Starfire
just here to vent
- Nov 3, 2020
- 34
Confession #22
I hate that I prioritize other people's feeling over my own just because I love and care about them too fucking much. I'm more concerned about how they would feel if I get mad at them even it's supposed to be a reasonable reaction. I worry that they'd feel guilty about what they did and try to beat themselves up for it. It's so unfair, but i can't help it. Why do I have to be the one suffering and feeling guilty when they are the ones who did me wrong. And don't even get me started about feeling guilty because I'm not being totally honest with them about my feelings and hurt because I fear they'd feel bad about themselves. All these emotions are so messed up. It's so ironic that I'm a very empathic person yet I don't know how to handle and manage my own feelings. I lack the ability to process big emotions that's why I always try to hide it or refuse to acknowledge it but then it takes a toll on me when it accumulates and gets all pent up inside– I implode and I start beating myself up emotionally and physically. It's like every scar and bruise I earn is a reflection of how people failed me. I hate these feelings. I just want to disappear so I won't have to deal with these anymore.
I hate that I prioritize other people's feeling over my own just because I love and care about them too fucking much. I'm more concerned about how they would feel if I get mad at them even it's supposed to be a reasonable reaction. I worry that they'd feel guilty about what they did and try to beat themselves up for it. It's so unfair, but i can't help it. Why do I have to be the one suffering and feeling guilty when they are the ones who did me wrong. And don't even get me started about feeling guilty because I'm not being totally honest with them about my feelings and hurt because I fear they'd feel bad about themselves. All these emotions are so messed up. It's so ironic that I'm a very empathic person yet I don't know how to handle and manage my own feelings. I lack the ability to process big emotions that's why I always try to hide it or refuse to acknowledge it but then it takes a toll on me when it accumulates and gets all pent up inside– I implode and I start beating myself up emotionally and physically. It's like every scar and bruise I earn is a reflection of how people failed me. I hate these feelings. I just want to disappear so I won't have to deal with these anymore.
