This weekend it's going to happen. I read through some very extensive posts on the forums about charcoal and feel I could get over 10,000 in a 44 cubic meter garage.
I have an old metal firepit and then I will put duck tape and plastic on any possible leak points. Then i will leave the garage door open about a foot with the backyard door open for 40-50 minutes cooking 25-30 lbs of charcoal.
After the desired "glow" from charcoal is complete I will cook a bratwurst on it.
I will seal the back door and garage. I'll start with an ant-acid, 200 mg Trazedone, 30 mg melatonin, 3 Excedrin, and eat the bratwurst. The bread should soak up anymore acid that should want to make problems in my stomach. Also, Just to be sure I will take 3 calcium carbonate tabs and wait for about 30 minutes from taking the trazedone to go into the garage and sit on my patio furniture and wait.
I feel absolutely nothing right now. Like my emotions all just shut off since being on extreme for so long. I don't want to chicken out because I know this world and it's continuous torture on people will be waiting if I do.
I have weathered every other fight for 42 years and this one got me. I'm just tired and have a lot of scars to show I was here. I made it this long and I'm okay with that. I also got a ton of good pictures while I was here!
If you see any issues with any of this please let me know. I'm completely open to criticism and just want "my time…." to be P&P…
I am sorry and I know the owners of SaSu are trying to limit the amount of backlash they are getting due to media coverage. I found help here where I couldn't anywhere else. I found a
Family that helped me.
The therapy, the pills, blood family or friends who say they want to help, but it has to be their way. I am so worried that if I do this the police and media will focus on sites like this and say I had mental health illness problems…not what caused them.
The horrible people who sweep it under the rug and who don't want to say they are the problem for people like us or anyone else just trying to be happy.
I can write a note, but will they care and go after the ones responsible that caused me to give up? I was fine when I left the military until I decided to go work at the prison. It wasn't the inmates who were the problem. It was management, supervisors, other staff. I hate this world. I want my life back.
I'm scared that if I survive I will be charged with terrorism and media will focus on me instead of "them."
