Venting I had a mental breakdown in front of my dad and he told me I had to stay alive because he needed a housekeeper

[ScaredOfMachines]

I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's basically how it went. The breakdown was about something else entirely, but I guess I scared him or something because he started telling me about how needed me to be alive. He didn't say that he loved me or that it would be difficult to live without me, just said that he needed someone to help him out because he's having chest issues (mostly just pain) and he's not in the clear the yet. Doesn't sound that bad, but I can't help him get and from his appointments because I can't drive, he's twice my size so I can't help support him around the house, and he won't let me touch his medical stuff at all because he doesn't trust me. So that just leaves the housekeeping things I've been doing, like making dinner and doing the dishes.

My own dad could not be assed enough to tell me that he loves me, but is completely okay with implying that he only wants me alive because I can do the goddamn dishes. If I hired a housekeeper to replace me and then finally managed to off myself, he would be fine with it. What the hell.

I'm a bit relieved though, I thought that my CTB would break him, but if he's struggling to find reasons for me to stay too... Maybe he'll understand when the time finally rolls around.

I'm sorry if this is all over the place, but I'm kind of gassed emotionally right now. Don't really know what to think.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

That's extremely messed up, sounds like something my narcissistic mother would say. Don't take it personal, don't feel guilty also, they will quickly move on if you were to CTB.

They are incredibly self-centred and only know to use and abuse those around them. Depending on how deeo their pathology runs, these types of people are capable of killing their family for financial gain eg using life insurance policies. Never underestimate them as well.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

That's truly terrible. I can't imagine being in that situation as I help care for my ill mother and like you I don't drive so I feel totally useless in that sense but luckily my father is very easy-going and takes her to all her appointments. But I know my mother appreciates all I do and she even says it often. I absolutely despise caretaking and even household chores as I have OCD and tend to get fixated on that. It's just not my thing. I'm too selfish. So you're really strong If you manage to do anything that helps him with the way he's treating you.
I totally get how you would feel less guilty now about CTB. In my current situation, I would actually feel more guilty if I ever did the ctb and that's not fun either. I hope you can sort through your emotions and do whatever brings you the most peace.