Help I get mad and jealous when someone gets hurt without trying to on purpose. What is this?

[lovelulu]

Earlier today, my friend burned her hand in the stove. I felt a sense of jealousy from seeing her burn her hand when she didnt mean to. Then later, we were out and about, and she topped half off her toenail and it was bleeding pretty badly. I felt even more jealous over that. I just had wished it could've been me instead. This is just a small example, but this happens almost all the time. From as far as I can remember, the first time is from when I was a child—about 4-6 years old. My friend had accidentally cut herself on one of the toys we were playing with, and my mom tended to her small cut on her finger. For some reason, a felt a surge of jealousy and while they were both out of the room, I tried cutting my own finger on the same toy. Obviously, it didn't work. Im pretty sure thats the first time I ever self harmed—or atleast tried to. Anyway, my point is that i get so jealous when someone gets hurt without having to try. They get to bleed and get a scar without having to try, meanwhile I have to use all of my force to even get a good cut. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me.

 

[honeytea]

A strong underlying longing and need to be cared for and feel loved maybe? I used to feel the same way especially when I was younger and my mom tended and took care of others which she didn't do to me no matter how much I tried to get the same treatment :p