dOm!n!K
Skinwalker
- Nov 28, 2023
- 13
I finally managed to get an official autism diagnosis, "mild Asperger's" as they said but it didn't follow with the reassurance of knowing what's wrong with me. I just feel empty. Perhaps it felt better telling myself I'm autistic without official diagnosis because I could be normal. I told myself I need the diagnosis but now that I have it, I just have a confirmation that it is my reality - I'll never live like normal people. I'll always be the freak people took me for.
Even with official diagnosis my parents still don't take it seriously, still laugh it off. People in my life just laugh at it. I was a walking circus already but now I'm hyper aware of being a clown to others. It doesn't help that I might get diagnosed with dissociative personality disorder of some kind too. What next? I wish I could just end it today so I don't have to go out in public tomorrow. So people never percieve me again. I wish I didn't exist or could at least be, I don't know. Normal.
Even with official diagnosis my parents still don't take it seriously, still laugh it off. People in my life just laugh at it. I was a walking circus already but now I'm hyper aware of being a clown to others. It doesn't help that I might get diagnosed with dissociative personality disorder of some kind too. What next? I wish I could just end it today so I don't have to go out in public tomorrow. So people never percieve me again. I wish I didn't exist or could at least be, I don't know. Normal.
