Venting I found my note from last year

[deep_end]

College just started back up for me, so I was going through my old notebooks from last year, and I found the suicide note I wrote. The date at the top was Nov 23, 2022. I remember writing it in the library next to my best friend who had no idea I was even contemplating it. In it I wrote "I don't know how long it will be between me writing this note and when I actually go through with it, but I hope it's not long." I feel like such a failure that I didn't go through with it then. So many emotions have changed but my depression and hatred for myself never changed. That was back when I was directionless and didn't even know how I even could ctb, I just knew I wanted to. This year has been so extremely difficult and yet nothing about me has changed. Thankfully I have a lot in place that makes it so that I can ctb whenever I feel like it's right.
I think I'll write this again. I don't know how long it will be between me writing this and when I actually ctb, but I hope it's soon.

 

[S_IsMyUsername]

You don't want to know how often I've written texts like that. You shouldn't feel bad because you didn't publish it, but rather good that you stuck it out until now! I wish you the best no matter what happens and what your decision does.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief having the option of a reliable suicide method plan but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.