Venting I hate the fact that people who hurted me and abused me are so happy

[shadow_nova]

And that includes my parents too it's so goddamn horrible seeing all these people so content and happy with life . Today I saw the guy who Sa'd me for years in my childhood and guess what ? He looked genuinely happy and hes been living such a good life and here I am completely ruined with no hope for my future . The worst part is even when I CTB people including my parents are just gonna play the victim and never accept their mistake they're gonna live happily after blaming and making fun of my death and knowing them they'd even be so happy that I'm dead . I don't believe in god if there's an all merciful and loving God out there why dint he save me ? Why the fuck am I treated like a piece of shit by the same people who are supposed to be family it hurts it really hurts even thinking about how they're gonna blame me for my death and never realise their mistakes and just go on with their lives happily . I want all the people who ruined me and my life to suffer , I want them to feel guilty and realise how horrible they are i want my family to fall apart I want their bubble of narcissism to pop . Years and years of living in this hell of a house I can't do anything anymore I'm barely a human I can't function normally im ruined beyond words I don't understand why did I spend my whole life being beaten around , abused , cursed at , abandoned , outcasted and Sa'd . Life isn't fair they shouldn't be happy after ruining my life and taking away my childhood ):

 

[Lost Magic]

Humans can be so cruel, even the ones that are supposed to be the closest to us can end up fucking us up even more.

 

[shadow_nova]

Humans can be so cruel, even the ones that are supposed to be the closest to us can end up fucking us up even more

I agree . All i can hope is that they suffer after my death

 

[d3ad]

Oh my god, I am so sorry. I can only imagine how much pain you must be in. They deserve nothing but the worst. I hope you find peace and relief someday. You do not deserve what you are going through.

 

[coffeebeany]

And that includes my parents too it's so goddamn horrible seeing all these people so content and happy with life . Today I saw the guy who Sa'd me for years in my childhood and guess what ? He looked genuinely happy and hes been living such a good life and here I am completely ruined with no hope for my future . The worst part is even when I CTB people including my parents are just gonna play the victim and never accept their mistake they're gonna live happily after blaming and making fun of my death and knowing them they'd even be so happy that I'm dead . I don't believe in god if there's an all merciful and loving God out there why dint he save me ? Why the fuck am I treated like a piece of shit by the same people who are supposed to be family it hurts it really hurts even thinking about how they're gonna blame me for my death and never realise their mistakes and just go on with their lives happily . I want all the people who ruined me and my life to suffer , I want them to feel guilty and realise how horrible they are i want my family to fall apart I want their bubble of narcissism to pop . Years and years of living in this hell of a house I can't do anything anymore I'm barely a human I can't function normally im ruined beyond words I don't understand why did I spend my whole life being beaten around , abused , cursed at , abandoned , outcasted and Sa'd . Life isn't fair they shouldn't be happy after ruining my life and taking away my childhood ):

I am so sorry for for all that has happened to you. I m sorry you are in so much pain. And you are absolutely right, non of this should have ever happened to you. It was nobodys right to hurt or abuse you. You should have been loved, cherished and protected. Unfortunately we are not able to choose the families or circumstances we are born in. I m in a similar position - abused, tormented and neglected by the parents and familiy that should have been a loving safe place. My narcissitic mother will put on a great act on the day I die to gain all the sympathie and attention she can get - like usual. I can fully understand the disire for revenge. I ve been feeling like this forever and still do. I m in no position to tell you what to do or feel. Everyone's situation is unique. But I have been trying to let go of the outward focus and desire for revenge. I have been trying to find revenge in a different way. I let them lose me. I try to get rid of their control by getting rid of thoughts about revenge and hate. If or rather when I CTB I ll be in control and I ll end life on my terms. I ll get control over my narrative. CTB is about getting free. About being free from pain and misery and not about their punishment. I cannot control how people react and what they will do. But I can make them lose me and control over me. And in the end I like to think that other people will wonder, what pushed me this far and that they won't fall for the act that my parents will put on. But I accept that society struggles with accepting the brutal reality that sometimes the first abuse people experience is at home.

 

[SilentSadness]

Sadly it's always the rotten people who are happy, never feeling remorse for their horrible actions, always taking every opportunity to use others for their own benefit. It is very unfortunate that you are suffering while they are happy.

 

[JagJones8]

And that includes my parents too it's so goddamn horrible seeing all these people so content and happy with life . Today I saw the guy who Sa'd me for years in my childhood and guess what ? He looked genuinely happy and hes been living such a good life and here I am completely ruined with no hope for my future . The worst part is even when I CTB people including my parents are just gonna play the victim and never accept their mistake they're gonna live happily after blaming and making fun of my death and knowing them they'd even be so happy that I'm dead . I don't believe in god if there's an all merciful and loving God out there why dint he save me ? Why the fuck am I treated like a piece of shit by the same people who are supposed to be family it hurts it really hurts even thinking about how they're gonna blame me for my death and never realise their mistakes and just go on with their lives happily . I want all the people who ruined me and my life to suffer , I want them to feel guilty and realise how horrible they are i want my family to fall apart I want their bubble of narcissism to pop . Years and years of living in this hell of a house I can't do anything anymore I'm barely a human I can't function normally im ruined beyond words I don't understand why did I spend my whole life being beaten around , abused , cursed at , abandoned , outcasted and Sa'd . Life isn't fair they shouldn't be happy after ruining my life and taking away my childhood ):

You are not alone. I gave 15 years of my life to a woman and had 3 children with her and she suddenly decided to leave me for another man. Then she successfully took full custody of my children. Why does she get to be happy with a new man and have our children and I get to be left with nothing? I didn't do anything at all to deserve this. I already thought life wasn't really worth it but I had a wife and children. Now she has taken all of that from me and faces no consequences for destroying me. I really don't want to even live anymore and a part of me wants to ctb as my only means to hurt her but I know that she wouldn't actually care and it would just make it better for her. If there really was a god, why would he make it this way? Why do I have to go through all of this and have my entire life shattered when I have done nothing wrong? I don't believe in anything anymore. No god, no karma, no justice. I won't live in a world like that.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I feel you. My parents are responsible for the pathetic bundle of mess I am and now I have to run to psychologists and psychiatrists and try to fix myself, and they live their lives just fine, ignorant of what they've done.

 

[shadow_nova]

You are not alone. I gave 15 years of my life to a woman and had 3 children with her and she suddenly decided to leave me for another man. Then she successfully took full custody of my children. Why does she get to be happy with a new man and have our children and I get to be left with nothing? I didn't do anything at all to deserve this. I already thought life wasn't really worth it but I had a wife and children. Now she has taken all of that from me and faces no consequences for destroying me. I really don't want to even live anymore and a part of me wants to ctb as my only means to hurt her but I know that she wouldn't actually care and it would just make it better for her. If there really was a god, why would he make it this way? Why do I have to go through all of this and have my entire life shattered when I have done nothing wrong? I don't believe in anything anymore. No god, no karma, no justice. I won't live in a world like that.

I'm so sorry you went through that it's not your fault you dint deserve it there's no god even if there's any God he's just cruel for making us live like this

 

[JagJones8]

Exactly. If there really is a god then he's pretty awful. He allows so much unspeakable cruelty to happen on this planet every day and allows so many good people to have horrible devastating things happen to them and allows wicked treacherous people to be happy and live "happy" lives. And if there isn't a god then death is just a release from the struggle of living rather than something to fear for what comes after it