Venting I hate being different. I want to have normal relationships.

[aiko333]

I'm fairly sure I am an undiagnosed autistic whose symptoms were ignored because I am female. I am poorly socialized, can't pick up on social cues, even in the situations I feel most confident in I will miss some cue I didn't understand and everyone can suddenly tell I am different… I am at work, and had interrupted everyone talking like they are friends (an activity I am never included in though I try to be social and gregarious with my coworkers) and they all gave me the same disgusted look. Like I had intruded on something by poking my head in and saying maybe five words. I heard them laughing at me as I left for the other room. I just want to cry. I want to go home but work 60 hours this week, they lied and said I may go home early for some shifts but I have been here 13 hours for four days now… I will be alone on Christmas as well. Just me and my dog. I just wish I had friends and a normal relationship with my family. I am so tired of being the slightly off putting black sheep.

 

[exhausted2314]

Hi there , I'm also alone this Christmas , just me and my two kids . I'm also potentially autistic but diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. I've given up masking so I've just accepted I'll probably always be on my own. It's not a good existence I'll agree. So I kinda just do what I want. No more expectations or conforming and it's quite liberating. If I feel like uploading a video to YouTube I do it. Nothing to gain or loose. Also, we might not be able to socialise in the conventional way but there's always people online to talk to

 

[CowsAreCool]

I'm fairly sure I am an undiagnosed autistic whose symptoms were ignored because I am female. I am poorly socialized, can't pick up on social cues, even in the situations I feel most confident in I will miss some cue I didn't understand and everyone can suddenly tell I am different… I am at work, and had interrupted everyone talking like they are friends (an activity I am never included in though I try to be social and gregarious with my coworkers) and they all gave me the same disgusted look. Like I had intruded on something by poking my head in and saying maybe five words. I heard them laughing at me as I left for the other room. I just want to cry. I want to go home but work 60 hours this week, they lied and said I may go home early for some shifts but I have been here 13 hours for four days now… I will be alone on Christmas as well. Just me and my dog. I just wish I had friends and a normal relationship with my family. I am so tired of being the slightly off putting black sheep.

That's what I love about dogs. They don't find you off putting. You could be the most socially awkward and autistic person alive, and a dog will love you just the same.

And if people don't like you, its their loss. It's not your fault you're awkward and miss social cues. There's no reason to feel shame for something you can't control.

I'm in the same boat. No friends. I spend most my time away from family, although I do visit for the holidays. Isolation. But I'm the opposite in that I over read social cues. As a result I have social anxiety and can't maintain friendships.

Just baby steps, I suppose. Ignore others and focus on yourself. Build confidence. That's my goal right now. If you're lucky you'll find other awkward or mildly autistic (neurodivergent I think is the term) people who don't sneer at you. I used to see those types at trivia bars when I went, if that helps.

Best of luck to you. Merry Christmas.