Venting I hate my body and it hates me back...

[Done_Surviving]

I can't do this, I just can't stand it any more. I'm in constant pain all day every day. But the worst part is that I have to pretend that I'm okay. But I'm not! I get constant migraines and eyes shutting fatigue. I have to walk miles every single day even though every step feels like stepping on nails. I feel as if my muscles were randomly shocked with electricity ever few minutes. My brain shuts down and I forget how to even speak. But I have to do stuff! And I have to live! And do things that I don't feel any motivation for doing! I don't even have the motivation or energy to keep breathing!

I just want ot to be over! I want to sleep! Or at least I want the pain to actually mean something!! Fibromyalgia is such a stupid disease!! Is ridiculously because the pain is all in my head! It's my own goddamn broken brain that is making my nervous system fail and flare up just for the lols of it!! I want the pain to be real! To cause real damage! Every day I feel my insides in pain! My lungs, my heart, my kidneys, my stomach and my brain take turns to scream in agony! And I pray to a cruel God that is probably laughing his ass off that it at least means that something is about to happen! That it's all a sign of a stroke or a heart attack, and that I'll just drop dead at anytime! But no! It's just me and my brain punishing ourselves for being alive! I hate it! I hate it! I want the pain to stop!

 

[ToxoGondii]

how long have you had fibromyalgia if you don't mind me asking? what you're going through sounds terrible

 

[Blue Elephant]

Wow! That's.. that sounds really really bad. Are you doing, are you taking any treatment against it?

 

[AshH]

Can relate with something similar, every day is such a torture.

And you still gotta do your things and pretend that everything is ok while feeling like hell inside.
Health pbs are one of the main reasons I also wanna ctb lol

 

[Done_Surviving]

how long have you had fibromyalgia if you don't mind me asking? what you're going through sounds terrible

About year, give or take a few months. Thank you for kindness

Wow! That's.. that sounds really really bad. Are you doing, are you taking any treatment against it?

Oh that's the fun part! Since doctors still can't decide whether it is a reall illnesses or not there is no real treatment! They just send you home with a bunch of vitamins and supplements and tell you to exercise. Psychiatrist are usually more comprehensive though, mine describes it as a Psycho-immune disease (your brain is so fucked up it starts attacking you body irl) right now I'm on antidepressants to see if it can balance the chemical screwup in my brain so that it doesn't go around poking my nervous system. They also give you some generic pain relievers but the don't really work, at least in my case. I believe it's because the muscle that the medicine is supposed to help is not really hurt, it's just the nerves that are processing the data wrong. I've herd of so people that manage to get epilepsy medicine and/or prescription pain killers, but in my opinion I think that's too much.

Can relate with something similar, every day is such a torture.

And you still gotta do your things and pretend that everything is ok while feeling like hell inside.
Health pbs are one of the main reasons I also wanna ctb lol

I just look around and see everyone being so productive! And I just feel so jealous! I wonder day by day how the hell do they manage to do ot?! How do they manage to get up every day and do so many things! I'm lucky if I manage to get one single task done ;(

 

[carac]

Have you tried any alternative therapies? I know something like this can seem like a life sentence but I have seen stories on YouTube of people that have cured their fibromyalgia using different techniques and they don't seem to have any reason to be making it up

 

[AshH]

I just look around and see everyone being so productive! And I just feel so jealous! I wonder day by day how the hell do they manage to do ot?! How do they manage to get up every day and do so many things! I'm lucky if I manage to get one single task done ;(

Right? I need to put 20x much efforts to get the same output compared to when I was healthy..
That's like playing the game of life on hard mode with a broken controller. And the bonus point is getting reminded how unproductive we are lol

 

[Innereye]

get a sleep study this was me before CPAP you may have severe sleep apnea

 

[Done_Surviving]

get a sleep study this was me before CPAP you may have severe sleep apnea

Yes, I've heard a lot of people suggestiong me this, specialy because the fatigue is, at least for me the most annoying symptom, but they are so friggin expensive!! Specially because where I live there's only one sleep clinic in the whole city! But thank you for your advice, maybe one day I'll be able to do it

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so horrible what you are going through, it's just so cruel how people have to suffer so extremely in this hellish existence.

 

[Done_Surviving]

Have you tried any alternative therapies? I know something like this can seem like a life sentence but I have seen stories on YouTube of people that have cured their fibromyalgia using different techniques and they don't seem to have any reason to be making it up

I'm starting to use some alternative medicines, but so far not so much success. I usually fall sleep while meditating so I can't go in to deep or I'll fall over lol. I tried acupuncture once, but when they put the first two needless, my abdomen and my legs started spasm slightly (something that I'm used to, it happens every so often specially when I'm lying down) so, I kid you not, they just took out the needles and told me that acupuncture was not for me! I hope I can get some physical therapy soon, but I'm kinda low on money.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Sounds horrible man, hopefully you're provided some significant support if not I hope there's a way for you to be provided more support. I don't know much about your illness but I would focus on being as healthy as you physically can bloodworks, exercise, sleep, gut health etc. I don't really understand these things but I think these may be your best shot or seeking out a professional of the illness if possible. I suffered really bad for an entire year with bad skin irritation, whenever I got hot or started to sweat my skin would flare up with this red rash and It'd sting like a bitch. I didn't leave the house for an entire year because of it and the summer was literal hell. You're very tough for being able to deal with such a thing. I'd really recommend you try everything I've mentioned and if none of that works seek out a specialist.

 

[Done_Surviving]

Sounds horrible man, hopefully you're provided some significant support if not I hope there's a way for you to be provided more support. I don't know much about your illness but I would focus on being as healthy as you physically can bloodworks, exercise, sleep, gut health etc. I don't really understand these things but I think these may be your best shot or seeking out a professional of the illness if possible. I suffered really bad for an entire year with bad skin irritation, whenever I got hot or started to sweat my skin would flare up with this red rash and It'd sting like a bitch. I didn't leave the house for an entire year because of it and the summer was literal hell. You're very tough for being able to deal with such a thing. I'd really recommend you try everything I've mentioned and if none of that works seek out a specialist.

Thank you<3 I hope you're better from you skin condition and that it doesn't come back.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Thank you<3 I hope you're better from you skin condition and that it doesn't come back.

Thank you I'm much better. Still deal with sensitive skin but it's nowhere near as bad. Please do try my suggestions especially the gut health, I think it may possibly help it sounds like there could be some correlation.

 

[carac]

I'm starting to use some alternative medicines, but so far not so much success. I usually fall sleep while meditating so I can't go in to deep or I'll fall over lol. I tried acupuncture once, but when they put the first two needless, my abdomen and my legs started spasm slightly (something that I'm used to, it happens every so often specially when I'm lying down) so, I kid you not, they just took out the needles and told me that acupuncture was not for me! I hope I can get some physical therapy soon, but I'm kinda low on money.

You may not need to spend anything. I think you should definitely keep an open mind about the "psycho immune response" our brains can do crazy things to our bodies even when we arn't aware, so like when we are anxious our heart beats faster, when we have stress we can develop stomach ulcers, who knows what else can happen. It might worth looking in to the mind body connection and also you can do some work exploring any anxiety or stress tiggers. Like maybe there is a particular time your problems are worse and it may be linked to some trauma you experienced or there are some current events, even could be something like an overbearing parent or a sense of perfection. There is a lot of information out there for free, you might just need to go on a journey of discovery and fit the pieces together.

 

[Done_Surviving]

You may not need to spend anything. I think you should definitely keep an open mind about the "psycho immune response" our brains can do crazy things to our bodies even when we arn't aware, so like when we are anxious our heart beats faster, when we have stress we can develop stomach ulcers, who knows what else can happen. It might worth looking in to the mind body connection and also you can do some work exploring any anxiety or stress tiggers. Like maybe there is a particular time your problems are worse and it may be linked to some trauma you experienced or there are some current events, even could be something like an overbearing parent or a sense of perfection. There is a lot of information out there for free, you might just need to go on a journey of discovery and fit the pieces together.

Thank you <3 I'll look around and see what I can find

 

[carac]

Thank you <3 I'll look around and see what I can find

I have done a lot of research and spent a lot of time watching videos in this area so if you want to talk about it some more or want some recommended sources to check I'd be more than happy to chat or pass anything on. I do also think it's best that people do their own research and come to their own discoveries so that's why I don't want to direct you too much right now. Good luck and try not too lose hope, the answer could be out there somewhere

 

[Blue Elephant]

@Done_Surviving Well, I read about it and I can't figure out what's wrong with your body. I know the symptoms but I don't know what's causing them. The thing is I'm experiencing some of them as well. I don't think I have this affliction, or at least I'm not suffering as much as you seem to suffer but: sometimes I feel tired no matter what I do, even if I got a good night's sleep, some days I wake up and my body hurts for no apparent reason, my focus is limited and I easily lose it and when I try to meditate I feel sleepy many times. I can manage tiredness and pain by doing sports and eating healthy. I usually go to the gym three times per week and I push as hard as I can. I don't know what to do about focus and sleepiness though. Although as you said I wouldn't mess with heavy medication (I don't usually listen to doctors, I don't go see them because I think most are fraudsters and terribly expensive as well and I always read whatever information I can find online and test possible cures by myself.), I would try to find natural remedies. Think about whatever might be missing from your diet and try to add that to it, I'm thinking vitamins and minerals here. You can either consume as much fruit and vegetable as possible or buy supplements. There are options.

I'm terribly sorry I can't be of more help.

 

[Done_Surviving]

@Done_Surviving Well, I read about it and I can't figure out what's wrong with your body. I know the symptoms but I don't know what's causing them. The thing is I'm experiencing some of them as well. I don't think I have this affliction, or at least I'm not suffering as much as you seem to suffer but: sometimes I feel tired no matter what I do, even if I got a good night's sleep, some days I wake up and my body hurts for no apparent reason, my focus is limited and I easily lose it and when I try to meditate I feel sleepy many times. I can manage tiredness and pain by doing sports and eating healthy. I usually go to the gym three times per week and I push as hard as I can. I don't know what to do about focus and sleepiness though. Although as you said I wouldn't mess with heavy medication (I don't usually listen to doctors, I don't go see them because I think most are fraudsters and terribly expensive as well and I always read whatever information I can find online and test possible cures by myself.), I would try to find natural remedies. Think about whatever might be missing from your diet and try to add that to it, I'm thinking vitamins and minerals here. You can either consume as much fruit and vegetable as possible or buy supplements. There are options.

I'm terribly sorry I can't be of more help.

Thank you so much <3 you might want to go to a reumatologist or a pain specialist, maybe you might have it too but less sever. Although I must warn you getting the diagnosis is a bitch. First they have to do you a bunch of different tests of other illnesses and the when every single test comes back negative and saying that you're just crazy and that there's physically nothing wrong with you, you gotta keep insisting that even though you're not physically ill you still feel the symptoms, it's then that they will give you the diagnosis and send you home. I also try to push myself and exercise, some weeks I manage to do an hour of exercise for tree days, and other weeks I just manage to walk whatever distance I need to walk. And it sucks because I actually used to love exercise and practice MMA! Never professionally because I was too small (and I also kinda sucked XD) but it was an amazing hobby that kept me fit. But now I need to follow an special nutrition plan because I'm losing almost all of my body mass. It sucks, and even though I keep trying and do everything that I'm supposed to do it doesn't stop sucking.

 

[Blue Elephant]

you might want to go to a reumatologist or a pain specialist

Nope! I do not trust doctors! I will only visit one if I'm in serious pain. Surviving think about it! Most of these people are helping us or pretending that they are because they're being paid large amounts of money. They wouldn't care about us otherwise. A good person, a good medic would help for little or less or nothing.

I also try to push myself and exercise, some weeks I manage to do an hour of exercise for tree days, and other weeks I just manage to walk whatever distance I need to walk. And it sucks because I actually used to love exercise and practice MMA! Never professionally because I was too small (and I also kinda sucked XD) but it was an amazing hobby that kept me fit.

MMA eh? Now I'm scared of you! : )

But seriously now, I know it's not always easy to do sports. You're home and your body hurts and you're sad and it just feels sooo difficult to get up and go there and do whatever. I know, I'm experiencing it.

A friend would help, but not only that most people don't exercise but even if they would, it would be difficult for us to make friends, I know it is for me.

What helps me though is actually getting there and.. if I'm in a gym I instantly start liking the music, the people.. just their existence helps: I'm here to exercise, they're here to exercise, we have something in common, we are a little bit alike.. : ) And if I'm outside I just focus on the natural elements. For example I do sports on the beach and I love so much the infinite sky, the seagles flying above, the sound of the waves breaking, the sand between my toes..

And once you start, there's no competition, except with yourself. And you push and you push and you push, every training, every week and the usual pain gets replaced with muscle fatique pain. But this pain I love, this pain is my reward, I worked for it, it means that my muscles are growing. It means I'm moving forward, I'm getting better, faster, stronger.

And once the mind and body adapts it gets easier. Still taking short breaks every one month or so though.

But now I need to follow an special nutrition plan because I'm losing almost all of my body mass.

What kind of special nutrition plan? And why did you lose body mass?

It sucks, and even though I keep trying and do everything that I'm supposed to do it doesn't stop sucking.

Maybe you're not doing everything you're suppose to do, yet. Life.. it's always a matter of testing, of trying to see what works and what doesn't. And you know, I keep thinking about this, what if we're looking wrong at this disease? So you blame your brain for what's happening to your body but what if something is missing and the brain is scared and doesn't know how to deal with that abscence, or maybe something doesn't fit.. maybe these things can be corrected. Maybe you shouldn't blame your brain, you might scare it more. : )

 

[Bacon and Baseball]

I'm starting to use some alternative medicines, but so far not so much success. I usually fall sleep while meditating so I can't go in to deep or I'll fall over lol. I tried acupuncture once, but when they put the first two needless, my abdomen and my legs started spasm slightly (something that I'm used to, it happens every so often specially when I'm lying down) so, I kid you not, they just took out the needles and told me that acupuncture was not for me! I hope I can get some physical therapy soon, but I'm kinda low on money.

Lyrica actually really helped with my tooth pain. You might try to get some of that to try