Venting I hate my mother to death

[Nights]

I want to suicide so badly, i have a rope and a lethal acid, for the last 15 days, before i sleep i wish there was a pill that i could take and never wake up, but i know it doesn't exist, the only thing preventing me from hanging myself is my retarded toxic mother, i know after i suicide she will be very sad and will try to follow my path, which i honestly don't care about, fuck her, i hate this bitch, she's one of the reasons i want to suicide, but i don't want to be buried with her, i know i won't be alive when i suicide so i won't care but i still don't want to be buried with her, i wan't to be away from her as possible, the second option is to drink lethal acid, this will definetely kill me, it will be painful because i will feel my stomach and everything inside of me burning but i dont give a fuck anymore that's better than being alive, but i also don't want her to wake up seeing me dead, i tried to suicide once time taking a lot of sleeping pills and i thought i won't wake up again but i woke up again because of her, she called the ambulance on me and she was screaming like a retard, when i reached to the hospital (i was unconscious at that time) she screamed and insulted the staff of the hospital and tried everything to be with me in the hospital room (which is illegal according to my country's law as i think but she still managed to fuck me again) i hate this whore badly, i waken up seeing her near me in a bed and that was the worst moment of my life, this whore thinks i'm a property to her because she was indoctrinated for 50 years by retarded muslim culture, which i honestly don't give a fuck about, WHY I'M EVEN WITH THIS WHORE, BEING IN PRISON IS MUCH BETTER THAN LIVING WITH HER IN THE SAME HOUSE, she "loves" me but i hate the way she "loves" me BECAUSE SHE'S A CONTROLIVE WHORE THAT TREATS ME LIKE HER PUPPY, i wish i can see the face on her when she figures out i'm not in the home since night and this time there's nothing she can do to change that i'm gone

 

[soft-flower345]

I'm so sorry your own mother has treated you so poorly, you are so much more than property. I don't know what country you live in, but you may be able to make legally binding arrangements that dictate what happens to your body after you leave. You could specify under no circumstances that your mother or anyone else you specify be laid to rest anywhere near you if you want to be buried.
I'm so sorry you've had to endure so much, you deserved better, and I hope you can find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you've been through, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, I certainly hate how there isn't an option to just choose to never wake again.

 

[Pluto]

My mother was similar. Also religious. No genuine maternal instincts, just her own agenda for how I 'should' be that was mechanically pushed repeatedly. Rightly or wrongly, I eventually settled at the conclusion that she never loved me at all, since I was not even acknowledged as a human rather than an object. Lost contact years ago, and I don't expect to see her again.

 

[OceanBlue]

I'm sorry you were brought into existence. One way or another you have to get out of that house.

Thinking about mine makes me angry as well, wish I never knew her. Best wishes.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm so sorry for your experience. I, too, had a very toxic and abusive mother. It sounds like you need to leave, just for your own good. I know you may not want to hear that, but it seems like that's what would be in your best interest. I hate my mother to no end, so leaving her was easy. The biggest mistake I ever made was going back to my family.

I wish you luck and clarity in your journey.