i hate being a first generation son (vent)

[carnivalforone]

i resent my parents for cursing me to a life of poverty, why am i supposed to be left to fend and save myself, whats the point of parents if it isnt to set up your child for success? why was i the unfortunate soul to be put in this poor and ugly body to suffer a life of poverty because of my parents neglect and bad decisions. i look aroudn at parents that did what they were meant to. they call these kids spoiled but id be damned if they didnt take advantage of the great gift theyve been given. enjoy life with trust funds and lifelines, with insurance and security, while kids like me who were had for no purpose at all except for the selfish bored act of just giving birth into emotionally poor homes and people not ready for a family. . after having gone through what i did i can confidently say if i was ever a father i would do it right and provide guidance and prosperity and happiness and security, i only needed one lifetime to learn how not to be a father, its almost like my parents didnt have parents or never learned anything, and now im cursed to be a first generation where im the first to go to college and the first to end this generational poverty. well i say fuck that. im not gonna fight to fix the errors of your lineage , why should i be the one to save the last name of a pathetic tree why should i be the one to end the generational trauma. if i did id change my name just so it has no connection they dont deserve any success for what theyve done to me. sabotage from the start and now im cursed to a life of living paycheck to paycheck not having any options or goals or aspirations because i was their greatest failure. why couldnt i have been born to parents who understood better. and not ignorant ones who have no idea how much damage theyve done to me.

 

[sanction]

I feel you. I feel the exact same way for the leaving me here alone just to fend and save myself. I just can't put in words the deep frustration I have for this. And theres absolutely nothing we can do, which just makes me want to explode like a bomb on the inside. Its pure torture. I'm suffocating everyday, forced to endure this endless bullshit. It is a very cruel world and existence

 

[Sleeper System]

We're probably in the same life situation with some differences. I use to feel this way alot. I had a lot of anger and resentment in my heart about it. I couldn't direct it to my parent (only mom no dad) because even though we were poor and struggling all the time, I was never abandoned. I began to see her and other members of my family as victims of the same ignorance and lack of opportunity and resources because love and caring was there. It really made me believe that if they could, they would give me everything I ever needed in life. but that's just not how life is. Some people are lucky. For every winner there must be 1 million losers. That's just reality.
It makes me sad when I think about it. Even now i dont think much has changed financially... but the love is still there.

I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but I think most of the people alive today
could easily be classified as mistakes. We just happened because two people decided to exercise their emotions and we were the end result. You shouldn't feel pressure to lift up your linage. If it happens, that's props to you. If it doesn't, then oh well. It doesn't really matter in the end we all return to the dirt as equals.

Also, it's crazy to think but imagine how many people had to survive this world for you to be born. How many years back of people suffering and dealing with life struggles for you to be here living in the best time the world has ever known. We think we have it bad but they had it worse. Getting your own food. No medicine. Wide spread disease. Smh. It's crazy.

 

[sanction]

We're probably in the same life situation with some differences. I use to feel this way alot. I had a lot of anger and resentment in my heart about it. I couldn't direct it to my parent (only mom no dad) because even though we were poor and struggling all the time, I was never abandoned. I began to see her and other members of my family as victims of the same ignorance and lack of opportunity and resources because love and caring was there. It really made me believe that if they could, they would give me everything I ever needed in life. but that's just not how life is. Some people are lucky. For every winner there must be 1 million losers. That's just reality.
It makes me sad when I think about it. Even now i dont think much has changed financially... but the love is still there.

I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but I think most of the people alive today
could easily be classified as mistakes. We just happened because two people decided to exercise their emotions and we were the end result. You shouldn't feel pressure to lift up your linage. If it happens, that's props to you. If it doesn't, then oh well. It doesn't really matter in the end we all return to the dirt as equals.

Also, it's crazy to think but imagine how many people had to survive this world for you to be born. How many years back of people suffering and dealing with life struggles for you to be here living in the best time the world has ever known. We think we have it bad but they had it worse. Getting your own food. No medicine. Wide spread disease. Smh. It's crazy.

In your last paragraph, you mentioned we're living in the best time the world has ever known. I actually keep trying to remind myself this once in a while, to keep myself motivated

Its true. We are born at a time where the world is much more civilized, more technology, etc. like never seen before. Unfortunately for myself, the constant daily grind to work and pay bills, and the loneliness is just killing me inside

I always wonder if I was able to worry a bit less about money and loneliness, how beautiful it will be, since as you said, we are living in some of the best times the world has ever seen. Too bad those personal factors are holding me back from being able to enjoy and take advantage of these times we're in

 

[Sleeper System]

In your last paragraph, you mentioned we're living in the best time the world has ever known. I actually keep trying to remind myself this once in a while, to keep myself motivated

Its true. We are born at a time where the world is much more civilized, more technology, etc. like never seen before. Unfortunately for myself, the constant daily grind to work and pay bills, and the loneliness is just killing me inside

I always wonder if I was able to worry a bit less about money and loneliness, how beautiful it will be, since as you said, we are living in some of the best times the world has ever seen. Too bad those personal factors are holding me back from being able to enjoy and take advantage of these times we're in

I agree. I have to remind myself as well even though it feels wasted on someone with my mentality about life.

 

[sanction]

I agree. I have to remind myself as well even though it feels wasted on someone with my mentality about life.

What is your view on the "best time to be alive" thing? Because it is indeed true

Are you able to somehow find a bit more motivation to live because of this? I've actually been trying very hard to, based on this factor, but of course its not working enough, thats why I'm still on this forum and considering CTB

 

[bambibambam]

i understand you, as someone who is the eldest daughter of an immigrant mother and born into poverty it sucks. life truly is unfair

 

[carnivalforone]

i understand you, as someone who is the eldest daughter of an immigrant mother and born into poverty it sucks. life truly is unfair

truly

I always wonder if I was able to worry a bit less about money and loneliness, how beautiful it will be, since as you said, we are living in some of the best times the world has ever seen. Too bad those personal factors are holding me back from being able to enjoy and take advantage of these times we're in

i just want to enjoy this life. ig im dissapointed that i could be and i cant.

 

[roku6]

I am not sure if your financial status is your source of problems. No matter how much I earned I enjoyed life less and less ending up in a miserable anhedonic state.
When I started working at least it gave me purpose to get financial stability, I found some joy in that daily routine, but after a while that strong drive left me.

When was the last time you enjoyed doing something? Was it giving you some purpose?
I can relate to neglecting parenting, mines also made my childhood terrible. But did they neglect you from emotional point of view as well?
The real damage they did to me is that I was unable to develop social and emotional intelligence skills.

 

[carnivalforone]

I am not sure if your financial status is your source of problems. No matter how much I earned I enjoyed life less and less ending up in a miserable anhedonic state.
When I started working at least it gave me purpose to get financial stability, I found some joy in that daily routine, but after a while that strong drive left me.

When was the last time you enjoyed doing something? Was it giving you some purpose?
I can relate to neglecting parenting, mines also made my childhood terrible. But did they neglect you from emotional point of view as well?
The real damage they did to me is that I was unable to develop social and emotional intelligence skills.

i assure you if i was a trust fund baby i would be out enjoying life right now instead of slaving away cursed with no other option. i havent had any enjoyment ever that i can remember whenever i was asked what i enjoyed or even what i wanna do careerwise i never knew what to say. they didnt know how to parent, they didnt know what to say or teach or do, but they also didnt care to get to know me talk to me or anything tbh they just kinda existed gave me a bad start and threw me off and now im cursed to a life of suffering cause of it.

 

[loslassen]

I'm so sorry, I understand, I really really feel you, I don't really want to have children unless I can give them everything they deserve, if I ever do I would never treat them as poorly as I was, why even have children if you can't be there? I'm cursed with my family's broken promises, and even though I'm not even really an adult yet I'm already bringing money onto the table because of our economic issues, it's such a pain. i just want to eat and I wish I had a proper childhood..

 

[Argo]

Yeah, can relate, first gen here too. It's really priceless to get born to a parent who is actually established where they plan to raise you. But I also agree with roku6, having money just isn't the magic fix a lot of people think it is. There are so many wealthy people who are absolutely miserable, and that's because people themselves are wired to be misery machines. They are need machines. They need, and then they get very upset when things don't go their way. That's our wiring, basically. When you combine lots of people like this together, you just get this continual suffering effect that bounces around endlessly, in real time, and from prior generations. That's the core problem, and money cannot fix it, only mask it temporarily.

 

[Unknown21]

Same, I'm here just bc of sex desires, no one wanted me and no one cared about me as a child, i was severely neglected among 4 siblings who were neglected too. My parents is the real definition of shit, they destroyed my entire future in a fucking cruel third world country, I'm young but i seem ilke I'm 50 yo bc of depression and sickness and physical weakness, i reached a point where i can't even afford to eat, no job currently just rooting in my fucking Garbage dump called my home, unable to ctb yet bc no privacy here, im struggling to just hide my SN and other stuff.
Really fuck any parents like that and fuck life and existence all for giving them this chance, chance of having children.

I'm so sorry for u, i feel u in the bottom of my heart, i wish u the best of luck and peace.

 

[carnivalforone]

Yeah, can relate, first gen here too. It's really priceless to get born to a parent who is actually established where they plan to raise you. But I also agree with roku6, having money just isn't the magic fix a lot of people think it is. There are so many wealthy people who are absolutely miserable, and that's because people themselves are wired to be misery machines. They are need machines. They need, and then they get very upset when things don't go their way. That's our wiring, basically. When you combine lots of people like this together, you just get this continual suffering effect that bounces around endlessly, in real time, and from prior generations. That's the core problem, and money cannot fix it, only mask it temporarily.

i see what you mean but emotional problems are in the mind while issues money gives you are much more apparent and physical. i could be rich and unhappy but i assure you i could feign happiness much better than i am now. i just wish my parents had thought of the consequences before forcing me into life.