I hate polyamory, I hate her and I hate myself and I want to die

[plain_jane]

I hate her for lying to me that I'm just as good as anyone else but whenever she's depressed or feels bad she hangs with someone else because I'm not good enough to make her happy. I hate myself for being ugly, stupid, gullible enough to believe I'm lovable. I hate my brain for being able to put it together and I just want to fucking eviscerate it into a million pieces. I hate being worthless so so so much. I hate being trans so so so much. I'd legitimately cut off my arms and legs to be a cis woman. I have nothing to look forward to in this life but bullshit customer service, and being ""misgendered"". I should never have even been born.

 

[whywere]

My thoughts and heart go out to/for you.

You are a wonderful and kind human and sending you lots of huge hugs, caring and bright blue sunny skies with fields of fragrant flowers.

Walter

 

[Suicidebydeath]

*hugs* I'm sorry for your suffering.

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

I hate her for lying to me that I'm just as good as anyone else but whenever she's depressed or feels bad she hangs with someone else because I'm not good enough to make her happy. I hate myself for being ugly, stupid, gullible enough to believe I'm lovable. I hate my brain for being able to put it together and I just want to fucking eviscerate it into a million pieces. I hate being worthless so so so much. I hate being trans so so so much. I'd legitimately cut off my arms and legs to be a cis woman. I have nothing to look forward to in this life but bullshit customer service, and being ""misgendered"". I should never have even been born.

apart from that you're ok?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Never really bought into the concept of polyamory.
I have a basic grasp of it, but never looked into it beyond that.
Regardless of which lifestyle you live, you deserve to be loved the way you want to.
I hope you find that.

 

[Bannana]

I hate her for lying to me that I'm just as good as anyone else but whenever she's depressed or feels bad she hangs with someone else because I'm not good enough to make her happy. I hate myself for being ugly, stupid, gullible enough to believe I'm lovable. I hate my brain for being able to put it together and I just want to fucking eviscerate it into a million pieces. I hate being worthless so so so much. I hate being trans so so so much. I'd legitimately cut off my arms and legs to be a cis woman. I have nothing to look forward to in this life but bullshit customer service, and being ""misgendered"". I should never have even been born.

You are not unlovable, and you are not worthless
You deserve someone that loves you the way you want to be loved
You are perfect the way you are
It is not that you are not good enough to make her happy, it is just that she doesn't want that from you at this time, and that's okay on her
But she is missing out because of that
You are worth more than you could ever know

 

[shrusho]

obviously i don't know the entirety of your story but i know personally when i feel really low i tend to subconciously avoid the people i love most as i am afraid to upset them or change the way they view me. might be similar to your situation as im sure if someone willingly chooses to spend their emotional highs with you then they surely have a reason to. you don't have to exist for others and if they continue to come back to you then its certainly nothing personal against u.
im sorry about the misgendering in customer service, people can be really fuckin dense and i know how bad it sucks. hopefully u can find it in u to try to block it out or forgive these people for being so ignorant, for ur own sake and wellbeing