I hate this hell, every day is the same, every day I live in the same hell and I want to kill myself. I want it to end. Drinking water feels like a punishment. I'm held hostage in this body against my will and yet I have to eat and drink to keep it functioning. I hate the feeling of water sliding down my throat because it represents how I am just contained in this body and with that trapped in this hell.
I don't actually want to kill myself because that is an action. I just want to stop existing. Actually having to kill myself requires planning and preparation and all this bullshit I don't want to deal with because all I want is to die and be in a state of non-existence. This thought is so comforting... I just want to die but can't do it myself. It is so painful I hate it. My heart is ripped in half.
Every day is a never-ending hell and I am constantly reminded by that. Every day having to do the same routine, the same habits. I hate having to follow these as I don't have any control over them. Waking up, sleeping, drinking, eating,.. I am forced to do it all and it never ends! I just wish I could end it all.
I don't actually want to kill myself because that is an action. I just want to stop existing. Actually having to kill myself requires planning and preparation and all this bullshit I don't want to deal with because all I want is to die and be in a state of non-existence. This thought is so comforting... I just want to die but can't do it myself. It is so painful I hate it. My heart is ripped in half.
Every day is a never-ending hell and I am constantly reminded by that. Every day having to do the same routine, the same habits. I hate having to follow these as I don't have any control over them. Waking up, sleeping, drinking, eating,.. I am forced to do it all and it never ends! I just wish I could end it all.
