Venting I fucking HATE how my parents act like my mental health problems came OUT OF NOWHERE at age 18...

[ConfusedHurting2632]

By "mental health problems" I mean stuff like Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) or just extreme depression in general, being suicidal and having several suicide attempts, acting out and missing school and other responsibilities, etc...

While at age 18 I DID start to show more physical tangible evidence of my mental health problems...like going to my school guidance counselor so she could get me a therapist, going to therapy, starting to miss several days of school, eventually being hospitalized at the mental hospital, etc...the mental health problems were A LONG TIME COMING if my parents had ACTUALLY been paying more attention, and even the previous year before age 18: when I was age 17...age 17 was an absolutely HORRIBLE year for me, arguably EVEN WORSE than age 18, the only difference is at age 17 I had absolutely NO therapist to talk to, and at age 17 I still kept going to school and everything despite my suicide attempts...though I still did miss A FEW days of school at age 17, but not NEARLY as much as age 18...like at age 17 I only missed like 5 or 7 days total, but they were SPREAD OUT PRETTY FAR APART throughout the school year...while at age 18 I missed SEVERAL WEEKS STRAIGHT AT A TIME...like an entire 2 weeks in a row where I just didn't go to school AT ALL or something.

But what REALLY pisses me off is how my parents act like my mental health problems just came SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE at age 18, and like my life was absolutely PERFECT before that point...WHICH BY THE WAY, COULD NOT BE FURTHEST FROM THE TRUTH.

To be more specific, my life starting first being a living hell AT AGE 6 WHEN I WAS IN KINDERGARTEN. At age 6 I PROBABLY didn't have the words to describe the negative experiences I was facing regularly, but that did NOT make them ANY LESS painful or traumatic for me. To start, while I wasn't bullied on a SEVERE level or beat up really bad or anything, I just simply did NOT fit in with the other kids. They would call me names, make fun of me, and ostracize me. And getting older...this did NOT get much better, if at all. Even when I wasn't being made fun of, I still didn't have a group to fit in with or to chat with or hang out with. At a time, I only had like EXACTLY ONE FRIEND...if any at all. Some school years I just had ZERO FRIENDS. And the "exactly one friend" I did have, I usually wasn't even THAT close to them. It was more like: "Everyone else absolutely hates my guts, but you don't SEEM to TOTALLY hate me...let's be friends, I guess?" All of my "closest friends" were more like "acquaintances" now that I REALLY think about it...

Oh, and besides being ostracized by me peers at age 6 in Kindergarten, add SEVERE SOCIAL ANXIETY to the list too...I was quite literally SCARED of the other kids and was ALWAYS shaking or fidgeting in some way, and the other kids NOTICED and made even further fun of me for it...I also had interests that no other kid in the class had...interests which I'd often HYPERFIXATE on...and so they'd ALSO make fun of me for that, calling me "weirdo" and stuff for my "weird interests"...

But anyway...age 17/18 was when I TRULY snapped from all these mental health issues, and being shunned by everyone I knew. I say age 17/18 because age 17 was when I first became suicidal and had my suicide attempts, though age 18 was when I started missing school and had to go to the mental hospital and everything. So both were about equally horrible years, though just in different ways. But either way, age 17/18 was a "straw that broke the camel's back" type of situation. Keep in mind I had been regularly rejected and shut off by my peers SINCE I WAS AGE 6 IN KINDERGARTEN...so by age 17 and/or 18, I was in 11th and/or 12th grade respectively, the last 2 years of high school; by that point it had been 12 or 13 WHOLE YEARS of being rejected and ostracized by my peers...and you CAN ONLY IMAGINE the SEVERE NEGATIVE IMPACT this would have on a young, developing mind...the childhood years and teenage years are usually considered VERY IMPORTANT FORMATIVE YEARS...and to be nothing but rejected and shunned in that time? NO WONDER I ENDED UP DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL...doesn't exactly take a genius to figure that one out. *shrugs*

But anyway, back to how my parents acted...IT TRULY PISSED ME OFF, OKAY?! Even the way they would talk about me to mental health professionals, in front of me...they were like: "Before age 18 he was very mature for his age, very responsible, he was very creative and would draw and write all the time, but now he does absolutely nothing and started missing school, and causing a lot of trouble for us." And with a description like that OF COURSE THE MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS TOOK MY PARENT'S SIDE...THEY MADE IT SEEM LIKE I WAS AN ALWAYS HAPPY CHILD WHO JUST SUDDENLY STARTED ACTING OUT FOR NO REASON...WHICH COULDN'T BE FURTHEST FROM THE TRUTH, BY THE WAY.

And then they go on to talk about how in my childhood photos I was "always smiling" and shit (I HATE looking at those childhood photos, by the way...)...that does NOT mean I was regularly happy...while as a child it WAS easier it just focus on the moment (like on a lollipop or a piece of cake) and forget about my overarching life problems, that does NOT mean I was happy when ACTUALLY at school among-st my peers...and then they say shit like: "When you were actually in Kindergarten you NEVER mentioned all these problems about being ostracized and everything." I don't know...maybe because in Kindergarten I just simply didn't have THE WORDS to describe how I was feeling? And at that point in life I was probably just simply TOO YOUNG to realize how everything was ACTUALLY effecting me and leaving me traumatized.

Also...another thing...HOW NON-CHALANT my parents were when they found out about my suicide attempts and everything...THEY JUST DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE...PERIOD. They thought I was just "doing it for attention, or just acting out, or trying to escape my responsibilities" or whatever. At age 17 after my suicide attempts, nothing happened because I didn't have a therapist to tell or anything...but at age 18 I DID have a therapist, and I sent her an email about all the suicide attempts I had just tried on that day, and then the next day in the morning the therapist called the cops to my house so they could take me to the mental hospital...and the cops even mentioned to the staff of the mental hospital: "His parents seemed WAY too non-chalant about all his suicide attempts, and they didn't even know if he was alive in his room, which REALLY worries me." And...YES...PROPS TO THE COP FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH...IT'S HOW I FELT ABOUT MY PARENTS THE WHOLE TIME, BUT IT'S GOOD TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE TOO...

Overall...from all this, as you can tell...my parents are truly HORRIBLE parents...just awful, awful, AWFUL parents...are they THE WORST IN THE WORLD...I don't know...probably not...AT THE VERY LEAST they never physically beat me or sexually assaulted me or anything, BUT THAT'S A PRETTY LOW FUCKING BAR IF I HAVE TO COMPARE THEM TO CHILD ABUSERS AND CHILD MOLESTERS TO MAKE THEM SEEM MORE "REDEEMABLE"...

 

[Walilamdzii]

Mine also do a similar thing, one likes to blame my drug use, but actually that's a bit chicken and the egg (maybe I was using drugs because of my anxiety and depression), and there was plenty of stuff going on beforehand.

Personally, I also had severe social anxiety. I would feign happiness, one of them keeps citing these examples of "when I was happy" but I was truanting throughout school, avoidant, cutting from age 12. I missed a lot of school. I've also been ostracised several times.

I also remember how uncomfortable I felt in particular photos...

I love my parents though, they did their best. But I've always struggled, and I don't know why.

 

[アホペンギン]

This is very similar to what happened to me (the part where you spoke about your experiences in kindergarten.) I have been left out a lot during my childhood and mocked. I have spoken up to my parents about this later in my life when i had the words to describe how i felt and what people did to me during those years but all my parents said was: you shouldn't have taken their abuse so seriously, they were just kids and didn't know what they were doing. Instead of taking my side they took complete a stranger's side. They didn't even consider how i felt and instead denied anything that i told them and redirected the conversation to something else. Now i don't want to tell them about my suicidal ideation, years later but even if i do, they'll still be as ignorant as they were years ago.

I'm sorry all this happened to you, though. I can relate to an extent but i have never had a therapist call the police on me due to the fact that i've never been to a therapeutic appointment in my life. What happened to you, I could only explain to be mortifying. Therapists are supposed to be the one you should trust the most with opening up about your problems yet they deceive you and trick you like that by calling the police on you! At least the police told the psych ward how your parents acted when they figured out that you have attempted suicide many times. Its sickening how they didn't have a care in the world. Procreation in my opinion, is very cruel especially if the people doing the deed are not fit enough to have kids. Its horrible that you even had to compare them to child abusers because of how bad they were to you. I really feel sorry for you and i send you my best regards. I truly hope you can find a way to escape this world someday.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so dreadful what you've been through, some people are just too cruel, I find it awful how many humans just create even more suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

This is very similar to what happened to me (the part where you spoke about your experiences in kindergarten.) I have been left out a lot during my childhood and mocked. I have spoken up to my parents about this later in my life when i had the words to describe how i felt and what people did to me during those years but all my parents said was: you shouldn't have taken their abuse so seriously, they were just kids and didn't know what they were doing. Instead of taking my side they took complete a stranger's side. They didn't even consider how i felt and instead denied anything that i told them and redirected the conversation to something else. Now i don't want to tell them about my suicidal ideation, years later but even if i do, they'll still be as ignorant as they were years ago.

I'm sorry all this happened to you, though. I can relate to an extent but i have never had a therapist call the police on me due to the fact that i've never been to a therapeutic appointment in my life. What happened to you, I could only explain to be mortifying. Therapists are supposed to be the one you should trust the most with opening up about your problems yet they deceive you and trick you like that by calling the police on you! At least the police told the psych ward how your parents acted when they figured out that you have attempted suicide many times. Its sickening how they didn't have a care in the world. Procreation in my opinion, is very cruel especially if the people doing the deed are not fit enough to have kids. Its horrible that you even had to compare them to child abusers because of how bad they were to you. I really feel sorry for you and i send you my best regards. I truly hope you can find a way to escape this world someday.

Ah yes...with the part about the experiences in kindergarten, while I'm not glad about you having gone through the same pain as me, I'm glad about not being alone in having had such negative experiences in kindergarten. And the way your parents acted when you told them how you felt, when you had the words to describe how you felt...that's BASICALLY the EXACT same way my parents acted...in response to the "they were just little kids and didn't know what they were doing," what I had to say in response was "I WAS A LITTLE KID TOO!" The way they speak of it makes it SEEM like I was my current age (22) but I was LITERALLY the same age as the other kids. Also, even if the little kids DIDN'T expect me to gradually and eventually become depressed and suicidal later in life, they STILL most definitely KNEW what they were doing was NOT NICE, at the VERY least. We tend to think of small children as "innocent," and MAYBE in SOME aspects they MIGHT be, but in some other aspects they are anything BUT innocent. Those kids from kindergarten made fun of me because they KNEW I was an EASY target who wouldn't react much, if at all. If I was a naturally more aggressive or more assertive child, or just physically very large and tall for my age, I know FOR A FACT they wouldn't pick on me then, because they'd be SCARED to. But since I was an introverted loner who was about the same size and height and everyone else, they knew they could just mock me and make fun of me and I'd just sit there and take it, without doing anything.

As for the therapist calling the police on me to take me to the mental hospital...it was actually not AS bad as you would've expected. The mental hospital to me was just simply more BORING than traumatic or scary. The majority of the hospital staff and other patients were relatively nice or at least "normal," there just wasn't really anything to do all day. My only problem is I got "addicted" to the mental hospital, thinking it was a "safe space" from the "cruel outside world," and ended up going to the mental hospital 8 times total from age 18 to today (just turned age 22). And the therapist DID sort of warn me about the mental hospital...she said if I was age 17, a "minor," she would've taken me there even sooner...but at age 18 the process as an "adult" was a bit more complicated...but since I gave them all "proof" in the form of an email, she was able to get me sent there even if I WAS age 18 and up. But yeah...it's messed up how my parents LITERALLY DID NOT GIVE A SHIT about my suicide attempts...I'm not gonna say emotional neglect and invalidating a child's feelings is AS bad as physically beating them or sexually abusing them, because it's not, really...but it's STILL a REALLY fucking bad thing. Just in general, ESPECIALLY in regards to parents and children, but just in friendships and relationships in general too...it's important TO HEAR THE OTHER PERSON OUT. People are different, and though something may not be a big deal TO YOU, it may STILL be a HUGE deal to the OTHER PERSON. And a parent of all people should be WILLING to hear out their child, even if they can't personally relate or find their feelings "silly." Different things affect different people differently...period.