My mother mistreated me for years as a child and the family of my dad has very very bad gens. Why could they procreate? My grandmother was fully insane. (she was bipolar like me) She slept with strangers and her husbandd did not care. She made drug parties I learned about that from my dad many years too late. I supposse I only know like 5-10 % of the truth. His family is hiding a lot of stuff.
Some days ago something very bad happened. Actually I think this is going on for more than a month. My hands are often numb. Especially when I sleep or when I wake up. This might be the carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I have some symptoms. Guess what this illness has a genetic component and the sister of my dad has this syndrome. FUCK THEM FUCK ALL OF THEM!
It is not 100% sure I have but if I have it I might have to stop playing video games. My favorite hobby. Writing on my smartphone might also be restricted. Even writing in this forum for too much time could be dangerous for the nerve of my hand.
I always was glad that I still have some hobbies which I enjoy and I saw this as kind of privilege compared to other people with depression. But this might will be gone. I hate them all. I despise them. And soon is Christmas and I have to spend time with the people who did this to me.
I do not have much what I can enjoy in this life. And soon it will way less. Like 80% of my time I spend time using my hands doing stuff. My mind needs multitasking for coping. I can better forget about my sorrows or at lest repress it.
I am so scared about the appoinment with my doctor. I think I won't have an appoinment very soon. I am so scared. I have many problems currently. I try to surpress mania, my eating disorder is triggered due to weight gain from my medication and my recovery attempt failed. I am at the same time very sad and very angry.
Some days ago something very bad happened. Actually I think this is going on for more than a month. My hands are often numb. Especially when I sleep or when I wake up. This might be the carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I have some symptoms. Guess what this illness has a genetic component and the sister of my dad has this syndrome. FUCK THEM FUCK ALL OF THEM!
It is not 100% sure I have but if I have it I might have to stop playing video games. My favorite hobby. Writing on my smartphone might also be restricted. Even writing in this forum for too much time could be dangerous for the nerve of my hand.
I always was glad that I still have some hobbies which I enjoy and I saw this as kind of privilege compared to other people with depression. But this might will be gone. I hate them all. I despise them. And soon is Christmas and I have to spend time with the people who did this to me.
I do not have much what I can enjoy in this life. And soon it will way less. Like 80% of my time I spend time using my hands doing stuff. My mind needs multitasking for coping. I can better forget about my sorrows or at lest repress it.
I am so scared about the appoinment with my doctor. I think I won't have an appoinment very soon. I am so scared. I have many problems currently. I try to surpress mania, my eating disorder is triggered due to weight gain from my medication and my recovery attempt failed. I am at the same time very sad and very angry.
