Venting I hate my fucking life

[Codename_Joryu]

I just hate every single aspect of it. I suck at literally everything because I'm autistic as shit, I never had any real friends or a girlfriend and ever since elementary school everyone was just bullying or using me. My parents only support me if I'm doing good, otherwise they don't fucking care about me or are just being straight up aggresive towards me. Things that I used to love now feel like a fucking chore and even the simpliest things like getting of the bed feel like a difficult task. My mind is just fucked up beyond repair, I'm overthinking for no reason and I'm anxious about literally everything. I can't even get a stupid driving license because I'm always stressed that I'm gonna accidentally kill someone. I'm just a no good waste of skin that no one cares about, everyday is a literal torture.
I just wish I was someone different, someone who's not ugly, stupid, awkward and retarded piece of shit that will never achieve anything. I hate that everyday I get to relive the same day for the 509th time in a row, I hate being "gifted with this life", I never fucking asked for it. I pray everyday that I'll get a terminal illness or someone will just murder me, because I'm not even brave enough to end this life myself.
I hate living, I hate myself, I want to die...

 

[AntHills]

I hope things get better for you. Being neurodivergent is incredibly difficult, no matter what we look like or what we have.

 

[Spectre]

I feel the same way. I wish their was a way to screen for autism in the womb so I would've never been born in the first place. And all methods of dying are so stressful and painful, but living is also painful. Everyone treats me like an idiot and I just want to disappear.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

Yep. Its miserable a life when we're deprived of basic social connections and a future.
"My parents only support me if I'm doing good, otherwise they don't fucking care about me or are just being straight up aggresive towards me.", my parents do the same thing. Whenever i accomplish something, on a very rare occasion, theyll be the first to take credit. Any other time and its "we didnt raise you like this". Try to get away from them if you have the resources.

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Yep. Its miserable a life when we're deprived of basic social connections and a future.
"My parents only support me if I'm doing good, otherwise they don't fucking care about me or are just being straight up aggresive towards me.", my parents do the same thing. Whenever i accomplish something, on a very rare occasion, theyll be the first to take credit. Any other time and its "we didnt raise you like this". Try to get away from them if you have the resources.

Wish I could do that. For the entire life I'm just doing what THEY want me to do, because I'm so fucked up emotionally that I don't even know what I want to do in life and I'm easy to just boss around. I'm currently two months into college just because they wanted me to go there, and I already hate every second of it. But I know for a fact that when I'll even bring up the subject of dropping out, I can just pack my bags and fuck off. I don't have anywhere to go because I never even made any friends in life, and I'm not good at anything because I never even worked. Not sure what to do anymore to be honest.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

Wish I could do that. For the entire life I'm just doing what THEY want me to do, because I'm so fucked up emotionally that I don't even know what I want to do in life and I'm easy to just boss around. I'm currently two months into college just because they wanted me to go there, and I already hate every second of it. But I know for a fact that when I'll even bring up the subject of dropping out, I can just pack my bags and fuck off. I don't have anywhere to go because I never even made any friends in life, and I'm not good at anything because I never even worked. Not sure what to do anymore to be honest.

You're certainly backed into a corner. I'd say stick with college if you can but I ended up dropping out so I'm not one to give advice. Hope things get better for you but I can see what's driven you to this site. Some people should have never reproduced, they just didn't have the capacity or genuine to desire to be parents and they bring people into their misery for no reason.

 

[aldennn]

I'm sry youre going through that ....I understand I should tell you to go ahead but there is someone out there you can talk with ....can someone tell me where I get drugs to kill myself and where to get a gun ..I'm in Canada we can't get one

 

[oddetoad]

Nembutal doesn't require much courage to end it

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Nembutal doesn't require much courage to end it

What's nembutal?

 

[oddetoad]

What's nembutal?

It's the gold standard of all suicide methods .
There are plenty of threads on here covering the substance but you just fall asleep and die in your sleep

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous feeling trapped in this existence you hate, I would see it as such a relief if existence came with an permanent offswitch to instantly find peace from all the suffering.