i hate that nobody understands this feeling

[depthss]

i hate having this desire that nobody understands. everytime i hear about suicide, its 'suicidal people dont want to die, they just dont want to live', or 'suicidal people want to live, they just want to escape the pain.' or 'suicide is a crisis, it is caused by depression or emotional turmoil'
i cant relate to any of this. and NOBODY even TRIES to understand my perspective. i WANT to die. i have a genuine desire to just kill myself. i do not fear death, i feel eagerness and excitement when i think about suicide. my life is quite good, the only thing i dislike about it is that it keeps me from being dead. i have no pain i need to escape, i am not in a crisis, i am not miserable.
the idea of death makes me happy. not in a relief way, but a genuine, strong passion and happiness.
i do not understand why i feel this way. it is an obsession that fully takes hold of me. i cant explain it, but i want nothing more than to act on it. the only reason i have yet to do it is because of a person that will be bothered by my death. but it has to happen.
it is such a strong obsession and passion and i dont get why. i have other strong, unusual obsessions that i NEED to act on with no understanding of why, so it is not unusual in that regard. i dont know why i feel so strongly and positively about suicide, but i do. i do not want to be 'helped' or 'treated' or 'saved'
i want to be free to act on my desire and stop existing. but i want to understand it as well. it is a compulsion, and obsession, and almost wholly positive at this point. i have not found a single person who relates to me, nor have i found a single person that can accept that this is a desire not born of misery, but of excitement and happiness regarding death. why cant people try to understand me? that is all i want while i am still here

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i hate having this desire that nobody understands. everytime i hear about suicide, its 'suicidal people dont want to die, they just dont want to live', or 'suicidal people want to live, they just want to escape the pain.' or 'suicide is a crisis, it is caused by depression or emotional turmoil'
i cant relate to any of this. and NOBODY even TRIES to understand my perspective. i WANT to die. i have a genuine desire to just kill myself. i do not fear death, i feel eagerness and excitement when i think about suicide. my life is quite good, the only thing i dislike about it is that it keeps me from being dead. i have no pain i need to escape, i am not in a crisis, i am not miserable.
the idea of death makes me happy. not in a relief way, but a genuine, strong passion and happiness.
i do not understand why i feel this way. it is an obsession that fully takes hold of me. i cant explain it, but i want nothing more than to act on it. the only reason i have yet to do it is because of a person that will be bothered by my death. but it has to happen.
it is such a strong obsession and passion and i dont get why. i have other strong, unusual obsessions that i NEED to act on with no understanding of why, so it is not unusual in that regard. i dont know why i feel so strongly and positively about suicide, but i do. i do not want to be 'helped' or 'treated' or 'saved'
i want to be free to act on my desire and stop existing. but i want to understand it as well. it is a compulsion, and obsession, and almost wholly positive at this point. i have not found a single person who relates to me, nor have i found a single person that can accept that this is a desire not born of misery, but of excitement and happiness regarding death. why cant people try to understand me? that is all i want while i am still here

i need to get to that level of obsession so i can do it. but i know why i want to suicide and why i want to be obsessed with it. it was born of misery, horrible things happening. these horrible things happening led me to research how bad life and this world are in general . so in a way the miserable things are a horrible broken road that leads me to escape from the prison called life , the road to non-existence which is the solving of all problems forever. of course i wish the horrible things hadn't happened at all and that i was never born to begin with. now all i have to do is get myself to execute my suicide so that i can escape to the freedom of non-existence forever no pain no suffering ever again and out of the threat of extreme torture forever ,the only guarantee of those

 

[VoidBlessed]

I think I get what you're saying. I'm extremely depressed and traumatized, and that certainly increases how suicidal I am, but I have been fascinated with death since I was five years old.

When I realized that grown-ups, who were supposed to know everything, had no idea what happens when you die made me incredibly curious. I'm curious by nature and this seemed like the ultimate secret to uncover. I've gone through periods where I was perfectly happy and still wanted to die just to discover the answer to the biggest question a living being can have. When I think about death and all the possibilities it might have I get excited too. I can't wait to find out.

 

[cait_sith]

Having been born we are forced into death either way, you are forced to die no matter what, but you are expected to let faith decide when and how, you are expected to prolong the inevitable as long as possible, expected to stay in limbo as long as possible while falling apart from age, and if they catch you not wanting to face this process they force you into it, criminalise you etc, and get smart-ass about the "real reasons".