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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
19,373
Interesting article. I think I can definitely identify that the source of my self-hate came from my father and maybe other students around me when I was growing up since I happened to be the poorest and dumbest kid in my class (this was objective fact. I wasn't that poor but I was also going to a private school. I was definitely the dumbest though). When my dad beat me to the point that I was removed from his house and made to live with my mom instead, that was when I first noticed this self hating voice surface. It has since become much more vicious than he ever has though.

I feel like for me, my "inner critic", as the article puts it, simply became my outer self too. This is why I often feel like I'm split between two entities that both hate themselves and each other instead of having my regular self and a negative inner voice like I assume most normal people do. I wonder what then I'm supposed to do knowing there's no true good person left inside me and that everything I say about myself is basically true?...
 
T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,117
There maybe an additional factor operating in self-hatred. Many people like to keep a sense of balance. If they feel they have done something wrong, they may feel the need to punish themselves to restore balance. In this way self-punishment becomes almost obligatory. It may even reach the point where a person feels absolved of the need to try to improve as long as they have sufficient punishment.

If the tension when something goes wrong can be changed from a need for punishment to a plan for future correction, it may be possible to start to diminish self-hatred.