Venting I hate envious and obsessive i am

[aliasblue.]

Envy is such a known feeling to me, to the point where it is a part of me but I hate how it makes me feel at times. Im so envious of all the people who have it good. I hate how good people with appreciative friends and lovers who are still alive have it. I really really hate it. I've cried to myself countless times over the fact that I have no one like that but the pain and longing still never goes away. I feel so left out and left behind. I want to be loved aswell. I hate how im the only one who's possessive and obsessive over people and how it is never mutual. My envy is driving me insane and is one of the biggest factor contributing to my suicide idealism. I want to leave this place behind so badly but there are so many obstacles in my path. I know the reason why those obstacles are present is because it is not my time to kill myself yet but I still hate those obstacles so much. I want to be at peace and free of this fire in my heart.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and awful what you have to go through and it's very much understandable wishing for peace from all the suffering. The unfortunate reality is that there could never be anything fair about existing here in this cruel world where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own.

 

[Patrick Basedman]

Why do you care so much about living up to the standards of the society such as love ?The only thing that matters in life is power and knowledge. Who cares if you have a relationship with someone , when the chances of them backstabbing you some time later by either cheating on you and lying to you are pretty high nowadays. Just enjoy having sex with randoms from time to time and you'll feel much better. Nowadays everyone is so horny thanks to the popularity of the internet that there has been a statistic that when women are drunk there is a 1/10 chance that they will have sex with you and it is even higher for guys . Do not rely on others to make you feel good as you will soon learn that it leads to your downfall. You must be self-centered and do not live up to others expectations if it means getting to them leads to putting all your needs behind an obstacle. That is why all the most intelligent people usually prefer to stay single and alone as they know the solution to happiness is to not rely on anyone else but yourself and mother nature (and God)

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Envy is one of the worst feelings in the world. It just absolutely sucks any sense of positivity out of you. Just because others consider you unlovable doesn't mean you are. I hope you're able to find peace.

 

[painfulwords]

I know the way you feel. When I get attached, I just become completely obsessive for the fear of losing them, to the point of SH when something bad happens with my potential s/o. And, in the end, I just lose this person anyways. It just doesn't matter the way you act, if it's healthy or is not, because you'll always suffer for being alone in the end of the day.

 

[EmmaD]

Why do you care so much about living up to the standards of the society such as love ?The only thing that matters in life is power and knowledge. Who cares if you have a relationship with someone , when the chances of them backstabbing you some time later by either cheating on you and lying to you are pretty high nowadays. Just enjoy having sex with randoms from time to time and you'll feel much better. Nowadays everyone is so horny thanks to the popularity of the internet that there has been a statistic that when women are drunk there is a 1/10 chance that they will have sex with you and it is even higher for guys . Do not rely on others to make you feel good as you will soon learn that it leads to your downfall. You must be self-centered and do not live up to others expectations if it means getting to them leads to putting all your needs behind an obstacle. That is why all the most intelligent people usually prefer to stay single and alone as they know the solution to happiness is to not rely on anyone else but yourself and mother nature (and God)

I'm not sure having meaningless sex with loads of people is going to help someone who says they 'want to be loved'. It will make those feelings worse as what you get from meaningless sex is the opposite to love.. it's just getting used.
I'm interested to know where you get the statistic of 1/10 chance a drunk woman will have sex with you too?

 

[lumipallo]

I hate how im the only one who's possessive and obsessive over people and how it is never mutual. My envy is driving me insane and is one of the biggest factor contributing to my suicide idealism.

I feel ya. The social FOMO is probably my biggest factor too. Everyone mingling and making friends/partners left and right and I physically can't because ***reasons***.