Venting I HATE sleeping alone; I can't wait to die! Please somebody talk to me :(

[FTL.Wanderer]

Yes. The reason I feel so confident about CTB after a few months of being on the edge and afrad is when I fully accpeted that : NO ONE OWES US SHIT> And Im okay with that.

Totally agree. I had a run in with the law in school (police were looking for someone else but forced their way into my hotel room and physically assaulted me). When I went to a professor for support, he told me, "You can't expect anyone to like you or be kind to you. You can only expect them to respect your legal rights." I'll never forget that. Anyone can treat us like sh*t so long as either they don't violate our legal rights OR if they do, they can deny it OR we can't afford the right attorneys to help us. But they wonder why some of us want to ctb...

Hope you find some peace tonight.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Totally agree. I had a run in with the law in school (police were looking for someone else but forced their way into my hotel room and physically assaulted me). When I went to a professor for support, he told me, "You can't expect anyone to like you or be kind to you. You can only expect them to respect your legal rights." I'll never forget that. Anyone can treat us like sh*t so long as either they don't violate our legal rights OR if they do, they can deny it OR we can't afford the right attorneys to help us. But they wonder why some of us want to ctb...

Hope you find some peace tonight.

Yes. Its pretty rough. Same to you hun.... hope you find relief..... kit

 

[Sans]

I've been sleeping alone almost my enitre life. Im so sick of it. The empty bed at the end of each miserable day is the prime reminder of my failure in this life. I HATE IT HERE. No one to get excited about. No deep connections or friends. I thought I could wait MONTHS before I ctb. Im sick of this shit. Im so unhappy. I cant do anything about it.. FUCK these judgemental motherfuckers who want to throw the "Choice" shit in my face. Free Will is a myth. If I could have chosen to have a good meaningful life, I would not be here. I feel trapped. Like a cornered animal foaming at the mouth. Sit in the house all day. No one to laugh with. Just on the computer scavaging for scraps to keep me from doing something stupid. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to show I can be generous & kind even at my end. Thete is no way I can wait that long. For the legal stuff to go through. How can I manage that long to ctb? Im so desperate. I cant even pull of my motherfucking METHOD IN THIS GOD DAMNED BROKEN LEG!!! ughhh.. WWWHHHYYYYYYYY....?

I wish someone would break into my house and just kill me. Where are all those crazy ass stories you hear on the news when you need them? Sigh.

Ive got to get through this being trapped in the house. Omg, I dont know how disabled people do it. I could NEVER live in a fucking wheelchair or anything where I could not move freely. This is nuts. Maybe I just need to learn how to play video games or something cause. The isolation & immobility might cause me to do something crazy. I want to exit the right way. On my terms. I have no clue how to do 4-6 weeks being barely able to use the fucking toilet.
Fuck resilience.
I really need to talk to somebody. :(

This is exactly how I feel, and I wanted to vent about it but there's no one who I feel will listen. I don't even have a roommate (I'm in college) so I get to see an empty bed beside me in my dorm. It gets cold and lonely out here, especially in the winter months, and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

 

[Sharethepain]

I feel like the empty bed is sort of a mental signifigance towards missing something or someone in our life, whether the person, or a thing, was there to begin with or not.

I got used to feeling empty, never being happy, not being able to enjoy the simplest things, having trouble sleeping, nigthmares on almost daily basis (although lately mild), but through all of that, there is one thing you never get used to.

It's waking up alone, in a bed where someone else should or could have been. Missing someone never goes away, time only deepens that kind of pain more.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Would be nice not to have anxiety and some sort of panic attacks when lying next to someone. Is the comfort of avoidance worth the lack of a warm body next to you?