Venting I found a method that certainly should work and I finally feel relieved.

[notforl0ng]

SN is almost impossible to source in Ontario, Canada without registering a damn business. I researched over a week on rooftop patios/places I could pose as a photographer in Toronto to get smashed to a beautiful view of the city and yeet myself off. No dice, rooftoppers keep that knowledge hidden. Train suicide is selfish and fucked up. Partial suspension landed me in the psych ward for five days, my neck is apparently too muscular to get adequate pressure on my carotid artery without very slowly strangling myself. I live in a hot zone for heroin and fentanyl overdoses. A few towns over, there were 13 overdoses on the street in a single night (bad batch?) so lightbulbs went off.

I've called in a leave of absence at work, and I'm now in the process of calling up every piece of shit friend I used to have who might know where to get that good (awful) shit. If all else fails and they think I'm a narc suddenly, I'm gonna go to the most ghetto part of my town looking as unhinged and crackheady as I possibly can and just hit people up until I find someone to sell me the shittiest H/fentanyl I can get my hands on. I'm too dumb or scared to inject it, so I'm gonna die by heroin in the ass.

I always thought I'd die in some poetic way, but it's pretty amusing to think about. Housekeeping is gonna walk in to the motel room, see the note on the door, call 911, and the police are gonna be cracking jokes at the guy on the floor of the bathroom with four oral syringes sticking out of his ass. I'm so vain that I need to expressly say in my note that I'm not a habitual user and it's purely for suicide. Isn't it stupid that I even care about that? I already got a DUI, totaled my car, am $30,000 in debt, purposely wasted every last dime I had saved, and cut off all friends and family except for my sister (not that there's anybody left anyway) over the last two years in order to force myself to have to do this, and the thing I'm worried about most right now is them thinking I was a dope fiend who died with something in his ass.

Humans are fucking dumb, or at least I am.

Anybody know of any good movies to watch before CTB? Films are one of my few joys in life and I'm gonna spend this week binge eating shit food and checking a few off the list.

 

[Dingusguy]

American history X is a really good movie I recommend you watch before you go. Not as the last movie to watch while you are passing, but it's definitely worth a watch before going in general.

 

[shantyizlit]

I failed doing H up my ass, it was rly good stuff too. I'm going with an exit bag next.
Imagine what would happen if you had done all you did prior to shooting up and passing out, and having to wake up to face the consequences of that.
Like I really thought it would kill me, but it didn't.

edit: not trying to be a buzzkill but i like rly rly thought i had it figured out but didn't, but I just did it in an airbnb and woke up like 15 hours later and my booking hadn't run out yet, as I did plan a little ahead in case I might not ctb.

 

[CoffeeN]

I am sorry I laughed at die in a poetic way...heroin in ass. I hope u the best but don't end up being beaten instead of getting the deal. Sunny- a Korean film ( friendship + a friend who is about to die) it's really good I hope u can find it. Umm what else leave a video of urs for loved ones telling them whatever u want to Or letters for each of them.

 

[notforl0ng]

I failed doing H up my ass, it was rly good stuff too. I'm going with an exit bag next.
Imagine what would happen if you had done all you did prior to shooting up and passing out, and having to wake up to face the consequences of that.
Like I really thought it would kill me, but it didn't.

edit: not trying to be a buzzkill but i like rly rly thought i had it figured out but didn't, but I just did it in an airbnb and woke up like 15 hours later and my booking hadn't run out yet, as I did plan a little ahead in case I might not ctb.

What are the deets on what you did? I just got a hold of one of said piece of shit friends who said he can grab me a gram which is all I asked for. I figure if I cook that up into four 1ml oral syringes and inject em all straight at once in the right way (after lots of practice) I should be done yeah?

I am sorry I laughed at die in a poetic way...heroin in ass. I hope u the best but don't end up being beaten instead of getting the deal. Sunny- a Korean film ( friendship + a friend who is about to die) it's really good I hope u can find it. Umm what else leave a video of urs for loved ones telling them whatever u want to Or letters for each of them.

I was trying to be morbidly funny hahaha no need to feel sorry homie. I think I sorted out the connect, the guy is a really terrible piece of shit so I'm hoping it's cut with a good amount of fentanyl and less concrete or caffeine or whatever they're putting in it these days. Thank you for the suggestion, I haven't seen any Korean film at all so I'll check it out.

I failed doing H up my ass, it was rly good stuff too. I'm going with an exit bag next.
Imagine what would happen if you had done all you did prior to shooting up and passing out, and having to wake up to face the consequences of that.
Like I really thought it would kill me, but it didn't.

edit: not trying to be a buzzkill but i like rly rly thought i had it figured out but didn't, but I just did it in an airbnb and woke up like 15 hours later and my booking hadn't run out yet, as I did plan a little ahead in case I might not ctb.

Okay so I ended up finding your thread and seeing that you shot it too far up. I'm gonna go to plan B I think since I've seen a few mentions of it failing on this site. It's the middle of winter in Canada and some nights are dropping down to -20 still, so I reckon finding a nice patch of woods outside of town, getting drunk and taking 6-7 clonazepam just before I get there (it's all I have left and my doctor won't prescribe more), taking my coat, shirt, boots and socks off, lying down in some snow, doing the deed, then taping a bag over my head would work. I really don't see how that could fail. Even just getting 15 hours of unconsciousness while naked on a particularly cold night seems extremely promising to me. I'll have to put some more thought into it. I'm certain that would do the trick as I know my SI is extremely inhibited while I'm drunk.

I just wish it didn't take such an undignified way to get it done. My mom committed suicide in a really bad way in 2017 and I just want to make the impact on my sisters as light as possible, even though they won't be surprised.