i hate being bipolar

[annasplight]

Hi, long time no see. I've been trying to stay off this site, but it reels me back in every time I start feeling low.

I'll get right to the point. I hate being bipolar, I hate how big my emotions get. I hate how I always inevitably have the conversation that i'm 'too much' for someone. I wish I could just be normal, something someone cherishes having around. I think hearing it from my best friend last night kind of sealed my coffin, I feel that overwhelming urge to die, to just disappear so nobody else has to deal with my shit. But if I tell them this, then i'll be 'too much' for even feeling this way.

I don't understand why I cannot be normal, why I cannot function like everyone else. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to feel so fucking strongly that I throw up or feel physical pain. I don't know why everyone thinks I want to be this way.

I would do anything to be normal. Maybe everyone truly would be better off without me and my big emotions, the 'crash outs'. I'm tired of being a burden, I am just a leech on society.

 

[fatty44]

It lies in my family and I have it too. It's just painful.

You're not alone with it. Hoping it gets better for both of us, it's honestly so much to deal with. Especially dealing with the aftermath of each episode, Im wondering so often how I deserve all of this.

 

[annasplight]

It lies in my family and I have it too. It's just painful.

You're not alone with it. Hoping it gets better for both of us, it's honestly so much to deal with. Especially dealing with the aftermath of each episode, Im wondering so often how I deserve all of this.

It honestly sucks, especially when so many people have such a small understanding of what bipolar actually is. Every episode leaves me feeling so so embarrassed.

Sending so many hugs, we don't deserve this at all. I'm hoping brighter days come for us. I just need one good day.

 

[Nightfoot]

Do you take medication for it? Finding one that works can be helpful. Try not to be hard on yourself since you didn't ask to have bipolar disorder and it can be challenging to deal with. I hope you feel better.