Venting i got too scared

[sadpigeon]

today was supposed to be the day, but then i got scared with the uncertainty of the afterlife and i chickened out last minute. i decided that if i don't at least do it tomorrow, then i have until july to lose 20lbs or else i actually have to end it. i have a binge ED, so it will be hard, and plus i don't really have much of a support system for it at home. but still.

right now i still want to die, but i am also still so scared of what will happen after i do

 

[Mooncry]

In the same boat. :/ Like, I want what I believe will happen after I die to be real, but I'm so terrified of it not. It's silly, really, thinking as if we'll even have any concept of fear after our consciousness fades… It's just so hard to look past that uncertainty. For that reason alone, I know that CTB is the hardest thing I'll ever do.

You're definitely not alone. Go easy on yourself.

 

[Defatigatis]

I know this felling, i kinda fell the same. I believe that, in part, is also our survival instinct taking form of this type of fear to scaring us out and keep us living. Kinda revolting that is so rooted in our brains and is not possible to simple delete it.

Don't blame yourself for something that you do not have full control.

Much love for you, cute pigeon <3

 

[acey]

today was supposed to be the day, but then i got scared with the uncertainty of the afterlife and i chickened out last minute. i decided that if i don't at least do it tomorrow, then i have until july to lose 20lbs or else i actually have to end it. i have a binge ED, so it will be hard, and plus i don't really have much of a support system for it at home. but still.

right now i still want to die, but i am also still so scared of what will happen after i do

I know this may be a silly proposal, but if your main source of pain is your weight, have you considered ozemp*c or similar? It undoubtedly helps, and there are health risks but I'm thinking if you're at a point of possible CTB might as well go through with possible side effects... You could order it online, of you truly think the weight is gonna be the change you need.

Either way, I'm sorry, feeling like your own body and brain are your greatest enemies is the worst.

 

[hschaf]

i believe in you :D.

even if there is an afterlife, a existence without a body im sure would be nice. i love my mind, but my body is killing me, and ironically stopping me from finishing the job. don't think any of us deserve eternal suffering lol, but this life and these bodies don't care what you deserve. really hope you get happy and healthy; sounds like that's gonna happen for you

 

[bananaolympus]

Is very normal to be scared of the unknown hope you can be at peace at that time either ctb or not

 

[StupidCat]

Give it a thought, two thoughts, maybe seek help as well. What's important is that you make a well-thought and not a desperate decision regarding your own life.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

The after-life will wait for you for as long as it takes. No one knows what to expect, but no one can prevent it, so might as well just not worry about it. On the other hand, I sincerely hope you can lose the pounds you want to lose. I would take them from you if I could.

 

[anonymous2025]

What helps me with the SI part is knowing billions of people have died before me, also that we all have to go at some point. But I get it, I'm terrified also.

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

If you're scared in anyway, shape or form, that means you shouldn't do it it's a permanent solution and if you have any apprehension at all towards it, it means that going through with it wouldn't be in your rational mind, don't do it if your scared