Venting I hate the things my mind does to me

[willitpass]

My mind has come up with a new form of self harm and it's so fucked up. I plan on venipuncturing myself in my foot this evening and drawing as much blood as I can until it either blows the vein or I pass out. I already collected the supplies from work. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with the vials or the needle afterwards, but when my brain gets an idea for something it's impossible for me to get it out. I hate it inside of my head. It's hell on earth in here. Hell I don't even know if I'll be able to get into a vein because I'm so dehydrated, even if I don't then at least I can cause myself pain by going fishing. I hate my mind so much.

 

[Ash]

I've been wrestling with that desire recently. Did it in my hands a few years ago and blew several veins. Thinking of you. Xx

 

[willitpass]

I missed twice. Once was just a bad stick, the second I chose a really painful spot and it was a bad angle, so I missed that one too. I have a couple more needles left to try, but I don't know. I'm so dehydrated I'm not convinced I'll have any luck with my feet. I'm debating trying my arm, but I don't want anything visible for people to question. Maybe I'll just wait until a day I'm better hydrated. I'm so disappointed in myself for not getting a good stick.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I missed twice. Once was just a bad stick, the second I chose a really painful spot and it was a bad angle, so I missed that one too. I have a couple more needles left to try, but I don't know. I'm so dehydrated I'm not convinced I'll have any luck with my feet. I'm debating trying my arm, but I don't want anything visible for people to question. Maybe I'll just wait until a day I'm better hydrated. I'm so disappointed in myself for not getting a good stick.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much and that you couldn't even get any relief from this either.

 

[willitpass]

I tried on my hand and I think I had it but I couldn't find a way to attach the vials while maintaining the needle. Fuck. I'm so upset right now.