Venting i feel stupid and on the brink of losing it

[cryvinglightning]

i thought that my mental state would get better once i left highschool but i've just been spiraling. i try to distract myself in any way possible but i've relapsed in both self harming and my eating disorder, both of which i worked so hard to get rid of. the suicidal thoughts haven't gotten any better either and the worst thing is that i have to get the train every day and i just feel like one day i'll just end up under the tracks. i feel so pathetic and weak and every name under the sun