I finally got my rope

[Dark Moon]

I'm sick of life and unresolved trauma, I've been here for a few years already. I finally managed to buy a rope, I don't think things will get better or improve. Life is just passing me by and I'm not doing anything with it. I'm not sure when I will hang yet, I just need the courage to go through with it.

 

[socksnsandles]

good luck

 

[Dark Moon]

good luck

Thanks.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I just bought rope again. Cut a length off, tied a noose knot, and gave myself a little pressure via partial again. An $18 reminder that I can't do it. Maybe, maybe I'll get the courage up tomorrow night. But it seems like my little game is already up.

Edit: what a FUCKING joke. If you guys could feel how little pressure makes me give up on partial you'd laugh. I go into my closet, I tie the noose up, put the pillowcase on my head (and around my neck) and squat down a bit. The lightest squeeze and I'm back up. No tingling, no tunnel vision, nothing. I have no ability to do this. Nor could I jump off a bridge. This stuff might as well be Olympic gymnastics.

As I've posted before, my only hope is a gun. But then I'd need the courage to go buy one and the courage to use one. Those are in short supply. The idea of a method that uses the self-checkout at WalMart is so alluring...but there's the pain. It's death by self-strangulation. Tall fucking order.

 

[darksouls]

good luck,
I hope everything goes well for you
and you find the peace you deserve