Venting I hate my mind on anti depressants

[lonergirl_26]

I've been on anti depressants for about 3 weeks and I hate my mind now. I mean I'm incredibly grateful to be in them and they are definitely working. My overall mood has generally improved and I feel less anxious about basic shit like going to the shop or replying to a text.
The doctor keeps telling me to start therapy but I honestly can't think of anything worse. I'm not good at talking about my issues whenever I try my mind goes blank and I can't talk.
Even if I did go to therapy I don't see anything changing.
I still have no chance of a future and still lonely.
Anyway back to my feelings on anti depressants. The best way to describe it is like the ocean and the sea creatures. Like how different animals are at different levels of the ocean.
It feels like the suicidalness and the sadness is just underneath the surface like it's drowning and trying to reach the surface. But it can't like come up to the top.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense and it's kind of pointless but now I'm slightly worried that I won't be able to ctb because I can't feel emotions.
I'm still suicidal. Still lonely. Still have no chance of a future. At least my mood has slightly improved and I'm less anxious about basic shit.

 

[eupdplishlp]

I've been on anti depressants for about 3 weeks and I hate my mind now. I mean I'm incredibly grateful to be in them and they are definitely working. My overall mood has generally improved and I feel less anxious about basic shit like going to the shop or replying to a text.
The doctor keeps telling me to start therapy but I honestly can't think of anything worse. I'm not good at talking about my issues whenever I try my mind goes blank and I can't talk.
Even if I did go to therapy I don't see anything changing.
I still have no chance of a future and still lonely.
Anyway back to my feelings on anti depressants. The best way to describe it is like the ocean and the sea creatures. Like how different animals are at different levels of the ocean.
It feels like the suicidalness and the sadness is just underneath the surface like it's drowning and trying to reach the surface. But it can't like come up to the top.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense and it's kind of pointless but now I'm slightly worried that I won't be able to ctb because I can't feel emotions.
I'm still suicidal. Still lonely. Still have no chance of a future. At least my mood has slightly improved and I'm less anxious about basic shit.

been exactly here. That's exacty what their meant to do. They wont make the suicidalness go away but will make it easier to tolerate. Youre sea metaphor wasbrilliant and interesting! I like to use the rollecoaster one. life is the roller coaster and anti depressents just make the ups and downs feel more toleratble less scary or present. This works very well for short term immidant chemical brain change. But the therapy is the key to the door i was looking for. you can always change ur therapist never feel bad for asking or a new one. I'm male and I preffered female therapist as they feel more emotioanlly intelligent. Then talk their ear off. say whatever just try avoid lies, bending the truth or avoidance like talking about how nicethe trees were on the way there.

I asked my therapist many deep phsychological questions about human emotions to learn for my own amusement as a bonus