are social creatures.

I thought of being assholes to them so they would'nt miss me as much

 

[Silent Raindrops]

That's probably one of the biggest reasons people delay ctb, is the fear of people missing or becoming sad when you're gone. It's definitely a part of life, something that will happen sooner or later.

 

[rozeske]

I have friend, a gf, etc. The problem is that i dont want them to miss me when i ctb, any ideas?

You should ask your self if are they enough for you to stick around and keep going.

 

[timetodie24]

Nothing you can do stop people missing you, it's human nature, even if you're awful to them now then they'll still remember and miss the good times. And possibly feel guilt that they didn't notice the change in personality was a sign

"I thought of being assholes to them so they would'nt miss me as much".

 

[elohim-144]

You should ask your self if are they enough for you to stick around and keep going.

They are definitely enough for me to be around, its just that im a burden on society & i have no future

 

[rozeske]

They are definitely enough for me to be around, its just that im a burden on society & i have no future

Am sorry some times I feel that way too. But as long as they mean enough to you am sure you mean a lot to them and they may not see you as a burden?

 

[thinvy]

I thought of being assholes to them so they would'nt miss me as much

I'm afraid there's a decent to good chance that won't work. the love of my life, my "one that got away" tried his best to push me away and do things I didn't like. He made crude offensive jokes that were far beyond what he would ever say or actually believed was right. He started avoiding me, was rude and detached in his responses to messages. He made himself constantly busy so that he could excuse himself from being around me or responding to me.

We were both incredibly insecure and depressed and moderately suicidal, and I wanted to help him, which would've helped me. But he wanted to get worse and be miserable and die alone because he felt like he deserved it.

I still love him, and I still miss him all these years later. It was painfully obvious exactly what he was doing too, so I saw right through it. We were super close and very similar, so it was hard to not see that's what he was doing.

Either way, if they figure you out or not, once you're dead, it will become painfully obvious to just about anyone who goes through this. They'll likely feel even worse because "how could I have missed this. I should've done more. clearly they were just doing this to spare my feelings. this is my fault. I can only imagine how much it hurt to act like this when it's clear they care about me."

tl;Dr, I don't recommend. it's likely to backfire.

 

[silent.desperation]

I'm afraid there's a decent to good chance that won't work. the love of my life, my "one that got away" tried his best to push me away and do things I didn't like. He made crude offensive jokes that were far beyond what he would ever say or actually believed was right. He started avoiding me, was rude and detached in his responses to messages. He made himself constantly busy so that he could excuse himself from being around me or responding to me.

We were both incredibly insecure and depressed and moderately suicidal, and I wanted to help him, which would've helped me. But he wanted to get worse and be miserable and die alone because he felt like he deserved it.

I still love him, and I still miss him all these years later. It was painfully obvious exactly what he was doing too, so I saw right through it. We were super close and very similar, so it was hard to not see that's what he was doing.

Either way, if they figure you out or not, once you're dead, it will become painfully obvious to just about anyone who goes through this. They'll likely feel even worse because "how could I have missed this. I should've done more. clearly they were just doing this to spare my feelings. this is my fault. I can only imagine how much it hurt to act like this when it's clear they care about me."

tl;Dr, I don't recommend. it's likely to backfire.

Did he CTB?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I thought of being assholes to them so they would'nt miss me as much

No, that would absolutely make things worse because they'll realize why you became am asshole to them, that you deliberately changed so they wouldn't miss you once you ctb

They are definitely enough for me to be around, its just that im a burden on society & i have no future

Perhaps focus on them for now before you figure out your own place in this world, I'm sure there are still ways for you to do that since you've said they are enough for you to be around.

Either way, if they figure you out or not, once you're dead, it will become painfully obvious to just about anyone who goes through this. They'll likely feel even worse because "how could I have missed this. I should've done more. clearly they were just doing this to spare my feelings. this is my fault. I can only imagine how much it hurt to act like this when it's clear they care about me."

That's exactly it.

That's probably one of the biggest reasons people delay ctb, is the fear of people missing or becoming sad when you're gone. It's definitely a part of life, something that will happen sooner or later.

I mean, it isn't a surprise that some of the strongest reasons I've seen people glad they didn't ctb is that the pain they would've caused their family was too much to bare.

 

[thinvy]

Did he CTB?

he did not, thankfully. I did end up having to detach my life from his for a while, because we were both making each other feel much worse, and I didn't want him to have to go through the pain of finding out id killed myself the same year a classmate of ours did.

I, uh, also kind of threatened him into staying alive and trying to get better by threatening myself. I didn't do anything too bad, but I think having to watch me rot away in depression at how bad he was getting was punishment enough. the reason we stopped being so close is because watching him suffer was making my eating disorder worse, I was staying up later and later trying to get a hold of him and make sure he had eaten, and that he wasn't working out literally all night again; I was more and more visible stressed out and unhealthy that I lost around 30 pounds when I was already underweight out of worry for him.

I made him keep up with his circle of other friends and made them check in with him and hang out more often, and made my older sister check in with his older brother on how he was doing, while I focused on trying to get a bit better for him.

he seems to have had a happier story out of this than I have, though. we reconnected later, and though things were kinda touchy for a while, he was clearly doing a bit better, if for no other reason than he didn't want to see me get that bad again. but then I was forced to move our last year of school, and we drifted apart again. he was busy working after school, and I was in a different time zone, and was even more depressed than I had been.

we did reconnect once more after that, after id moved back home, and after my worst relationship ever. he seemed to be doing great. he had a very nice apartment in a very nice area. he was making pretty good money from his job, and he seemed genuinely happier than I'd ever seen. I was, unfortunately, still a depressed self conscious idiot who thought he was gonna kill himself soon, so i couldn't bring myself to keep up the relationship. I didn't think I deserved to be around him anymore, nor did I have the opportunity most of the time.

now he's off somewhere, far far away from me, and I moved farther still before he did. he has a girlfriend who I have no idea how he feels about. he got some work a while back in the field he was always interested in, but not exactly what he always wanted, but I figure he was still happy to be doing something in the ballpark of that. I sincerely hope with every last fiber of my being that he's happy, or as happy as he can be. I'm just happy he's living, and I'll settle for that.

sorry to dump part of my life's story on you. he was a really important chapter of my life to me, and I love him for it.

 

[silent.desperation]

No need to apologise, I can hear how much he means to you. Thanks for sharing.

 

[elohim-144]

No, that would absolutely make things worse because they'll realize why you became am asshole to them, that you deliberately changed so they wouldn't miss you once you ctb

Perhaps focus on them for now before you figure out your own place in this world, I'm sure there are still ways for you to do that since you've said they are enough for you to be around.

That's exactly it.

I mean, it isn't a surprise that some of the strongest reasons I've seen people glad they didn't ctb is that the pain they would've caused their family was too much to bare.

No its just that i think the world around me actively wants me to die because i will eventually become a jobless basement dweller

 

[Deleted member 65988]

No its just that i think the world around me actively wants me to die because i will eventually become a jobless basement dweller

But if you've said that those two people, your current gf and friend, are reasons to stick around because you feel better or lighter with having such support systems in your life then perhaps you can use that to try to figure things out from there, I don't know to what extent you think which caused you to come to a point where you're considering ctb.