I hate it here so fucking much let me OUT

[iw2begone]

Fucking welfare check you don't care about me, you're literally just taking my money and an easy way out. You're making it harder for me, for zero reason. Go fuck yourselves. Fuck this existence. It wants to keep me here and make me miserable. Eternal suffering is the only plan I fucking get, I don't get to be happy. Some people just don't fucking get anything, and I'm one of them. I'm forced to be alive, forced to sit here, suffer, for years on end because the universe couldn't give less of a fucking shit about me.

I was so stupid, I told myself I wouldn't let them in and I did. I told myself I would be silent and instead I fucking lied to them and said I don't remember. I am an absolute idiot that can't even follow my own advice, but it's not me I'm mad at. I was forced into this position by a horrific country in a universe of immeasurable pain and suffering.

I HATE IT HERE. HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY THIS FOR IT TO BE BELIEVED. Fucking evil ai ass run universe or some shit.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

im so sorry, this must feel so horrible, ik its hard but please try not to beat yourself up too much about letting them in, its a scary situation to have police show up at your door, and if you hadnt let them in, theres always the possibility they mightve found a way to come in regardless of what you want, im also in the uk, i really get your anger at this country, it feels like we have the worst end of the stick when it comes to accessing peaceful ctb methods, our government cares more about preventing the actual act rather than preventing the mental states that lead us up to it, its so horrible, i hope youre able to find at least a bit of comfort in something or at least a bit of peace tonight, you deserve it, its very distressing to talk to police, especially when its about a topic as serious as this

 

[iw2begone]

im so sorry, this must feel so horrible, ik its hard but please try not to beat yourself up too much about letting them in, its a scary situation to have police show up at your door, and if you hadnt let them in, theres always the possibility they mightve found a way to come in regardless of what you want, im also in the uk, i really get your anger at this country, it feels like we have the worst end of the stick when it comes to accessing peaceful ctb methods, our government cares more about preventing the actual act rather than preventing the mental states that lead us up to it, its so horrible, i hope youre able to find at least a bit of comfort in something or at least a bit of peace tonight, you deserve it, its very distressing to talk to police, especially when its about a topic as serious as this

I really am starting to lose my grip on reality more and more, today has been so rough since then. They caught me off guard too, they knocked on my door at almost midnight and didn't ring the buzzer so I assumed it was a neighbour. I'm not sure how long I can keep up this facade, continuing to work, to do all the mundane shit I don't want any part of any more.

I really wanted this, to at least know I have a way out would have been so fucking soothing, but instead, I feel more claustrophobic than ever, trapped in this small tear of reality.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

I really am starting to lose my grip on reality more and more, today has been so rough since then. They caught me off guard too, they knocked on my door at almost midnight and didn't ring the buzzer so I assumed it was a neighbour. I'm not sure how long I can keep up this facade, continuing to work, to do all the mundane shit I don't want any part of any more.

I really wanted this, to at least know I have a way out would have been so fucking soothing, but instead, I feel more claustrophobic than ever, trapped in this small tear of reality.

yeah i bet and its so ridiculous showing up that late at night, you didnt even get your sn, so there was no immediate danger from it, no reason as to why they couldnt have waited until the morning, i get the feeling of being trapped so much, i attempted to ctb last month and failed, now my family is high alert, theres nothing i want more than to just put a stop to this but i cant with them watching over me, its such a horrible and suffocating feeling to feel as though you are trapped in a mind that tortures you almost constantly, i hope youre feeling better today

 

[wishingdeath]

Fucking welfare check you don't care about me, you're literally just taking my money and an easy way out. You're making it harder for me, for zero reason. Go fuck yourselves. Fuck this existence. It wants to keep me here and make me miserable. Eternal suffering is the only plan I fucking get, I don't get to be happy. Some people just don't fucking get anything, and I'm one of them. I'm forced to be alive, forced to sit here, suffer, for years on end because the universe couldn't give less of a fucking shit about me.

I was so stupid, I told myself I wouldn't let them in and I did. I told myself I would be silent and instead I fucking lied to them and said I don't remember. I am an absolute idiot that can't even follow my own advice, but it's not me I'm mad at. I was forced into this position by a horrific country in a universe of immeasurable pain and suffering.

I HATE IT HERE. HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY THIS FOR IT TO BE BELIEVED. Fucking evil ai ass run universe or some shit.

I'm so sorry. Idk if it helps but i was caught off guard and had no answers to them so they didn't release it because i said f all so you probably wouldnt have gotten it anyway. In a similar boat. Thinking of you.