Venting I fucking hate trying to heal

[tapewormsinthestool]

This bullshit is so ridiculously hard. I can barely keep my room clean because I physically need to keep certain pieces of trash, I don't have time to work out, everything is expensive as shit, the only friend I have is not only annoying but is also the person who groped me and introduced me to cutting, everyone is horrifically stupid, the worlds probably gonna end in two years max.

This is bullshit. I'm tired of moping around and pitying myself. I have shit to do and places to be, I don't have TIME to be sad. I have to get up off my stupid fat ass and do something but a lot of the time I can't. It's pathetic.

 

[usernamegoeshere]

not sure if it makes you feel any better but im in the SAME FUCKING BOAT RIGHT NOW. trying so damn hard but feels like everything is against u and that theres no reason to keep going :( im so sorry, just know you're not alone

 

[getoutgirl]

Hey. Same.
It's hard to die, it is harder to live like this. Or at least feels that way. It gets tiring and bleak and when you are so depressed that you can't even do the most basic but the brain still expects you to do so, judges you and compares you, it all feels like such a pointless massive effort. You have to have, use and remember constantly so many tools and techniques to deal with this that the average person doesn't. And sometimes none work and you fail or do nothing and feel worse still, yet have to get up and continue, and its a thankless unrecognized effort most times.

I think it is worth it if there's something deep in you that wants to live, even if it's hard, even if the future looks awful and people are mean (btw that one friend doesn't sound like a great one if they groped you... I'm sure you could find others, always) so in short, as no one will recognize the effort you are making despite all that, you gotta be kind to yourself and be proud of all you do. I know that's hard some days borderline imposible and stupid and you will feel pathetic, hell I do, but like I said it's a constant reminder you have to do, to see the whole picture of what you actually go through and the effort it takes, for yourself, which is what counts as you know it's true and you experience it. I wish you didn't. And that it was easier for you :/ , as clitché as it is it can get easier, bur for now I mean it when I say just do your best or what you are able to. If it counts for anything I'm proud you are doing so, try whenever you can to be proud yourself, it helps long run.
The best of luck your way with that and with anything you might be doing, and big hugs <3