Venting I hate how everyone blames you for being a victim

[throughtheglass]

I was emotionally abused by people in my school, parents, everyone made my life a fucking hell when I was younger. My ex dumped me during my worst state and blocked me (while he came back to his ex and loves her even she was toxic to him). He is the reason why I want to end it all. I hate my life. I flucked out of college we both attented because the anxiety was unbearable, now I will probably do the same with my new bullshit degree. I wanted to study architecture but I won't because I can't draw and my parents were against it. I was always an outcast and everyone disliked me.

And you know what? No matter what I do, I'm always considered an awful person. I've dealt with trauma all my life and even fucking counselors don't care about me. Nobody cares. My days are numbered at this point because I will be always dumb, ugly and toxic person for everyone. I hate myself and everyone hates me too, so what's the point of living?

 

[Kat!]

Prove them wrong. Show them you're not a quitter.
That's how I look at it, at least.

 

[Nymph]

No matter what I do, I'm always considered an awful person.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've also went through some tough things but other people don't consider them bad enough and just tell me that I'm a selfish and bad person. Plus my mental issues sometimes make me act terribly but it's hard to control -so I'm just a bad person no matter what I do

 

[throughtheglass]

Prove them wrong. Show them you're not a quitter.
That's how I look at it, at least.

Eh, I don't think so. I can't even get and hold a job because I'm too stupid for everything. I don't even have money for therapy. I just want to disappear peacefully because there's no point of living when everyone leaves you and think you are weird. Geez I feel cursed.

 

[LostFuture]

I was emotionally abused by people in my school, parents, everyone made my life a fucking hell when I was younger. My ex dumped me during my worst state and blocked me (while he came back to his ex and loves her even she was toxic to him). He is the reason why I want to end it all. I hate my life. I flucked out of college we both attented because the anxiety was unbearable, now I will probably do the same with my new bullshit degree. I wanted to study architecture but I won't because I can't draw and my parents were against it. I was always an outcast and everyone disliked me.

And you know what? No matter what I do, I'm always considered an awful person. I've dealt with trauma all my life and even fucking counselors don't care about me. Nobody cares. My days are numbered at this point because I will be always dumb, ugly and toxic person for everyone. I hate myself and everyone hates me too, so what's the point of living?

Your story is surprisingly similar to mine. I've also had a terrible time growing up due to school and especially my parents. They were the reason why my whole life was filled with depression anxiety and essentially made it clear to me that I was not a wanted child. I wasn't wanted by anyone, I purposely gotten into trouble and didn't care about school because it was the only way I could get any type of attention. No matter how well I did in something or how much improvement I would make, I would get nothing in return, but when I would get a B in a class and no As. That's when I would get beat and ridiculed. I wasn't wanted by anyone not by my parents and especially everyone I've become acquainted with. My parents also show it by treating my two younger brothers like princes while they shit on me everyday.

I also went through college doing shit I didn't want to do because my parents wanted me to graduate as fast as possible to start making 100k+ a year so I can help them retire and pay their mortgage. They didn't allow me to do or find what I wanted to do. So I have a bullshit degree that I hate and can't land me a job.
Recently I've been kicked out of my house. Because I couldn't find a job they approved of and it's even harder because of covid. So yeah I'm homeless, for a long time now. But honestly fuck them. I've been less stressed and free from the constant pressure and degradation because I've been living in my car.

And I also just recently had my ex dump me as well. She was my light, and honestly, since I didn't have any reason to live or to be happy, I made her everything, my reason to live and be happy. But she left me after only being together for three years and I'm more devastated and depressed more than ever. Before her it was just a mundane depressed life that I could let go. I've had previous exes but I didn't really love them despite thinking I did. But when she came into my life it was like a whole new world. She showed me true happiness and it was taken away from me. And she'll never come back. And because of that I feel so unwanted and so lonely. I've never felt so much darkness in my life before. I feel like if she genuinely came back and wanted to try again with me, I would be able to do anything. But since she's gone and she doesn't want me in her life anymore, I don't have a reason to live my life anymore.

Obviously there's more to this than what I've condensed it to, but yeah, similar boat to yours.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Are you me?
Same boat.
Life and the universe itself hates me.
More than I even hate myself.
It's like I was born with a "kick me" sign taped to my back.

 

[Raminiki]

Justice is dead. There's no karma to avenge victims. Victims are punished for being victims, over and over again, the whole of their lives. The perpetrators are rarely called out on their abuse, and the cycle of suffering goes on forever.

The injustice you've been subjected to sparks a black fury in me. But it's an impotent fury. I'm a victim also, stripped of the chance to ever be otherwise by the crippling injury it has done me.

Survival of the most selfish is the law of humanity.

 

[Miss_Takes]

When did the word victim get turned on its head so viciously. I have always hated people using it as a slur to belittle those who have endured suffering.

I am sorry for any person who has endured pain and not been provided tbe love, support and kindness they deserve

 

[Going Home]

I was emotionally abused by people in my school, parents, everyone made my life a fucking hell when I was younger. My ex dumped me during my worst state and blocked me (while he came back to his ex and loves her even she was toxic to him). He is the reason why I want to end it all. I hate my life. I flucked out of college we both attented because the anxiety was unbearable, now I will probably do the same with my new bullshit degree. I wanted to study architecture but I won't because I can't draw and my parents were against it. I was always an outcast and everyone disliked me.

And you know what? No matter what I do, I'm always considered an awful person. I've dealt with trauma all my life and even fucking counselors don't care about me. Nobody cares. My days are numbered at this point because I will be always dumb, ugly and toxic person for everyone. I hate myself and everyone hates me too, so what's the point of living?

I have been called all those things for the last four years when they began attacking me to break me down.

I'm sorry about your trauma. I can relate and it's tough to deal with long term trauma. The worst part for me is when people say I'm depressed for attention or just stupid or just laugh.

I wish you and me peace.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much!
Your ex is an asshole and your family is so mean!
They should let you do whatever you want without caring about the results. Life is full of failures and success so it's okay to fail sometimes.

Anyway, if there's anything I can do for you to make you feel better, just le me know.

Hugs and love

 

[Mouse_]

The last time I felt this way, I packed up my shit and left. Not forever: I was away for four months, teaching english to the child of a couple in Spain. It helped. That family valued me and showed me more love than my parents ever did. They supported me when some of the shit I was running from inevitably came to haunt me all the way from Italy. I made friends. I travelled as I pleased when I had time off.

I was soaking in the warm sun of a beach in Benidorm, on a February morning, when it hit me: I was so much more than my life had always led me to believe. I had dreams. I was a person with will, and wants, and needs. A lot of people in my life didn't care about that - so I made a vow that I would stop caring about THEM, and I'd do my thing, whatever that thing was.

You don't NEED to do anything, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Life can be shit and that's it - but you can do stuff to alleviate its shittiness. Instead of living to hurt yourself, or to spite those who don't believe in you, try dealing with yourself in the same way you'd do a friend you love who's hurting. Be your own friend. Hell, be your own PARENT if you can manage it. A parent's purpose should be to love and support and put their child first no matter how irritating, lame, dirty and ugly of a trainwreck they promise to turn out. Be your own parent.

I read in another thread you are planning to kill yourself soon. Nobody has the right to interfere with that decision, which is yours and yours alone to make. I'm sorry to hear how much you're suffering, and I hope you find your peace. Whatever you end up doing, I wish you the best.

 

[Going Home]

Especially if they contributed to dismantling your life turning it into shambles.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

You're right, nobody cares. It's a 'monkey see, monkey do' world where most are only interested in pointing fingers and playing the blame game.

If I'm correct, I could've been (my back was turned) molested when I was doing my internship, by a foreign worker who pretended to 'swat the flies off my back'. I did make a report, but a misunderstanding caused others to think that I distorted the truth. I was subsequently villianised and received a poor grade. The hurtful and humiliating things they said to me fills me with rage and hate to this day.

 

[Water-Lily]

You are not alone. I was abused by my parents, family, bullied, even in college, sexual assault multiple times, everything pushing me to suicide and I am criticized with "you have vicim mentality". well no shit bitch life treats me like a victim everyday