Okay this story is so fucked up. I won't go into details. I am pretty ashamed. First I wanted to make a thread that everything is relative except pain and health. And I still see some truth in that.
There is danger when someone with psychosis says he found the truth. I won't share the details here. I am just a fucking moron and I realized that now. My friends who know the details say the theory is very plausible and not delusional.
I complimented a girl. But I put it as if it was pity. I offended her pretty much. She considers me insane now which is sort of true. She felt I looked down on her. This happened half a year ago. And I realized my mistake now 6 months later. I feel embarrassed as fuck. I might apologize to her. Or I ignore it. It would be pretty weird if this was just a delusion and I am again delusional. But my friends say it sounds plausible. I have made an ass out of myself. I might message her but I think the damage is already done.
It is shocking that I realized it only now. Everyone who is not delusional would have come to this conclusion after 5 seconds. I have a crush on her. But I felt like because she has issues and I have issues it might work.
Holy fucking shit I am pretty ill. However I am sort of proud after interpreting the interaction like literally 5 million times in my head that I found the answer which every sane person would have seen within 5 seconds. Honestly I interpreted like everything which was said for myriads of hours. Always in different angles but I just did not the see the fucking obvious. Holy fucking shit I offended her pretty much. What the fuck!
Okay I will add some remarks. I thought she might be a lonely person just like me. Someone who does not find a partner. This is why I approached her. I thought I had a better chance with her due to that. But I just realized this is fucking offensive as hell. And I fucking realized that after 6 months. So far it is only a theory. I barely have evidence for that. I would really like to write an apology mail because I feel so ashamed. Tbh I think I could not even find words which could repair the damage in any way. Holy fucking shit. Even if I wrote one this is fucking shit that I have done.
Though there is the off-chance I might be delusional once again. And there is no real chance to ever find out the truth. I won't see her again. I know she probably questions my sanity. I think she found me pretty pathetic. Holy fucking shit. And I might will never know the truth. The time has passed since then and it is way too late. I wish I could apologize to her because I really kind of liked her. But there was way too much pity involved. I thought like we two both against the world. But this must have been offensive as fuck. I can't write her an apology what if this is just delusional thought once again. I have to move on. As horrible this all is. It is shocking how insane I am. Realizing my mistake might will help me to get rid of some delusional thoughts I had about her like literal 3-4 weeks straightaway. I thought about her all the fucking time without noticing it. That is so fucking scary.
I am kind of proud in case this deduction is right. I once had a delusion in a similar and found out after ruminating about it myriads of hours. I thought depression would never end. Depression deceived my mind to this time. I realized I am bipolar and that everything repeats in cycles.
So here is my summary. I might will never know the truth. I probably cannot apologize to her without the risk to be perceived as even more insane.
Well I was my real life problems could be solved like that. That everything was just a thinking fallacy. My major problems are not fallacies this is pretty clear. Bipolar repeats in most cases in cycles. I tried to work a couple of times and collapsed within days.
Honestly I kind of would like to kill myself for doing this fucked up shit. Though it is not worth to commit suicide because of something which was offensive. I want a rational suicide and I don't want to commit suicide solely for such a theory. Even if it was confirmed. Well it was pathetic. It is embarrassing as fuck. Though I don't play a major role in her mind. She will be able to laugh at me. She considers me insane well. This won't drive me over the edge. I have real severe issues.
There is danger when someone with psychosis says he found the truth. I won't share the details here. I am just a fucking moron and I realized that now. My friends who know the details say the theory is very plausible and not delusional.
I complimented a girl. But I put it as if it was pity. I offended her pretty much. She considers me insane now which is sort of true. She felt I looked down on her. This happened half a year ago. And I realized my mistake now 6 months later. I feel embarrassed as fuck. I might apologize to her. Or I ignore it. It would be pretty weird if this was just a delusion and I am again delusional. But my friends say it sounds plausible. I have made an ass out of myself. I might message her but I think the damage is already done.
It is shocking that I realized it only now. Everyone who is not delusional would have come to this conclusion after 5 seconds. I have a crush on her. But I felt like because she has issues and I have issues it might work.
Holy fucking shit I am pretty ill. However I am sort of proud after interpreting the interaction like literally 5 million times in my head that I found the answer which every sane person would have seen within 5 seconds. Honestly I interpreted like everything which was said for myriads of hours. Always in different angles but I just did not the see the fucking obvious. Holy fucking shit I offended her pretty much. What the fuck!
Okay I will add some remarks. I thought she might be a lonely person just like me. Someone who does not find a partner. This is why I approached her. I thought I had a better chance with her due to that. But I just realized this is fucking offensive as hell. And I fucking realized that after 6 months. So far it is only a theory. I barely have evidence for that. I would really like to write an apology mail because I feel so ashamed. Tbh I think I could not even find words which could repair the damage in any way. Holy fucking shit. Even if I wrote one this is fucking shit that I have done.
Though there is the off-chance I might be delusional once again. And there is no real chance to ever find out the truth. I won't see her again. I know she probably questions my sanity. I think she found me pretty pathetic. Holy fucking shit. And I might will never know the truth. The time has passed since then and it is way too late. I wish I could apologize to her because I really kind of liked her. But there was way too much pity involved. I thought like we two both against the world. But this must have been offensive as fuck. I can't write her an apology what if this is just delusional thought once again. I have to move on. As horrible this all is. It is shocking how insane I am. Realizing my mistake might will help me to get rid of some delusional thoughts I had about her like literal 3-4 weeks straightaway. I thought about her all the fucking time without noticing it. That is so fucking scary.
I am kind of proud in case this deduction is right. I once had a delusion in a similar and found out after ruminating about it myriads of hours. I thought depression would never end. Depression deceived my mind to this time. I realized I am bipolar and that everything repeats in cycles.
So here is my summary. I might will never know the truth. I probably cannot apologize to her without the risk to be perceived as even more insane.
Well I was my real life problems could be solved like that. That everything was just a thinking fallacy. My major problems are not fallacies this is pretty clear. Bipolar repeats in most cases in cycles. I tried to work a couple of times and collapsed within days.
Honestly I kind of would like to kill myself for doing this fucked up shit. Though it is not worth to commit suicide because of something which was offensive. I want a rational suicide and I don't want to commit suicide solely for such a theory. Even if it was confirmed. Well it was pathetic. It is embarrassing as fuck. Though I don't play a major role in her mind. She will be able to laugh at me. She considers me insane well. This won't drive me over the edge. I have real severe issues.
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