I hate that I am gay.

[Parnate]

I wish I was straight so I could have a normal life . I was always a feminine kid and bullied a lot for same.
My family has been pressuring me to get married. I now feel that not having a family of my own is a major part of life that I am missing out. I dread at an old age without my own kids or a life partner.
Is there a way to overcome this self hatred? Has anybody overcome it. I am getting counselling as well so will talk to counsellor soon.

 

[TenThousandTrees]

Yep, I feel very much the same way. I like to joke that I prefer "envy" over "pride" to describe my feelings towards my sexuality... as bitter and sad as it might be, I do admit I'm pretty jealous of straight people in general.

Obviously all relationships are hard and everyone has to deal with bullshit, but being gay by itself creates so much psychic damage. Judgement and alienation from the people around you. Statistically far more difficulty finding a long term stable, loving partner. And all the external factors aside, I think some of us grapple with a feeling that the way we live is just wrong. Yeah, "internalized homophobia" they call it, but I don't know, I can't help shake the feeling that it's something more innate than that. Is it so implausible that some deep part of my lizard brain is just screaming out that my attraction is against my basic evolutionary wiring?

I have very little doubt in my mind that if I were straight I would not be a member of this forum.